


What it Takes

by HeavenBesideYou (Echoplex)



Category: Alice in Chains, Jerry Cantrell (Musician)
Genre: 90's Music, Car Sex, F/M, Falling In Love, Groupies, Light Angst, Metallica References, Musical References, Musicians, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Romance, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:14:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 48,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29434431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Echoplex/pseuds/HeavenBesideYou
Summary: It's 2006 and Elle is working her dream job when she meets her dream man - not any man, a man she has lusted after for at least 10 years. Fully expecting to become another notch on his bedpost, she is pleasantly surprised when he begins to pursue her.
Relationships: Jerry Cantrell/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the characters in this work of fiction, with the exception of Elle (aka Eleanor). This work was my first ever work and it's now 15 years old, so please bear that in mind when you read it. I am sharing because I've picked up the proverbial pen again and am wondering if my style is still relevant.
> 
> Please also take into account the fact that times have changed and I almost definitely wouldn't write some of this the same way today as I did in 2006!
> 
> Thank you for reading, if you enjoyed it or have any feedback, please leave a comment :)

The room was heaving with bodies, some famous, but mainly music exec types and those looking to land themselves a contract or a rock star for the night. I was glad. All my hard work had paid off. I hated event organising and I’d really expected when I took this job 18 months ago, that the work would be more of the hands on personal assistant kind the job spec stated as opposed to relying on others to get it right. Still it seemed like most people were having a good time, but when the bar is free that is usually the case!

I breathed out a long sigh of relief and put my business face back on before stepping out from behind the heavy velvet curtains and back into the hustle. Straight away people began to compliment me; “Darling what a fabulous night, I hope he gives you a raise for all this hard work!” blah blah blah… I hated the falseness of these functions but I smiled and made the necessary small talk my job required of me, introducing this record exec to that society girl who had always dreamed of releasing an album, this hot new singer from Hollywood to that new up & coming producer from New York. 

I’d not even worked my way around half the room when my boss put his arm around my waist and saved me from some over the hill, overweight, perspiring journo who was telling me how he could still have any of the hot young chicks in the room – yeah right fella.

“Elle, you’ve out done yourself this time! This has to be the best party we’ve ever had!” He was more than a little drunk. “And we’ve had a few I can tell ya!”

I laughed, “Well I’m surprised you can remember any of them, don’t tell me that these are usually sober affairs.”

“Heavy on the sarcasm as usual Elle, I love that about you Londoners,” Lars laughed, “I can rely on you to tell me how it is always! I’m so glad I got you first.” Here we go, that old chestnut…

“Did you know that both James & Kirk wanted you to work for them when you came for your interview?” Lars whispered conspiratorially to me.

“Really?” I said with wide eyes, I’d lost count of the times he’d ‘let this one slip’ after a couple of bottles of something or other.

“Yeah, that’s why I called you straight away to offer you the job – I know one of those fuckers would try it on if I didn’t!” He said laughing. “So have you had a drink yet?” Lars asked looking at my empty hands.

“No, I’ve been working the room, just like a good host should Lars” I teased. “I’ll get one soon, I just want to make sure that everyone is having a good time and then I’ll relax.”

“Are you serious?” Lars asked incredulously “Take a look around, everyone is having so much fun. Although I’m not sure how much longer that ice sculpture of the devil dispensing vodka is going to last!” Lars turned me round and pointed to a corner of the room where the ice statue stood. Where a raucous drunk crowd waited their turn to drink chocolate flavoured vodka from Satan’s beard.

“That has been the show stealer all night!” It had certainly received a lot attention and it looked to me that Satan’s beard had all but disappeared and people were now simply sucking on his chin.

“Come on, lets go to the bar and get you a drink. You deserve it.”

“Ok then.” I sighed as I let Lars guide me towards the bar and decided that he was right, what else could I do apart from more schmoozing and to be honest my face was already starting to ache from the fake smile. As we walked Lars pointed out some of the characters in attendance and gave me the gossip on who was going to be taking who home that night. I loved the way he was so amiable and could make anyone feel like the most special person in the world, even if it was just for a few minutes. It ensured he had the confidence of most of the people in the room and they would all fall over themselves to do his bidding should he ever wish them to. As my old man would say, he could sell ice to the Eskimos.

With a glass of champagne in my hand & another Jack in Lars’ we turned away from the bar “Oh great,” said Lars enthusiastically “here is someone I know you’re going to want to meet; with your Grunge fetish!” I followed Lars’ glance to a mane of long very blonde hair that cascaded down the back of a 6ft plus slim man. I knew that could only belong to one person on the guest list, probably in the world, and despite the fact that I worked for Metallica & knew full well he was going to be there tonight I was suddenly a bit star struck.

“Jerry!” Lars called.

As Jerry Cantrell turned to greet his long time friend, I felt my stomach flip and the colour rise in my cheeks. How embarrassing! I couldn’t let this happen, I would die from the shame if I behaved like a stupid kid in front of the man I’d had a lifelong crush on. ‘Hold it down girl!’ I instructed myself and snapped on the showbiz smile.

“Long time no see bro!” Jerry said slapping Lars on the back doing that rock star hug thing.

“How you doin’ man? Have you met my amazing, gorgeous and not to mention very single assistant?” Lars said by way of introduction.

Great something else for me to cringe at! I thought as I gulped back half my champagne in one go.

Jerry turned to give me his full attention “No I don’t think I’ve ever had the pleasure.” he replied smoothly. I’d spent a fortune on tonight’s outfit and as I felt the weight of his stare taking in my figure I was glad I’d made the effort.

‘Oh my God,’ I thought, ‘this whole situation is turning into a complete cliché and I’m obviously  
already looking like a fucking groupie. Thanks Lars!’

Jerry took my hand and brought it purposefully to his mouth in a faux chivalrous way and kissed it. I wanted to puke. But my smile remained, with just a hint of sarcasm.

I raised an eyebrow; it meant to say ‘If you think you can get in my knickers with that move, think again pal!’ Who knows how it actually came across, Jerry laughed “Yeah I should know better than try and mess with a redhead.” So I suppose the ice was broken.

“This is all Elle’s work,” Lars said waving his arm around the room. “Isn’t it a great party Jerry?” he asked putting his arms around us both and leaning in drunkenly to whisper – or so he thought – to Jerry “You know Jer, this girl’s gonna make someone a great wife one day,” he followed up that classic comment with a big stage wink and another slap on the back.

I downed the rest of my champagne and picked up a fresh one from a passing waitress. Well if this was how it was going to go, I may as well get drunk! There was no way I could hide my mortification, but Jerry put me at ease straight away with a subtle wink & a smile at me as he laughed and said “No doubt, Lars. I bet she cries herself to sleep at night knowin’ that she missed your boat hey buddy?”

“Wha..?” said Lars taking a step back before he realised that Jerry was in fact joking “You’re a funny fucker Cantrell! Now would you excuse me I need to drain the lizard.”

We watched Lars stumble away and grab his next unsuspecting victim by the shoulders before we turned back to one another.

“I should apologise for my boss,” I laughed “He can’t handle his drink like he used to I’m afraid.”

“You ain’t wrong there Elle. Is it Elle or is that just a nickname?” Jerry said, dazzling me with those blue eyes again.

“It’s actually Eleanor, but I don’t think it suits a girl from South London working for a drummer in California. My parents clearly had delusions of grandeur for me, they must be so disappointed!” I laughed again nervously and Jerry smiled warmly at me “Just call me Elle.” I still felt a bit awkward and I think he could sense this, but rather than make his excuses for a quick exit, he struck up a conversation.

Half an hour and 3 glasses of champagne later, I was much more at ease and more than a bit drunk to boot. Amongst other things, we talked about our love of Seattle and the craziness of London and LA. I found it really freaky to know that we’d been to the same bars and sweaty little dives, sometimes at the same time before I worked for Lars and I’d never known that he was there.

I was really enjoying myself, and even found myself flirting, but after 4 glasses of champagne, I needed to pee. I hung on for as long as was comfortable, knowing that when I walked away that would be the end of our conversation and who knew when we’d meet again. Suddenly I realised that I was standing with my legs crossed; not a good look. Reluctantly excused myself. 

“It was lovely to meet you Jerry,” I smiled this time without any hint irony or fakeness “I guess I’ll see you around.”

“You too Elle, maybe later…” Jerry grinned back and it seemed to me that he now looked like the big kid.

The night appeared to wind up really quickly after that, the vodka delivering Satan had taken many a casualty, Lars included and at around 2.00am I helped his girlfriend get him into a limo, it wasn’t an easy job as Lars insisted that he had at least another couple of hours left him. Still we both knew that he’d be asleep within minutes and the chauffer would be helping her get him back out of the limo and onto the nearest sofa so he could sleep it off.

I watched them drive away as I wrapped my arms around myself, summer maybe have started to put in an appearance over the past few days, but I was wishing I’d brought a jacket this evening. At that very moment one appeared around my shoulders. I turned around to see who was trying to be chivalrous this time and my stomach did another somersault. It was Jerry.

“You read my mind!” I exclaimed beaming. “Thank you.”

He just smiled back me with that goofy look on his face again and we stood there for a while not saying anything. I could feel the heat rising within me as I dared myself to say something, but words completely escaped me. Thankfully Jerry broke the silence “Do you need a ride home?”

“Oh thanks, but it will be out of your way. I’ll be fine to get a cab.”

“Don’t be silly, I got here so late that I’ve only had a coupla beers, so it’ll be no trouble at all. C’mon I’m parked just over here.” I let him take my arm and guide me towards a big black SUV with blacked out windows.

“I thought you were a rock star Jerry, not a gangsta rapper.” I joked as he unlocked the doors.

“What d’ya mean, does this not say ‘look at me – I’m famous’?” Jerry asked incredulously.

We drove the twenty-minute journey to my little house chatting with ease as we had back at the party, and I began to wonder whether I should invite him. The closer we got the more nervous I began to feel and before I knew it we were outside. I undid my seat belt and it was my turn to be the teenager again.

“Well. Thanks for the lift Jerry; it was really kind of you. I’d have probably waited ages for a cab...” I blurted thinking ‘Do I? Don’t I?’

“Sure, no problem let me walk you to your door” Jerry said casually climbing out of the car. Fuck! Does that mean he wants to come in or is he just being polite? I was a wreck again and started to fumble around in my clutch bag for my keys. Jerry opened the passenger door and helped me down to the pavement.

“Wow, you’re like a proper gentlemen Jerry. I think I expected a little bit more rock star behaviour from you.” I joked taking his arm as he offered it.

“What like this…?” He laughed letting out a massive belch.

“Ssshhhh! Jesus you’ll wake my neighbours.” I whispered through my stifled laughter. He’d broken the tension and made me feel comfortable again. We walked up the steps of my porch and I decided that if I didn’t ask him in I’d hate myself forever over a wasted opportunity to spend more time with him.

“So…” I began my native South London accent broader than ever as we reached the door “...you wanna come in for a cuppa rosie and some holy ghost?”

“What?” Jerry questioned wrinkly up his nose looking completely mystified.

“Cockney rhyming slang for tea and toast! I don’t know about you, but I didn’t eat a thing all night and I’m starving, which means I’m gonna be hitting the toaster as soon as I get in, so your welcome to join me.”

“You British chicks are weird, but sure I could go for tea and toast. Thanks.”

I unlocked the door with as steady a hand as I could manage.

“Make yourself at home.” I said and pointed to the oversized, beaten up brown leather sofa that was my alternative to a dining table in the kitchen/diner at the back of my house.

Jerry did just that; kicking off his boots and grabbing a magazine from one of the many piles on  
the floor.

I began to busy myself in the kitchen pushing 4 slices of bread into the toaster. No milk, no teabags and no coffee though – oops.

“Looks like it’ll have to be beer, or champagne I’m afraid” I called over the top of the refrigerator door “Sorry, I clearly need to get to the supermarket!”

“Well in that case I think we should celebrate a successful night with glass of champagne, don’t you?” Jerry replied getting up from the sofa and walking over to me. Here came the butterflies again... “Here let me open that,” He said taking the bottle from me. I decided to find my posh champagne flutes that lurked somewhere at the back of a cupboard, they hadn’t seen a lot of action lately.

The cork popped and Jerry poured us both a glass.

“A toast...” Jerry raised his glass “To you and your unmistakable good taste in rock stars!” I rolled my eyes.

“And to you & your unmistakably cliché bullshit!” I laughed.

“Ouch!” Jerry winced in mock offence.

We clinked our glasses and took a sip each.

“The real thing now too,” I said as the toast popped up from the toaster.

I buttered the toast and started to put on an assortment of toppings; starting with my favourite Marmite.

“What the hell is that?” Jerry asked as I spread the marmite on a slice of toast.

“It’s Marmite. You’ve never had Marmite?” I asked, surprised. “You have to try it then.” I held half a slice up for him to take bite from.

Looking a little dubious he came closer and bit off a corner. Instantly his face contorted into a grimace. He chewed quickly and swallowed as I giggled.

“Yep, it definitely has that love it or hate it kind of flavour.” I commented laughing at his intense reaction.

“That was disgusting!” Jerry said knocking back almost his entire glass of champagne and pouring himself another. “I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of the taste! Quick give me something else!”

Suddenly I felt bold, feeling like I was the one in control here, which of course was never going to be true, this was purely the alcohol giving me bravado. I dipped 2 fingers into the jar of chocolate spread and held them up to his lips.

Jerry raised his eyebrows in surprise but began to lick one and then the other with slowly assured strokes, looking lustily into my eyes the whole time.

Bam! Fireworks went off in my knickers and my knees suddenly felt quite weak. My breath was coming in short shallow bursts and I was getting seriously turned on.

Of course I knew I was playing with fire when I accepted the ride home. I’d also known the minute he crossed the threshold that he wouldn’t just be stopping for a cup of tea! But here I was behaving just like the groupie I’d spent the last year and a half proving I wasn’t. I had a devil on one shoulder telling me to shag him senseless; it had after all, been a long time since I’d slept with anyone and who knew if another opportunity like this would ever arise! But of  
course I had my good little angel reminding me that this guy had a serious reputation with the ladies and I’d probably never see him again.

‘But you know what?’ I reasoned with myself ‘I don’t give a damn. I need to let my hair down every once in a while and this is the perfect opportunity.’

“Mmm, that stuff is pretty tasty, you wanna try some?” Jerry said having completely removed any signs of any chocolate from my hand. Without waiting for a reply he dipped his index finger right into the jar so when he pulled it out, it was completely covered in chocolate and held it out for me. I parted my lips and drew his finger into my mouth letting my tongue swirl around it. Slowly I began to suck.

That was the deal clincher; no sooner had I released his now damp finger, than his lips were upon mine. My hands were quickly in his hair and I opened my mouth to draw his kiss in deeper. It was a kiss that seemed to go on forever; our tongues danced around together as we explored each other’s mouths. The longer we kissed the tighter we drew ourselves together until it seemed our entire bodies were connected.

As I pushed my body against his I could feel a pretty big bulge through his jeans rubbing against my hip that told me he was just as turned on as I was. My pussy was throbbing with desire and I could feel the wetness between my legs. I moaned softly as his thumbs ran simultaneously over my nipples that were straining through the fabric of the wrap over dress I was wearing. His hands continued their journey downwards over my hips and following the curve of my buttocks to pull me even closer into him. Then he seemed to have a moment of realisation and broke our passionate kiss.

“Are you wearin’ any underwear?” He asked thickly. I smirked and shook my head.

“And ruin the silhouette of this very expensive dress? I don’t think so.”

“Oh My God. I have to have you right now!” He exclaimed clearly finding this fact even more of a turn on. He turned me around and deftly lifted me up on to the worktop.

Once there I reached for his belt unbuckling it as quickly as I could and pulled on the button of his jeans in order to free the one thing I wanted more than anything in that moment. Clearly Jerry was also impatient to get inside me and roughly pushed the skirt of my dress open and placing a hand behind each of my knees to pull me closer towards him.

“I suggest you hold on to somethin’, because if it’s ok with you I’m about to screw you pretty hard!”

I almost squealed with excitement as Jerry spread his legs slightly to steady himself. I rubbed the head of his cock to the entrance of my soaking snatch teasing us both for a second then inch-by-inch he pushed himself into me.

“God you’re so tight!” Jerry moaned as he filled me, he was right about hanging on to something; I was biting my lip in order not to scream! It had been a while since I’d actually had a cock in me, but fuck, he was enormous!

“How does that feel baby?” He asked finding his stride and began to pump me harder and faster with each stroke.

“So good!” I panted in reply pushing his hair away from his face. “I want to see you whilst you fuck me.” I explained “I want to see your face when you come in me.”

Jerry began to groan as I spoke.

“Oh darlin’, you’re gonna make me come real soon if you keep talkin’ like that.”

I growled a string of obscenities into is ear enjoying the effect I was having on him. “Fuck me harder Jerry!” I demanded “I want to feel this for days and remember how hard you fucked me.”

I saw him grit his teeth and he rammed into me so hard I cried out and wrapped my legs around his waist, he slipped a little deeper into me hitting my g-spot and sending me over the edge into and earth shattering orgasm

“Oh God!” I shouted knotting my fingers into his hair as I contracted even tighter around his cock instantly inducing Jerry’s orgasm too.

“Fuck Elle!” Jerry called out as we came together hard and fast just as we’d fucked, our eyes locked together.

Gradually I began to let the muscles in my pussy relax, but as I felt him move within me they’d contract again causing us both to moan and gasp as we kissed passionately.

Eventually I let go of him and slid down from the breakfast bar. As my feet touched the floor my knees buckled and Jerry wrapped his arms around me pulling me to him so I didn’t fall.

“Wow! You’ve paralysed me with your dick.” I laughed, not really surprised that my legs didn’t work; it had been a very long time since I’d been fucked like that. It was a wonder that I could speak!

Jerry laughed too scooping me up into his arms. “Well I suppose I’d better get you into bed then” he said heading towards the stairs “I might want to do that again, so we may as well get you comfortable.”

Once upstairs he laid me on the bed and said he was going to get the champagne. I crawled under the covers and lay there with my eyes closed grinning from ear to ear.

~*~

I awoke the next morning to a bright sunny day, with the mother of all headaches and last night’s mascara gluing my eyes shut. I prised one eye open to look at the clock; it was 9.30am. For a few seconds I tried to remember how I’d got into bed, and then it all came flooding back…

My God I’d fallen asleep before Jerry had even got back upstairs! I was mortified and gingerly turned over to see if he was still or had ever been there. He had, but he was gone now. ‘No surprise there.’ I thought to myself.

After a few blissful moments replaying the previous night in my head, I tentatively sat up, and swung my feet onto the floor catching sight of myself in the full-length mirror of my closet. I was a far cry from the glamorous sex kitten I’d invented last night, in fact I looked and felt like a middle-aged lush after a 2-day gin bender. I’d better take a shower and drag my arse back to reality.

I stood in the shower for ages reluctantly washing the smell of him from my body and wondered if I’d ever see Jerry again. It’d probably be one of those awkward moments at a party in a year or so and I’d blush at the memory. Whatever, it had been worth it.

Finally my thirst and headache got the better of me and I stepped out of the shower, wrapped my hair into a fresh towel and threw on my robe to go downstairs. As I entered the kitchen I noticed that Jerry had tidied up. He’d also left me a note:

_Hey there sleepy head,  
I had an early meeting, but I made you some OJ (it’s in the refrigerator), and thought you might need these -->  
I’ll call you later J x _

The arrow pointed to a bottle of aspirin. I allowed myself a smile at the thoughtfulness, but as I reread the note, the classic brush off line registered: ‘I’ll call you later’. He didn’t even have my number. My initial pleasure at finding the note was followed by a heart sinking sorrow at the thought of him slipping through my fingers. Last night was already beginning to feel like a dream.

Pouring myself a glass of juice, I threw a couple of aspirin down my throat and then fell onto the sofa to towel dry my hair. I carelessly flicked through the channels on the TV and wondered what to do with my weekend.

Lars had given me a couple of days off as he was going away, perhaps I’d take a road trip or just turn up at the airport and catch the first flight to somewhere hot and hang out by the beach. More likely I’d just stay at home and go shopping? I knew that would cheer me up, at least until my credit card statement arrived the next month.

I decided that running off wasn’t really an option. Despite the fact Lars had given me time off, I  
knew he’d be calling in the next day or so wanting me to do ‘something important’ for him. So  
shopping it was. But first, I would l lay here for a while...

~*~

The sound of my front door bell being rung incessantly woke me from a dreamless sleep.

I groaned and roused myself to answer it. ‘Who the hell was being so damned persistent?’ I wondered as I staggered through to the hall.

“Ok, ok I’m comin’!” I yelled and finally the noise abated. Whoever it was had better have a good reason for all that racket.

I pulled open the front door sharply.

“What?” I demanded crossly of my caller before I’d even set eyes upon him.

“Good morning to you too!” Came the surprised but amused reply from a voice that I instantly recognised. I squinted up to the shadowed face as the sun shone brightly into my eyes from behind him and caught my breath.

“Jerry?” I asked not daring to believe it could be.

“Yeah, you expecting someone else?” he was laughing but clearly puzzled at my reaction. 

I stood in the doorway with my jaw wide open, blinking up at him.

“Can I come in then?”

“Of course. Yes. Sorry!” I replied taking a step back and wondering what the hell I must look like.

“Did you get my note yet?” asked Jerry kissing my lips.

“Yeah I did, thanks for the juice and the aspirin, you seem to know exactly what I need before I even do!” I smiled up at him still completely surprised to see him again so soon.

“That’ll be my E.S.P. working.” He grinned. “So, I know I said I’d call, but after I came outta my meeting I realised that I don’t actually have your number, so I had to come over to get that at least.”

I was grinning back now like a Cheshire cat and I really didn’t care what I looked like anymore. Jerry wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him. “God, you smell good enough to eat.” he declared in a growl moving his lips to nuzzle in at my neck. The next thing I knew he’d picked me up once again, taken me back to the kitchen and sat me on the edge of the breakfast bar. He smiled wickedly at me brushing my hair back over my shoulders.

“Get ready to be eaten.” He murmured gruffly tilting my head to one side. Skilfully he kissed and nibbled the length of my neck. I moaned softly unable to hide the effect he was having on me. His thumb followed the route taken by his mouth, circling my already highly sensitised skin to send a second wave of shivers throughout my body. As he found my throat with his tongue he moved his thumbs to follow the hem of my robe from my shoulders down towards my breasts, brushing them with the lightest of touches. His mouth began its slow descent downwards too.

I pushed my tits upwards towards him longing to feel his exquisite mouth around my nipples, but he was clearly not going to be rushed. His tongue trailed slowly between my breasts as he finally eased my robe from my shoulders baring my torso.

I sighed with relief as my nipples finally found freedom and whilst his left hand caressed my right breast, Jerry’s well-practiced mouth went to work on the right one. With ever decreasing circles he worked his way inwards until he reached it’s now sharp crimson nub. He chose this moment to stop and glance up at my face wanting to see the effect he was having on me; I was holding my breath in anticipation and I caught that wicked grin again as he bent his head and  
treated my nipple to a long, lingering tonguing.

I moaned loudly and threw my head back. When he felt satisfied that he’d given adequate attention to my right breast, he moved over to the left and repeated the exercise as he untied the silk belt that held my robe together exposing the lily-white skin of my stomach. Down and down and down he went, his long flaxen hair tickling my thighs as I moaned and wriggled with pleasure. As his mouth approached my closely trimmed mound he flashed me that smile, reached up & pushed me back so I was lying along the breakfast affording him the perfect view of my soaking wet pussy.

I closed my eyes knowing that it was not going to take much more to make me come and thought about his rock hard cock thrusting into me again.

His trail of kisses continued around and downwards whilst those magical fingers caressed my inner thighs circling inwards and upwards towards my reward causing me to spread my legs wide for him.

The trepidation within in me now was unbearable; it was taking all my effort not to beg him to fuck me right there and then.

For a single moment he was still and I knew that this was the calm before the storm because the next thing I felt were his thumbs parting my lips and the flick of his tongue upon my clit. 

“Oh God!” I cried out & gripped the sides of the worktop; I thought I would hit the ceiling if I didn’t hold myself down. He didn’t let up for a second alternating between licking & sucking my clit and fucking my hole with his tongue. As I predicted, it wasn’t long before I felt my orgasm begin to take hold and I couldn’t help but shout it from the rooftops. “Oh God Jerry, I'm gonna come…” I gasped. No sooner had the words left my lips than it hit me like an ocean wave  
drowning me in ecstasy; I writhed and moaned loudly until it was over and he had all but licked me dry.

Jerry kissed his way back up to my stomach then pulled me back up to a sitting position by my hands and kissed me fiercely on the mouth letting me taste myself.

“Did that clear away your cobwebs?” he asked looking pretty pleased with himself

“Not bad. I think you cured my headache” I replied flippantly teasing him and pulling him in for yet another kiss.

“What time is it?” I asked not sure if was afternoon yet.

“About 11.30. Miss Sleepy Head!” He laughed.

I bit my lower lip, ashamed that I’d fallen asleep on him last night “Sorry.” I murmured looking sheepish.

“You fell asleep in less than minute – amazing! It’s ok, you’d had a long day I s’pose. But know that I’ll be claiming some compensation later!” He threatened lifting me down from the breakfast bar.

“What’s wrong with now?” I asked coquettishly pulling him by his belt towards the sofa. “Surely one good turn deserves another.”

“Well if you insist...” came the reply.

I undid his belt and flies and pushed him down onto the sofa and knelt in front of him. Now I really did feel like a groupie! He was already quite aroused, and as ran my tongue along the length of his manhood he stiffened further quickly reaching his full 10 inches. Being this close to it made it all that more impressive and I hoped that it wouldn’t be too long before he would be filling me once again. Slowly but surely I continued to tease him with my tongue watching  
his face the whole time. His eyes were closed, but his lips were parted as he sighed with pleasure. Finally I decided that I’d teased him enough and licked my lips to draw this fine specimen into my mouth, but still in my own time. I swirled my tongue around the head of his cock and then closed my lips around it and sucked slowly and deliberately taking more and more of him into my warm mouth inch by inch. His sighs turned to groans now as I worked the length of his shaft in and out of my mouth. Wrapping my hand around the base I picked up the pace and tasted just a slight saltiness as I gave some extra attention to the head again before taking him in all the way to the back of my throat and sucking hard. With my free hand I ran my fingernails along the underside of his balls then gave them a squeeze still pumping his cock in and out of my mouth. This proved too much for him I and felt Jerry twitch and he swore as he shot his warm load into my waiting mouth jerking and swearing all the while. I swallowed it all down and licked and sucked his still sensitive shaft clean as Jerry, his eyes still closed, caught his breath before leaning forward and pulling me up to sit on his lap so that we were face to face.

“You like to give as good as you get then?” He smiled up at me.

“Us catholic girls know it’s good to give as well as receive” I smirked.

“Of course, I should’ve known, you’re Irish right?”

“Half, but I have all the traits of a good Irish lass; red hair, pale skin, know how to drink and a convent school education!” Jerry laughed and pulled me in closer for a long lingering kiss, just then someone’s stomach rumbled, but I couldn’t tell whose it was. We both pulled back and laughed as Jerry patted his stomach.

“Well I don’t know about you but I’ve worked up quite a hunger, shall we go out and get some food? When was the last time you ate properly for god's sake?”

“Coupla days ago I s’pose, I’ve not had the time!” I realised then that I was absolutely starving.

“So what d’ya fancy?” Jerry asked brushing a stray lock of hair from my eye.

“Besides you?” I laughed, “I don’t really care.”

“Well go get dressed before I ravish you again!” He kissed me passionately once more, & I felt his cock stirring between us. Oh how tempting it was to stay and go another round, but I really was famished so I ground myself eagerly against him for a few seconds then jumped up and over the back of the sofa, leaving Jerry slack jawed.

“You fuckin’ tease!” He shouted as I skipped off giggling.

I floated up the stairs; he’d come back, treated me to another amazing orgasm and now he was taking me out! Finding myself stood in front of the mirror, I assessed the situation; my hair was a complete disaster zone, so I wound it round and pinned it up high letting any waves that fell loose do their own thing. I layered on some mascara and decided I didn’t need any blusher; the sex had given me a natural healthy glow for a change. Brushing my teeth, I rooted  
through my closet and found a short denim skirt and a dark blue silk camisole top to wear, which I quickly changed into and pulled on a pair of heavy black biker boots.

I bounced back down the stairs excited to be going on a date for the first time in ages and with a complete sex god at that!

As I walked back into the kitchen I was greeted with an appreciative wolf whistle and Jerry jumped up from the sofa making a beeline for me.

“You look fantastic! Are you sure you’re hungry?” He ventured trying his luck.

“God, I am starving Jerry! If I don’t eat soon then you’ll be picking me up from the floor.” I laughed batting his busy hands away from my waist where he was trying to pull me towards him.

“But if you’re a good boy then maybe I’ll let you play later...” I said seductively.

“Alright. Well let’s go then!” He said pulling me towards the door in an obvious rush to get out.


	2. Chapter 2

We drove to a diner about 10 minutes away from my house; it was the only place I knew served breakfast all day. It was a dingy old-fashioned place, but that suited us both and we chose a booth near to the back of the restaurant. The last thing I wanted was to see someone from work! 

Having placed our orders we drank our coffee and I asked about Jerry’s upcoming tour. 

“Well we’re only doin’ a few warm up dates in the States before we fly to Europe for the festival season, should be fun.” 

“We might cross paths in that case.” I tried not to sound too excited, but probably failed. “Metallica are playing Germany & the UK this summer as well as a couple of other places” 

“I know. I’m looking forward to hanging out with the guys again.” He smiled back at me. 

“I’m a bit nervous actually. This will be my first time on tour, well apart from the odd few dates here and in South Africa we’ve done this year – but they hardly count. I can’t imagine how all the travelling is going to take its toll on everyone. I’m sure tempers will flare. Do you find it harder now?” 

“Yeah, it’s tiring, especially as I ain’t no spring chicken anymore – thanks for pointing that out! But playing is my life. I have to do it. At least I get to step out on stage and play my music for maybe an hour; nothing else comes close to that. ‘Cept maybe sex...” He grinned giving me those come to bed eyes and I felt the effect between my legs immediately as I remembered the things he’d already done to me. 

“Maybe you should slow down on the partying part of it then.” I suggested with a sardonic smile. “My boys have had to and you ain’t that far behind them honey!” I said giving him a playful kick under the table. 

“Ouch!” Jerry said leaning forward to rub his shin. “What the fuck have you got on your feet, steel toecaps?” 

“Oops, yes I have actually – sorry!” I giggled. 

Just then our food arrived and as the waitress set it down and poured us some more coffee I kicked off a boot and rubbed my foot against his 13 shin trying to soothe the part I’d just attacked. Jerry apparently wasn’t expecting this and startled the waitress as he jumped a little in his seat. 

“Sorry.” He said to her as she narrowly missed pouring coffee into his lap, I was trying hard not to laugh and began moving my foot towards his crotch as his eyes grew wider in astonishment ay my blatant wantonness. 

I thanked her as she walked away and Jerry grabbed my foot causing me to bang my knee hard on the table. The waitress turned back at the sudden noise and gave us look that said “weirdos” I just burst out laughing. 

“I’m gonna have a bruise there now” I whined taking my turn to reach under the table to rub my sore leg. 

“So am I so we’re quits” Jerry replied. 

“At least I apologised!” I continued and Jerry started to tickle the sole of my foot. “Dude you really don’t want to be doing that with my foot there…” I warned in as quiet voice as I could manage whilst desperately trying to escape his clutches without any further injury. 

“Well then play nice!” He demanded holding tightly on to my foot. 

“Ok, ok!” I promised and he let finally let go. We sat and ate in silence for a few minutes both smirking and silently daring the other one to be naughty again. 

“So when do you leave?” I asked knowing that the sooner I knew how long I’d have with him, the sooner I could start making the most of it. 

“Where? Here or on tour?” 

“Here.” I said tentatively stretching my leg towards him again. 

“I’ll have to be back in LA for rehearsals by Monday afternoon. So I can hang out here for another coupla days if I feel like it.” 

“And do you?” 

“Do I what?” 

“Feel like it?” I said as I stealthily rested my foot onto the seat between Jerry’s legs. 

“Maybe…” he replied coyly taking a swig from his coffee cup. I made my final advance and leisurely ran my foot between his thighs and stroked his crotch. 

This time was no surprise and after a few seconds a smile spread across his face and Jerry spoke; “Ok, maybe you convinced me.” 

Having finished my pancakes and fruit, I sunk down further in my seat to get a better angle and continued to rub my foot along his steadily growing hard-on. I realised as I sat there that I couldn’t wait to get him home again, I was gonna have to take some drastic action in order feel his cock in me as soon as possible. 

Now it was my turn to grin wickedly. I removed my foot from his groin and shoved it back into its boot then began to slide along the seat out of the booth. I reached into my purse and threw 20 bucks onto the table as I stood up. Jerry was looking at me bemused. 

I leaned over and whispered to him; “Pay the bill and meet me in the ladies in 2 minutes.” I turned on my heel flicking my hair and as I turned to look back at him he was grinning ear to ear.

What was I doing? I thought to myself, what was it about this guy that made me want to behave so brazenly? Whatever it was I was certainly enjoying it.

The restroom was just that, a small room with a toilet and a sink, it was a bit of a risk seeing as there weren't any cubicles, so if any other ‘lady’ was waiting to go, she’d clock the pair of us coming out and there was nothing we could do about it. That just added to the thrill. 

I closed the lid on the toilet, sat on top of it and waited. After a minute or so the door opened and I saw Jerry’s long blonde locks flick around as he checked no one had seen him. Then he stepped inside and locked the door behind him. I stood up and beckoned him to me with the crook of my finger and he took the three steps needed to reach me casually. 

“So what have you got in mind?” he asked teasing me. 

“I think you know,” I said pulling him to me by the lapels of his jacket. He leaned me against the wall and pushed himself against me so I could feel his erection against my stomach. “It involves something you have that I want.” 

“What would that be?” He enquired further bringing his face within millimetres of mine but not actually making to kiss me. I could feel his warm breath against my lips and his fingers brushing the loose waves of hair from my face. This intimacy alone was turning me on more than I could’ve imagined. For a second I was lost for words as my heart thumped in my chest and we looked into each other’s eyes purposely. Still he didn’t kiss me. 

I let my right hand wander down his body, then I pushed it between us and dragged my nails along his denim covered hard on. 

“This…” I barely whispered before he put his mouth over mine and kissed me harshly turning my legs to jelly. 

Jerry’s hands started to wander too and I felt him yank up my skirt and as one hand fondled a buttock the other sought out my pussy. Pushing aside the lace gusset of my knickers he slid two fingers along my wet snatch and then thrust them roughly into me and continued to slide them in and out of me voraciously whilst I moaned into his mouth. 

Deciding then I could wait no longer; I ripped open his flies and pulled his jeans down far enough to reveal a glimpse of the tattoos on his thighs. I grabbed his dick running my nails along the shaft more softly this time. Then I pushed him back from me and his fingers out of me. 

“Sit” I commanded gesturing to the toilet seat lid, he complied quickly and held his arms out to me. I straddled his lap still standing as his arms enfolded me and he began caressing my butt again. Pushing his head back I kissed him hard then pulled the lace of my panties to one side and lowered myself onto his cock. 

Frantically and wordlessly we fucked and pulled at each others clothes desperate to feel more of each other against our own skin. My camisole and bra were around my waist and my breast in his mouth when my orgasm began. 

“I’m coming.” I whispered hoarsely after just a few minutes and dug my nails into his back then threw my head back and swore as quietly as I could. Jerry wasn’t too far behind me, saying my name over and over, his eyes shut. I held on to him tight with my arms and my pussy as he came, congratulating myself for my sudden change in good fortune. This man was a complete sex god and I was shagging him – how on earth did that happen? 

I released Jerry from the tight hold I had him in to see that he was smiling too. Feeling like the cat that had got the cream I stroked his face and kissed his lips unable to stop grinning. 

“Well you’re full of surprises aint’cha?” He laughed helping me get re-dressed. “I thought you were one of those good girls when I met you last night!” 

I raised my eyebrows prompting him to continue. “The way you blushed; you seemed so innocent. I was looking forward to corrupting you.” 

“Ha, you wish! Good girls wear underwear,” I exclaimed “I’m catholic remember, I know how to play the game. I can do demure at church on Sunday and slutty with the rock star on a Friday if I want to.” I joked. “Are you disappointed then?” I asked standing up enjoying the feeling of his cock sliding out of me once more and rearranged my underwear and skirt. 

“What do you think?” He replied rolling his eyes. I picked up his t-shirt from where I’d discarded it in the sink and threw it at him. “I actually think you’re hot as hell and wouldn’t want you any other way.” 

Just then the handle of the door turned as someone tried to come in. I bit my bottom lip; my eyes wide as I spun round to look at Jerry for reassurance. But he was grinning broadly, which wasn’t much help. 

“Shit!” I whispered “What shall we do?” 

“Your little plan backfired has it?” He goaded me clearly amused. “Fuck it, let’s just walk out. Act normal.” 

The handle rattled again and a muffled voice asked how much longer we were gonna be. I clamped my hand over my mouth widening my eyes even further. 

“Be right out.” Jerry called. “You ready?” He asked taking my hand. I struggled to keep a straight face, but I took a deep breath and followed him as he unlocked the door. 

As it opened a middle-aged woman stood in front of us, her jaw wide open in shock. 

“Howdy.” Jerry nodded to her as she took a step back to let us pass. 

“Hello.” I greeted her in my best British accent. “Nice day for it.” I commented and burst out laughing as Jerry pulled me out of the diner quickly. 

We almost ran around the corner where we fell into convulsions hanging on to each other as we cried with laughter. 

“Nice day for it?” Jerry exclaimed through his tears. “That was hilarious!” 

“I couldn’t resist” I gasped “I wanted to see her reaction. She just stood there opening and closing her mouth like a goldfish!” 

~*~

We got ourselves together enough so that people stopped staring at us and walked along the street.

“What do you wanna do now?” Jerry asked lighting a cigarette. 

“Ooh smoke!” I said as I eyed his packet of Marlboro. 

“Really? You smoke?” 

“Yep, been trying to quit, but it’s not going too well. May I have one of yours?” 

Just as Jerry was lighting this for me my phone rang. “Great.” I groaned, “I know exactly who this is...” I pulled my phone from my bag and answered the call. 

“Hey Lars, how’s the hangover” I said into the receiver. Leaning against a nearby lamppost I took a long drag on my cigarette. 

“Terrible and I blame you entirely. Satan’s fucking beard!” 

“Well, I didn’t force you to suck on it did I? So I’m taking no responsibility.” I laughed “What can I do for you?” 

“Can you come over? I’ve got some stuff I wanna go over with you before I leave for the airport.” 

“Lars you gave me the day off and I’m out with a friend at the moment, is it urgent?” I looked at Jerry and rolled my eyes. 

“I know, sorry, but it won’t take long; an hour or two at most. Please?” 

I exhaled cigarette smoke forcefully, pissed off that I knew I was going to give in and go over there which meant spoiling the rest of my day with Jerry. He’d probably just go back to L.A. and that would be the last I saw of him until Europe in the summer. 

“You fucking owe me Ulrich.” I spoke to him letting him know I wasn’t very happy. “I’ll be over in half an hour.” 

“Sure – you know I appreciate it Elle. Thanks.” 

I hung up and threw my cigarette on the floor and ground it out with my boot, thunder in my eyes. 

“I’m sorry Jerry.” I began sadly “I have to go, it’s what’s expected of me, I knew he was like this when I signed up, so I can’t really get out of it.” 

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Jerry said winding his arm around my shoulder and pulled me to him kissing me on the top of my head “Why don’t I drop you over there now, then I can go to the grocery store and make you dinner tonight after I pick you up.” 

I looked up at him as if he was suggesting that we fly to the moon, I was so surprised at his offer.

“What? Don’tcha think I know how to cook?” Jerry asked when he saw the expression on my face. “Ok, I’m no Jamie Oliver, but I can get by if I need to. You have a recipe books right?” I laughed and asked him to pinch me. “What for?” He looked surprised now. 

“Well I’m just wondering when I’m going to wake up from this dream that’s all!” I replied shaking my head “You want to hang around and wait for me to finish work and cook me dinner?” 

“I could just come over and hang out whilst you and Lars work,” he offered. 

“No way! And thanks, but you can’t drive me over there either.” 

“Why not?” “If Lars finds out about this, he’ll have us married with two kids by the end of the week. He’ll be a nightmare – trust me!” 

Jerry threw his head back and laughed hard pulling me even closer to him into a full hug. “You’re killin’ me, he wouldn’t be like that!” 

“You’d better believe it!” I insisted. “He’s been trying to marry me off for the last year. Whenever he finds out I’m going on a date he turns into this overprotective father figure, it’s all ‘What does he do, where does he live, what’s he got to offer you?’. He liked this one guy so much that he kept inviting him out places without telling me. It was embarrassing, ‘cos after a couple of dates I realised I didn’t even like him, but he just kept popping up all over the place. In the end I stole Lars’ phone and deleted his number!” 

Jerry was still in hysterics and holding on to me tight as we stood in the middle of the sidewalk getting in the way of other pedestrians. 

“Oh shut up and take me home!” I demanded wriggling free and pulling him down the street. We pulled up outside my house and Jerry asked how long I’d be. 

“Well Lars said an hour or two, so...” 

“Double it!” We both said in unison and grinned knowingly at each other. “I’ll call you when I’m leaving, but are you sure you want to hang around and wait for me?” 

“’Course I do sugar, I’m already looking forward to seeing you later. And the best part is Lars flies out tonight so we can spend the entire weekend in bed without interruptions if you’re lucky.” As he said the last sentence he gave me the sexiest of smiles, leaned over and kissed me setting off those fireworks again. I didn’t want to pull myself away from the kiss, but the sooner I left, the sooner I’d be back and if I didn’t stop it now, we’d be here for a while... 

“Well in that case you might as well check out of the hotel and save yourself a few dollars” I said breathlessly handing him my house keys “See you around Five.”


	3. Chapter 3

It was dusk when I walked through the door at half past seven to the smell of basil and garlic, apologising profusely as I looked through the post on my way to the kitchen. I stopped dead as soon as I reached the doorway and looked up. There were candles covering almost every available surface and the low table in front of the sofa had two places set with a white rose laid across one. Jerry had gotten two oversized cushions down from the window seat in my bedroom and put them either side of the table as seats. I have no idea what music was playing, even though it must’ve been mine but it was soft, relaxing and understated. Once again he’d left me speechless. 

“Hey you. Slave driver kept you a long time then?” Jerry said by way of a greeting as he looked up from the stove where he was stirring something, his hair pulled back into a pony tail that snaked down his back. 

I turned to look at him my jaw slack, again. “Yeah...” I managed. “Bastard had me take them to the airport!” I took a step into the room still looking around in amazement; my house had never looked so good. 

“Wine?” Jerry held a bottle of red wine and a glass up. I nodded mutely and he poured me glass as he walked towards me. 

“Jerry, this is... lovely, thank you.” I said when the cat finally gave me back my tongue. Taking the glass of wine I stood on tiptoes to kiss him lightly. 

“’S’ok, I had plenty of time on my hands” he joked “I hope you like spaghetti? I told you I knew the basics and this is pretty much my limit I’m afraid...” 

“It’s one of my favourites actually, always has been.” I grinned. 

“Well it won’t be long, so go and sit down and I’ll bring it over.” 

I dutifully sat on the cushion in front of the place setting with the rose and picked up to smell it. It was expensive, not one of the crappy ones you get in the supermarket that die before they even bloom. I blinked hard and even pinched my thigh to check I wasn’t asleep and sat silently as I sipped my wine watching Jerry being domesticated in my kitchen. My kitchen! I couldn’t help but smile smugly to myself, I’d expected ‘wham bam thank you Ma’am’ but I’d gotten a bit of romance. And I was going have him to myself for the entire weekend to do with what I liked! 

We ate by candlelight and Jerry’s bolognaise was actually very nice, for dessert he had cheated and bought a tiramisu from the deli downtown, but that didn’t matter at all to me, it was all perfect and I couldn’t stop smiling at the thought he’d put so much effort in. Even when we’d finished eating we remained sat on our giant cushions on opposite sides of the coffee table talking and drinking red wine. We pretty much covered our entire life stories and the anecdotes were getting wilder and wilder the more we drank. Of course Jerry topped every one of mine, but he told his tales with such repartee that I was often crying tears of laughter. At the conclusion of one such detailed account about Alice’s original bass player puking on a drum kit, I picked up the bottle on the table to top up Jerry’s glass only to find it was already empty. 

“Bloody hell, have we really drunk 2 bottles of wine?” I asked, suddenly realising how drunk I was. 

“No. We’ve had 3!” Jerry replied picking up another 2 empty bottles that where hidden from my view on the floor beside him. “It is 3.00am y’know?” 

I closed my eyes, put my head in my hands and groaned. 

“What’s wrong?” Jerry asked puzzled by sudden change in mood. 

“I don’t really do red wine...” I explained, lifting my head up to address him rather than the table. “It gives me the most outrageous hangovers. Do I have a red wine moustache too?” I ventured as I tried to stand up. 

“Not that I can see. Where are you going now?” Jerry laughed as I tried to balance myself like a tightrope walker, arms out at right angles to my body. 

“Water and drugs. Prevention is the best cure!” I imparted my knowledge on such matters wagging my finger drunkenly in his direction. 

“Well then I s’pose it’s time to get you into bed.” Said Jerry standing and blew out the candles. “But don’t think I’m going to let you sleep it off just yet!” he added slipping his arms around my waist as I finished gulping down a pint of water and some asprin. 

“Good,” I murmured. Turning around I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought his burgundy stained lips down to meet mine. “Because I’m not even remotely tired,” he smiled down at me, took my hand and led me upstairs. 

~*~

Upon reaching the bedroom he kissed me again, not like any of our previous kisses; this was slow and sensual and the lustful urgency we’d displayed before seemed a world away. He reached over and took the pin from my hair letting it fall down around my shoulders and down my back in loose coppery waves. Pulling back slightly he looked at me and ran his fingers through my hair, bringing more of it over my shoulders to frame my face. 

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He said in all seriousness. I felt myself blush and had to look away from his intense stare that seemed to bore right into my soul. He laughed then and said “See you ain’t the hard edged rock star’s assistant you make out to be are ya?” I looked back up at him then thinking that in those few seconds he’d actually seen into my soul. That alone made me feel dizzy, never mind all the wine. “And you are very beautiful; I’m not just sayin’ that.” I smiled at him, but I didn’t want this conversation to go on, I wasn’t used to people getting this close to me and I wasn’t prepared to deal with it then. Jerry was still looking at me intensely and stroking my hair, I only had one option, so I kissed him, threading my own fingers through his golden locks and started to move him towards the bed. 

He began to undress me as we moved, unzipping my skirt and pushing it to the floor. I stepped out of it and pulled his t-shirt over his head in reply. Then he untied the straps of my camisole and let that fall to the floor too. I reached behind me and unhooked my bra slowly lowering the straps from my shoulders down my arms before removing it to free my breasts seemingly much to Jerry’s delight as he reached for both of them at once. As I let it fall I pulled open the button on his jeans and lowered his zipper slowly as his cock struggled for freedom finally springing forth quite violently as I eased his jeans to the floor. Running a fingernail playfully along the underside of his shaft I grinned up at him. He pushed me back onto the bed and I yelped in surprise as he kicked off his jeans and socks. 

“Am I never gonna get you completely naked?” Jerry said with a look of exasperation eyeing my knickers. “At least I get to take them off this time I s’pose” He grinned down at me mischievously as I wriggled further up the bed giggling. “Don’t think you can get away.” He said grabbing my ankles and holding me where I was. “I’m gonna enjoy this, and so are you!” He said as he leaned over me and laid a flurry of kisses along my stomach sending shivers in every direction. Using his fingers he traced the lines of the lace at the top of my thighs and slipped them underneath to caress my hips. His kisses travelled lower and when they reached my knickers his hands slowly began to ease them down so that his lips always had milky white flesh to lay their kisses upon. He did this all the way down, kissing both of my legs slowly and delicately sending me crazy as I held tight on to the cast iron rails at the top of the bed biting my lip so as not scream. My breath was short and shallow and even without looking up he knew exactly how wild he was sending me. Only when he’d threaded the lace over my feet and kissed along both my ankles in turn did he stop to look up to see the state he’d got me in, this set a wide grin across his face. 

“You’d better get up here now, ‘cos I can’t wait any longer!” I said breathlessly. 

Laughing Jerry made his way towards me up the bed trailing his fingers lightly over my body sending all manner of sensations coursing through me. I thought I would die if he didn’t take me then, but instead he leant over and took a pink nipple into his mouth as I finally gave in and moaned loudly. Pushing my tits together he sucked and lapped voraciously on both nipples in turn, this really was more than I could bear and after pulling a pillow over my head and biting into it for a few seconds I decided to take matters into my own hands. 

Sitting up I pushed him back from me and onto his back as I straddled him. “I told you I wasn’t going to wait!” I said in reply to his surprised look. I pushed both his arms above his head as I leaned over, my hair and breasts trailing along his chest and kissed him long and hard as he had me in the diner earlier. When I pulled back he was smiling. 

“I like a girl who ain’t afraid to take what she wants,” he drawled. 

“Well prepare to be taken then darlin’” I replied rising myself up far enough to allow me to take his dick and lower myself onto it. I tried to hold back and slowly took him inside me, but no sooner had he filled me completely and I’d rocked back and forth once or twice my climax hit me violently and I leaned back and jerked my hips as it coursed through me. As it subsided, I kept rocking my hips and opened my eyes, looking down to see Jerry grinning appreciatively. “You havin’ fun sugar?” he asked. I laughed, “You could say that!” and leaned over him once again maintaining the rhythm but giving him a different angle so that he got more friction from within me. He groaned out loud and leaned forward to take a nipple into his mouth again as he kneaded my other breast relentlessly sending new waves of pleasure through me. I leaned back this time pulling Jerry up with me and wrapping my legs around behind him. He was now able to mash my tits together as he’d been doing when I’d interrupted him and was frantically sucking and nipping them between groans. I increased the rhythm of my rocking and squeezed him tightly from within watching as he threw his head back and cursed loudly. I felt his release inside me, that alone brought me another orgasm and we held onto each other tightly as we came and for a long time afterwards. Finally we fell asleep in each other’s arms. 

~*~

I woke late again, but amazingly without my expected red wine hangover, Jerry was obviously dead to the world; it was his snores that had awoken me. I lay motionless for a while still in the crook of his arm, watching his chest rise and fall and feeling his heart beat beneath me. But I couldn’t resist the temptation to touch him; it was as if I had to check that he was real. 

Idly I stroked the arm around me tracing the pattern of the tattoo on his forearm whilst I daydreamed about lying in bed with him all day with nothing to but fuck; paradise! I hadn’t meant it to, but this roused him from his sleep 

“Hey you,” he said sleepily. “What’s up?” I felt his lithe body stretch out and he turned on his side to look at me. 

“Hey, sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.” I apologised untangling my hair from beneath his arm. 

“No problem, I never mind being woken up by a beautiful woman, whatever time of day it is.” He grinned leaning over and kissing the end of my nose. 

‘Yeah, every fucking day!’ I thought sarcastically as he cruelly reminded me that this was not a situation that was going to last for very long. Knowing he’d be back in LA in a day or two with hot babes hanging on his every word, all more than happy to wake him up with a blow job. I tried to put this thought out of my mind; there was no sense in torturing myself. I knew the deal after all; I wasn’t a naïve teenager. I had to get a grip or I’d risk blowing the rest of the weekend. 

I smiled despite myself and returned his kiss with a playful shove in the chest, letting him know I wasn’t buying the bullshit. But he just pulled me to him and covered my mouth with his and kissed me so tenderly that all my negative thoughts vanished. 

“What d’ya wanna do today?” he asked when he’d finished turning me into a quivering mess, ensuring that I was still held tightly against his morning glory. 

“I thought you had plans to keep me in bed all weekend,” I replied. “Or perhaps you’d like show me a good time out in the fresh air seeing as it looks like summer is on its way?” I suggested moving against him. 

“Sure, we can do that later. But I need to give you something first...” he smiled wickedly pushing me onto my back and rolling on-top of me. The next hour or so were spent lazily caressing, kissing, screwing and giggling until hunger and the need for a post coital cigarette finally got the better of Jerry. “You want some coffee?” He asked rising from the bed to go in search of his Marlboro’s.

“Hmm, that’d be nice. With croissants and jam please.” I joked stretching my arms above my head and looking around for my discarded robe from yesterday morning, but it seemed it had already been claimed; Jerry was modelling my red silk kimono camply around the bedroom with a cigarette hanging from his lips totally spoiling the effect, but I was in hysterics nevertheless. 

“Not just a big dick you know honey!” He declared flicking his hair over his shoulders. “I’m in touch with my feminine side too...” I was laughing so hard I thought I would pee myself “In fact my inner female told me you’d want some fancy French shit for breakfast, so that’s exactly what I bought at the store.” 

“You didn’t, I don’t believe you!” I retorted wiping my eyes. 

“Really? You don’t think I was serious about my E.S.P.?” He challenged. “C’mon darlin’ how many times does it have to happen for you to believe me?” 

I narrowed my eyes at him, surely he couldn’t have known, even I hadn’t thought about breakfast until the moment I’d mentioned it and I never ate croissants. 

“Ok, you’re officially freaking me out now Cantrell!” I exclaimed. “Give me my robe back and I’ll come down stairs with you.” 

“Na-ha, I’m wearin’ it, red’s my colour don’tcha know? You can wear this.” He threw the t-shirt he’d been wearing the day before at me. 

“But that will barely cover my arse!” I argued. “Exactly. And I’m gonna make you bend over and get plentya things out the refrigerator. Now get a move on girl!” He drilled me making me jump off the bed and chased me down the stairs.


	4. Chapter 4

We sat on the deck in my tiny back yard to eat our breakfast and let the sun warm our faces. The weather was so beautiful, I was determined that we should spend the day outside and Jerry suggested we drive to the beach to dip our toes in the ocean. 

By late afternoon that is exactly what we were doing. We’d found a quiet stretch of beach, probably because although the weather may have warmed up considerably, the Pacific Ocean was still icy cold. I was refusing to go in after the initial shock of letting the waves lap at my feet. 

“C’mon, don’t be a pussy!” Jerry shouted at me as I ran back to the dry sand. “Don’t make me come and get you Elle!” He followed me back to where I was now sitting on a towel trying to warm my feet back up. 

“Oh no. Don’t you dare Cantrell. I’m not going back in that ocean, If I catch hypothermia I’ll send you the hospital bill!” I warned picking up my sandals preparing to use them in self-defence as he stood over me with a look of pure wickedness on his face. “I mean it, I’m not afraid to use these wedges on you. I’m a ninja in the art of shoe warfare I’ll have you know.” 

Jerry just laughed as I swiped my shoes in his direction. He caught one and then other in quick succession and a tug of war ensued, which of course I was losing miserably as Jerry dragged me on my bum towards the water. I realised quickly that this plan hadn’t worked, so I let go and Jerry promptly fell on his arse as I laughed at his expense. 

“Right Missy, no more Mr Nice Guy!” He shouted throwing my shoes back on the towel. Hauling himself up from the sand he lunged at me. I shrieked and ran off up the beach with him in hot pursuit. It didn’t take long for him to catch me and he threw me over his shoulder, marching back down to the water’s edge as I kicked and struggled against him calling him every name under the sun. “You ready?” He asked as he waded into the sea. 

“Nooooooooo! Please don’t!” I begged. “Why do you have to be such a cliché all the time Cantrell? This is like a scene from a bad chick flick!” I imparted thumping his back with my fists. 

“Oh, I’m a cliché am I? I don’t think you’re in the position to be handing out the insults right now honey, do you?” He retorted as he tipped me further over his shoulder towards the water causing me to shriek louder than ever. 

“Well you are!” I yelled sliding my fingers under his belt and holding on tightly; if I was going in, he was coming with me. I’d timed it perfectly, he’d already begun to let go of me before he realised what I’d done and we fell into the water almost simultaneously. 

“You Wanker!” I cried jumping up and gasping for air as the icy salt water took my breath away. 

“Me? You’re a sneaky one. Very clever!” Jerry laughed as I kicked water at him. 

“We’re fully clothed you great eejit! We’ll probably get pneumonia now.” 

“Oh well, as long you’re in the bed next to me in the hospital, I’ll be happy.” He said reaching out and pulling me towards the shore. 

We looked like two drowned rats as we dripped back up the beach, with me handing out slaps to his wet back the whole way, making idle threats. As soon as we reached the towels I began to strip off, removing my vest top and shorts and wrapped myself up in a big soft red towel wondering what the hell I was going to put on now. Jerry was chuckling away to himself as he pulled his t-shirt over his head and began drying his torso. He was wearing baggy lightweight ¾ length shorts that would dry in no time if he stayed in the sun; I on the other hand had nothing but this towel to cover my modesty. 

I was cross. There’s nothing like freezing your tits off and being soaked to the skin to give you a sense of humour bypass. I scowled at him, but it seemed that he didn’t seem to care. 

“What?” He asked in all innocence. “I was just tryin’a think of new ways to get you undressed.” He laughed. 

“Oh hilarious! Well I just love freezing to death, perhaps next time you could just ask nicely and I might just oblige, although right now I suggest you don’t even go there!” No, I was not amused. 

Jerry tried to straighten out his face stepping closer and enfolding me in his arms as he wrapped his towel around the both of us. 

“Oh God, you’re shivering.” He said pulling me tighter to him. He began to towel dry my hair as I stood passively resting my cheek against his bare chest “Sorry sugar, I really didn’t think it was that cold.” 

“Hrmph!” was all I could manage as my teeth began to chatter. He was vigorously rubbing my quivering body, trying to bring some warmth back to my skin. “We need to get you a hot drink and something warm to wear.” “You think?” I replied caustically, but my anger was subsiding, he clearly felt bad and I wasn’t one to hold a grudge for long. “C’mon, let’s go back to the car and see if we can see a coffee place on the way.” 

A stiff breeze was now evident and it seemed to cut right through me as I let him adjust the towels around me so that I was covered almost head to toe in order to protect me from it. Luckily the car wasn’t too far away and as we crossed the road I spotted a fast food booth about 30 yds away, elbowing Jerry I nodded in its direction and simply said “coffee.” 

“’K babe, you get in the car and I’ll go get you one.” He raced off as I moved round to the passenger side of the big black SUV and out of the wind. Once there with the sun pouring down on to me I began to feel some of its warmth and pushed the towel back from my head letting it touch my face and hopefully my damp hair. 

~*~

Jerry was back quickly looking worried and proffering what I can only describe as a bucket of coffee. I was starting to thaw out and the sight of this brought a smile to my face and my sense of humour returned. 

“What the... are you expecting me swim in that?” I asked amused. The relief on his face was tangible and he broke out into a broad smile too. 

“You warmin’ up then?” He asked producing sugar and sticks and little cream pods from the pocket of his damp trousers. “I was real worried that you would catch hypothermia for a while there. Sugar and cream?” 

I nodded, knowing that sugar would be a good thing right now. “I’m still not exactly roasting here, but now I’m out of the wind, it’s not so bad.” I said reaching out to tuck a lock of his bedraggled hair behind his ear letting him know I wasn’t cross with him. “Have you seen yourself?” I smiled up at him. 

“Yeah I caught a glimpse in the espresso machine back there. You don’t like it? I was wonderin’ whether to go for dreadlocks, would save a hella lot of time and effort washin’ it!” 

“I was thinking along the lines of ‘looking Minnesota and feeling California’ rather than the other way around actually.” I quipped. Jerry regarded me through narrowed eyes for a moment, stirring the sugar into my coffee, obviously trying to place the quote. 

When the penny dropped he said “Are you quoting Cornell at me?” I nodded grinning as he placed the vat of coffee in my hands. “I’m hurt,” he said looking dejected.

“As if!” I retorted sipping the hot coffee, which produced a sudden involuntary and violent shudder causing me to spill the coffee on my hands and the towel wrapped around my shoulders. “Shit that’s hot!” I howled nearly dropping the entire cup over me too. 

“There’s no pleasin’ you is there? Women!” Jerry tutted & rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you gimme that and get in the car? I can put the heater on to warm you up and we might find you something to wear.” I handed over my cup and opened up the nearest door and climbed up onto the back seat. Jerry walked round to the driver’s door, opened it, turned the key in the ignition and whacked up the heat control. He put my coffee into the cup holder in between the front seats and then joined me on the back seat. 

It wasn’t cold in the car at all and with the heater blowing out full blast, I started to feel a whole lot better, so I removed the damp towel which was covering my top half. 

“Have you still got your underwear on?” Jerry asked looking at me like I was an idiot. 

“You really do have a one track mind don’t you Jerry?” I shook my head and took my turn raising my eyes to the heavens. 

“Actually no, there’s no point in tryin’a warm you up if you’re still wearing soaking wet garments is there?” He replied matter of factly. 

“Oh, no I s’pose not.” I conceded. 

“C’mon let’s get ‘em off yer sugar.” I lifted my hips and Jerry pulled the second towel out from under me throwing it over the back seat into the boot. Suddenly I felt shy and didn’t want to sit in the back of his car completely naked and wrapped my arms around me protectively. Jerry turned back to me and raised an eyebrow and my non-conformity of his command. “Do you need some help?” 

I shook my head but didn’t move another muscle as we stared at each other. I was determined not to look away this time, but before long I was drowning in their intensity as they seemed to turn from a bright cobalt blue to an inky midnight colour before me. I could feel the panic rising up within me as once again I felt he was piercing right through me; reading all my darkest secrets. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide this so I looked away under the pretence of picking up my coffee. I could feel my pulse throbbing in my temples and struggled to control my breathing. ‘What the fuck is going on here?’ I wondered scared at my inability to control anything that seemed to be happening. 

Gulping down a mouthful of coffee I tried desperately to get a grip on myself, but before I had a chance to take another, Jerry had reached over and taken it from me, placing it back in the holder. I froze and my pulse quickened further still in anticipation of I didn’t know what. He moved closer to me placing a finger under my chin and turned my face towards his own. I kept my eyes down afraid to look at him. 

“Hey,” he whispered as my heart banged in my chest so loudly I was sure he would hear it, “look at me.” 

“I can’t.” I replied. 

“Why not?” I shrugged, I really had no answer apart from the fear of something I didn’t know or understand. 

“There’s nothing to be scared of y’know.” He murmured almost inaudibly, his face was so close to mine I could feel his words on my cheek. I felt compelled despite myself to look up and as I did he brushed my lips with his in the lightest of touches. It was barely a kiss, at least nothing like the kind we’d shared before, more like a message. The only problem was I didn’t believe that I could’ve read it properly; how could I trust him? I didn’t even know him properly and he certainly didn’t know me. 

I shivered anew, although I wasn’t sure it was my wet underwear that had caused it this time and Jerry reiterated softly that I really should take it off. I nodded my consent and again lifted up my hips and allowed him to ease my knickers down my legs as I reached around and unhooked my bra pulling the straps down my arms. Realising how cold my breasts still were I shivered again as the warm air met them. Discarding my underwear behind us with the towels I felt totally naked in more ways than just the physical, but surprisingly also really turned on by the tension that was between us right now. 

Jerry leaned in to kiss me again and ran one hand from my collarbone down to cup a cold damp breast, his warm hand sending fire shooting straight to the very core of me. I gasped at the sensation and felt Jerry’s slight but persistent pressure on my other shoulder as he pushed me down to lay along the length of the back seat, momentarily allowing his other hand to leave my breast and swing my legs around to the other side of him. Then he leaned over to fix me with that intense gaze, his eyes seeming almost black now and simply smiled at me. In that very moment I believed it. 

Bending lower he drew my mouth into a perfect sensuous kiss whilst both his hands covered my breasts softly stroking as he warmed them back up. Despite the fervid sensations he was sending though my body I lay transfixed, unable to move but knowing that it was ok; he was still trying to tell me something and this wasn’t going to be about just sex. His hands moved lower now caressing the coldness of my hips bringing them back to life too. 

Once he’d achieved his objective to warm me up, one hand moved back up and continued with the stroking whilst the other brushed delicately down along one thigh causing me to moan softly as the electrical current from his fingers surged straight between my legs. My eyes were closed tightly as I could feel myself getting lost in the soft sensations Jerry was raining upon my body. I was aware that he was no longer kissing me and knew that he would be watching my face enjoying the fact that he had complete control over my senses. Almost involuntarily I raised my knees longing to feel his warm hands where I needed them most and he didn’t disappoint me. 

Still with the tenderest of touches his fingers trailed between my legs tracing the line of the folds downwards not pushing between them until he reached the bottom, then only slightly. He slowly ran a fingertip back up parting them as he went causing me to moan at the exquisite sensation this sent deep into me. Then down again, this time using the length of his finger and applying more pressure over a wider area at the same time, which prompted me to buck my hips and cry out as I felt my juices begin to flow. I felt two fingers dip inside me bringing me the pleasure I was craving but they quickly left me and I felt the pain of longing instantly as they trailed upwards towards my clit, gently rubbing it. He seemed to like this and did it several times getting the same reaction from me for each. I longed to grab his hand and push it deep within me, but I knew he was to have this his way. 

I had to wait to feel him inside me again as he slid his fingers lightly then more arduously over my clit sending me to the edge on more than one occasion. Finally as I held my breath willing him onwards he pushed them back into me further than before and twisted them as he pulled them nearly all the way back out and drove them back into me again and again and again, twisting all the while. I felt my orgasm building rapidly then and whereas I would usually shut my eyes at this point to let it wash over me, I snapped them open and looked deep into Jerry’s as I shook violently gasping for breath, coming hard against his hand. 

Still looking deep into each other’s eyes, he left his fingers deep within me and as my breathing became more regular he began to stroke me curling his fingers to reach further back inside. My eyes widened as this new sensation felt too much for me to bear right then and I sharply drew breath only to be shushed and calmed by Jerry holding a finger to my lips and smiling. I’d got the message loud and clear now, this was about trust and at that very moment we both knew that we’d crossed over from a weekend fuck to something more. 

Slowly but surely his fingers were working their magic within me, but this time I needed more. I formed the words in my head and opened my mouth to say them, but he beat me to it. 

“I want to make love to you.” I smiled and nodded reaching up to touch his face. He withdrew his fingers and pulled me up to a sitting position. I kissed him eagerly wrapping my arms around his neck tightly and shifted so that I was sat on his lap facing him. Pulling back from him I smiled again and saw that his eyes were back to their beautiful sky colour and he was smiling back at me. 

“I think you’ll need to lose the trousers.” I suggested quietly, rising up in order to give him the movement he need to take them off, which he did quickly. We kissed again running our hands across each other’s bodies as if to commit every inch of each other to memory then he lifted me up and lowered me back down onto his waiting shaft. Both of us moaning as he slowly filled me. We joined hands entwining our fingers tightly together and found a slow and purposeful rhythm. The whole time our eyes were locked on each other’s and not once did either of us look away. Jerry began whispering sweet nothings to me; telling me I was beautiful and that he wanted to stay inside me forever. With every word he said I felt my excitement grow and I tightened myself around him until we were both at the point of no return climaxing together and sealing some unspoken contract.


	5. Chapter 5

Back home Jerry ran me a hot bath then had to take some calls about his upcoming schedule for rehearsals & touring, whilst I laid soaking in a sea of bubbles lamenting the fact that it was going to be at least a month before I saw him again. We’d only known each other a couple of days, but I could already feel myself getting addicted to him. God I was going to miss those hands, those eyes, his laughter. ‘Better get used to it’ I told myself, ‘not as if our lives are gonna be easy to co-ordinate!’ I sank lower in the tub, closing my eyes and began to sing, far quieter than I would usually; I didn’t want anyone to hear me! 

_“Do you miss me?  
Like I miss you  
If you miss me,  
Never go away  
Hopefully, you’ll come and stay someday  
If you’re leaving,  
Come back soon  
That’s not easy to say  
I will wait here,  
Dream of you  
All alone as I ache” _

“That’s a pretty song and you got a real pretty voice.” Jerry said leaning in the doorway of the bathroom startling me and causing a small tidal wave as I shot back up into a sitting position. 

“Christ, you’re light on your feet!” The wave flowed over onto the floor. 

“That’s why they call me twinkle toes,” Jerry laughed spinning around like a ballerina. “Anyway, I thought you knew I was here, weren’t you singin’ that for me?” 

“No! Christ Jerry, your ego does not need any further inflation from me, that’s for sure! I retorted pulling a towel from the rail to mop up the mess I’d made. “Can you grab me another towel from the cupboard so I can get out please?” 

“Sure, if you promise to let me take you to dinner tonight.” 

“Ok, it’s not like that’ll be a hardship now is it?” I grinned. 

“Yeah, but you’ve not heard my other request yet.” He said dangling the towel just out of my reach. I raised my eyebrows indicating he should continue. “Wear somethin’ sexy and pack an overnight bag.” I eyed him suspiciously. 

“What kind of sexy?” 

“Surprise me.” 

I shook my head at him, “That’s no bloody good to me; I need to know where we’re going so I can dress appropriately.” He thought for a moment and said: “Just try not to look like a hooker.” Then laughed that very dirty laugh of his. 

“Wanker!” I said flicking water at him and standing up, “You’re no help at all, just give me the damn towel!” He conceded and stepped over to wrap it around me, hugging me tight and kissing me hard. We stayed like that for a minute or two and I felt his dick swelling between us. I pushed myself against it, but Jerry groaned and took a step back. 

“Oh God, you turn me on. But not now, the table’s at Eight, and it’s nearly Seven so you’d better get ready.” 

“Shit!” I exclaimed, “That’s not enough time to even decide what to wear Jerry. You know how to make it difficult for a girl don’t you?” I began drying myself quickly, as he rearranged his jeans wincing. 

“You’d look great in a sack, stop worrying! I’ll leave you to get dressed, I don’t trust myself to stay and watch.”

I ran to my closet and began rifling. Sexy? That covered a vast multitude of looks in my book, what did he think was sexy? I pulled out dresses and even a leather mini skirt all of which I’d worn as a much younger woman and wondered why I even still had them as I rejected each one in turn. ‘Fuck it. I’ll wear what I feel comfortable in!’ I decided pulling open my underwear drawer and taking out a black lace and blue satin basque. Worn with a tight velvet jacket and dark blue jeans this wouldn’t be seen as a basque, but would suggest that there was more sexiness below the surface. 

I straightened my hair and put on my makeup adding some smoky blue eye shadow and black eyeliner to heighten the look and sprayed some perfume in the right places. I was just pulling on some stiletto boots when Jerry called up the stairs that I had 5 minutes before we had to leave. Shit – I needed to pack a bag too! Back at my underwear drawer I rummaged looking for something special to wear later. I was big on comfort usually wearing pyjamas to bed, and not having had a man in my life for so long meant that I didn’t know where any of the sexy stuff was anymore! Right at the back I found a cream slip satin nightdress, it was crumpled, but it would have to do. Grabbing a change of clothes for the next day and the bare minimum of toiletries I flung it all into a holdall. I picked up the clutch bag I’d bought for the party and threw in some makeup, keys and my phone before running for the stairs. At the top I stood for a second and took a deep breath, not wanting to look all flustered. 

Having showered in the guest bathroom, Jerry was waiting for me by the front door looking pretty damn hot himself in black jeans, a white shirt and the black jacket he’d put around my shoulders on Thursday night. His hair was lose and still damp. 

God I wanted him. 

He watched me descend the stairs, smiling his approval at my choice of outfit as his eyes raked over me. The jacket nipped my waist in and the basque gave me an enormous cleavage, plus there was nothing like a pair of three-inch stilettos to make you appear slimmer than you really were! 

“Do I fit the bill?” I asked as I reached the bottom giving him a twirl. 

“And some.” He replied whistling through his teeth. “You look amazing; I might have a riot on my hands tonight with you looking like that.” 

“What, do I look slutty?” I asked suddenly concerned that my idea of understated was way off. “’Course not, just hot as hell. Now c’mere and show me what’s under that jacket.” He pulled me to him and undid the single button displaying the silk and lace underneath. “You gotta be kiddin’ me? How can you expect me to go out now that I’ve seen that?” His eyes nearly popping out of his head. 

“Show some restraint man. It’ll give you something to look forward to,” I chastised. 

“Yeah that’s the problem, I’ve gotta sit across from you imagining all the things I’m gonna do to you later, it’s gonna be uncomfortable...” he shook his head ruefully and pulled my waist in to meet his so I could feel his growing hard on. I wasn’t going to admit it, but I was just as ready to jack dinner in and have him take me right there on the stairs, as I’m sure he would’ve. We kissed, but once again Jerry stopped us going too far. “What the fuck are you doin’ to me woman?” I pouted, wiping lip-gloss from his lips as he opened the front door. “Now get in the car before I change my mind!” He said slapping my bum. 

~*~

We drove into San Francisco, and even though I was guessing our destination every few minutes, Jerry refused to tell me. It wasn’t until we turned onto Market Street and I saw the Four Seasons, did he finally give it up. 

“Oooh fancy, I’ve never stayed here before. Never really needed to!” I said excited at the prospect of being treated like a VIP for a change, after all it was usually me doing the running around after them! 

“I thought you’d like it. We’re gonna have dinner here too,” he said as we turned in. 

“Noooo, really? It’s so posh in there!” My eyes were wide at the prospect. “I should’ve worn something different,” I suddenly felt nervous; sure that everyone would know I didn’t belong there. 

Jerry tutted, “Don’t be stupid, you look fantastic. Like a rock star yourself in fact!” My door was opened by a doorman who offered me his hand in order to help me down from my seat. 

“Good Evening Madam,” the doorman tipped his hat to me, I returned the greeting and waited for Jerry as he handed over the keys to the valet and a bellboy took our bags. We checked in and were told our table was awaiting us, whenever we were ready.

Jerry placed a comforting hand on my waist and ushered me through to the restaurant where we were greeted by the Maître D who asked us if he could take our jackets. 

“I’m just fine thank you,” I replied blushing at the thought of sitting there without it. Jerry smirked and winked at me as he handed his over and we were shown to our table. 

“I could get used to this,” I whispered over my menu when we were alone. 

“Well you’d better not spend too much time with me then darlin’,” Jerry laughed. “I’m not in Metallica!” 

“Seriously though, what’s this all in aid of? You must know there’s no need to wine and dine me, I’m a low key kind of girl,” I asked him puzzled by such a grand gesture. 

“Two reasons. Firstly, to make it up to you after dunking you in the Pacific earlier...” 

I frowned at him. “But you’ve already done that. Remember the car?” 

He silenced me with a look “...And, because I wanted to let you know that this ain’t just a casual fling as far as I’m concerned. I don’t do this kind of thing for every woman I meet y’know.” 

I fought the urge to tell him that he’d be broke if he did. My usual knee jerk reaction to an uncomfortable situation was to make it into a joke, but something in Jerry’s eyes told me he wouldn’t appreciate any wisecracks right now. 

“Oh,” was all I could muster. 

Fortunately I was saved from having to comment as the waiter brought over the wine to be tasted. This bought me a couple of minutes of thinking time and I stared down at my menu. 

I could feel Jerry’s eyes burning into me as my mind raced. I was over the moon of course, he was gorgeous, fun, a gentlemen and a fantastic fuck. But he was hardly a safe bet and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to start something that would ultimately end in tears and a broken heart. But how did I tell him that? 

I thanked the waiter and smiled at him as he filled my glass, feeling tempted to grab his arm and ask him inane questions just so that I didn’t have to have this conversation with Jerry right now, but I let him walk away.

“Ok, I know it’s a bit soon to be makin’ any promises and that’s not what I’m trying to do here,” Jerry began by way of explanation, sensing my disquiet. “But I felt something today and I know you did too. I just can’t ignore that, I don’t want to. Fuck Elle I know what you think of me; I’m just some love ‘em and leave ‘em rock dude who can have any girl he wants and that has been true in the past, it’s been easier to fuck around than get fucked up again. I know I’ve avoided growing up for the longest time, but somethin’ ‘bout you feels different, right... Oh I don’t even know what I’m trying to say!” he shrugged and leaned back in his chair searching my face for a reaction. 

This information was pretty out of the blue and I hadn’t quite let it sink in yet. But I wasn’t going to panic and I wasn’t going to try and hide again either. We sat for a few minutes just regarding each other across the table. I knew I wanted this more than anything, but I was far from naive and really didn’t fancy our chances of making a relationship work. I was going to be cautious. 

“You’re right,” I began calmly, “this is a little bit heavy for a first date. I do think you’re a womaniser and yes, I did feel something earlier too. That’s why I’m still here and haven’t laughed in your face,” I picked up my glass wanting down its entire contents to give me the courage to make a decision, because I knew that once I had there’d be no going back. I was stalling. 

“And?” Jerry leaned forward again and rested his elbows on the table. 

“And, well let’s just see how it goes. I don’t think now is the right time to be starting something, when you’re about to go on tour and spend two months in Europe.” 

“But you’ll be there too,” Jerry interjected. 

“Yeah on the same continent, sometimes in the same place, but we’ll both be working, it’s not like we’ll be able to spend any quality time together is it?” 

Jerry shrugged and I had to smile at the way the dynamics had suddenly switched between us. I was actually the one in control! 

“Look, let’s just have some fun when we can, no pressure hey?” I reached across the table and took one of the hands Jerry was resting his chin on. “I’m not saying no, just trying to be a grown up,” I gave his hand a squeeze and with a wink I added “one of us has to!” 

He laughed then and turned my hand over and kissed the palm. “Cool, let’s have some fun.” 

~*~

After a truly exceptional dinner and a bottle of wine, I was ready to let my hair down a bit after the formalness of the restaurant and I talked Jerry into some bar hopping. Much to my horror we walked passed a pretty cheesy Karaoke place and he insisted on going in. ‘I wanna hear you sing properly!’ he’d said. 

I had visions of Cameron Diaz in ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’, screeching like a banshee and embarrassing myself entirely and said I would only consider singing if he did it first. This would give me time to get some serious Dutch courage in. 

As we sat at the bar it was a relief for me to hear that there were also a few other shockers in for the evening; the seventy-year-old Elvis wannabe murdering ‘Suspicious Minds’ was a particular favourite of mine. There was also clearly a crowd of regulars, who had their songs nailed and were pretty competitive. 

“What are you going to sing?” I yelled in Jerry’s ear over a twenty-something Beyonce impersonator who was giving it some serious welly.

“Just wait and see. You should really start thinkin’ about your song,” he said sliding the book in front of me. 

Shit! He really was going to make me sing. “I’m serious Jerry, I have a terrible voice & you’ll be so embarrassed that you’ll never want to be seen in public with me again!” he just nodded, clearly not buying it, even though it was true. I motioned to the bartender and asked for 2 tequila shots and 2 more beers. 

“Am I carrying you back to the hotel later?” Jerry asked when the drinks arrived. 

“It’s ok, one of the beers is for you,” I grinned knocking back my first shot. One of my rules in life had always been: if in doubt have Tequila! It had worked for me up until now and I saw no reason why it shouldn’t tonight. 

Jerry raised his eyebrows as I sucked on a lime. “Don’t worry,” I reassured him, “me and Jose go way back.” 

Jerry was called then and he made his way towards the tiny stage. As he took the mic I heard the opening notes of The Doors ‘Love Me Two Times’ 

_“Love me two times, baby  
Love me twice today  
Love me two times, girl I'm goin' away  
Love me two times, girl  
One for tomorrow  
One just for today_

_Love me two times I'm goin' away  
Love me one time I could not speak  
Love me one time baby  
Yeah, my knees got weak  
But love me two times, girl  
Last me all through the week  
Love me two times I'm goin' away  
Love me two times I'm goin' away_

_Oh, yes...”_

When it was over I clapped and wolf whistled along with the rest of the bar, many of whom had recognised Jerry and were shaking his hand and patting him on the back as he made his way towards me. 

“That was cool babe!” I beamed at him flinging my arms around his neck and planting a kiss on his lips. “Think I got then message.” 

“Well it’s your turn now sugar. Better make up your mind before I pick somethin’ for you.” He laughed waving the book at me again. I sighed and sunk my second shot. “I’ve already decided actually, so be prepared to die laughing, ‘cos I ain’t no Britney!” 

Knowing that if I tried to do something properly, I’d just look like an idiot I’d remembered my old party number from when I was in college; Kate Bush’s ‘Wuthering Heights’. I knew my voice was in the right range and back in the day people would always make me get up and sing this after a few drinks, because I did a great take off of her strange dancing. 

Unfortunately I didn’t have to wait too long and they called my name as I was coming back from the restroom. If only I’d gone a couple of minutes later, I might’ve missed my slot! 

I grudgingly walked to the front and took the microphone from its stand and made an immediate apology for my upcoming poor performance, 

“If you’d like to take it up with anyone afterwards, please see the blonde gentleman at the bar” I said pointing to Jerry who held both his hands up in defence. 

The piano introduction started and I held back a snigger as I hung my head and went into character. 

_“Out on the wiley, windy moors  
We'd roll and fall in green.  
You had a temper like my jealousy:  
Too hot, too greedy.  
How could you leave me,  
When I needed to possess you?  
I hated you.  
I loved you, too. _

_Bad dreams in the night  
You told me I was going to lose the fight,  
Leave behind my wuthering, wuthering  
Wuthering Heights._

_Heathcliff, it's me, your Cathy, I've come home.  
I´m so cold, let me in-a-your window...”_

I leaned forward extending my arm reaching dramatically whilst I swayed and flung my hair a’la Kate. The singing wasn’t too bad, but I was determined not make eye contact with Jerry throughout the song, knowing I’d start laughing and never stop if I did. 

Once it was over the audience actually gave me quite a nice round of applause. I thanked them and apologised again before making a beeline for the next cold beer. When I made it back to my stool at the bar, Jerry was still clapping and whistling, I hit him to make him stop, sat down and put my head on the bar. 

“You happy now that you’ve humiliated me?” I asked turning to him. 

“Are you kidding me?” he asked incredulous, “That was great! Where’d you learn to do that? You could make money being a Kate Bush impersonator if we got you a wig and some ballet outfits.” 

“Shut up!” I replied hitting him again. 

“I’m serious, you coulda been her, ‘specially the moves.” 

I just laughed shaking my head. “God I need a cigarette, can I have one of yours?” 

“Sure, don’t be too long though babe, you don’t want to miss my next performance, it’s for you,” I kissed him lightly and went outside. As I stood with the other outcasts I heard a familiar bass line start up; someone was actually daring to sing ‘Would?’ in Jerry’s presence! I smoked quickly in order to get back and lend my support. 

I opened the door to enter the bar and saw that most eyes were not on the grungy looking bearded guy singing, but on poor Jerry. People were actually craning their necks to get a look 32 at his reaction. As I approached him I could see him smiling and tapping his foot in time to the music, as he swigged his beer. 

“Hey babe,” I said leaning over his shoulder and kissing his cheek, “you ok?” 

“Yeah, ‘course.” came the reply as he swivelled around on his stool and wound his arm around my waist, “I’ve had this before, it’s ok. I think it’s cool when people sing my songs, it’s when everyone else stares at me that it’s a bit disconcerting, y’know?” “

Yes I can see that.” I said looking around the bar as people nudged each other and whispered. I wanted to stick my tongue out and give them the V sign, but held back, it wasn’t me they were looking at after all. 

The grungy guy finished his song, screaming the final few lines and then shouted “Alice In Chains! YEEEAAAAHHH!” threw his microphone on the floor and gave Jerry the two horned salute. I had to fight my face not to burst out laughing, but Jerry stood and applauded the rendition graciously, giving the guy two thumbs up. 

The spectacle over, people went back to their drinks as the next performer made their way frontwards. And we were once again able to cosy up and enjoy the entertainment like everyone else, until Jerry was called for his second performance of the evening. 

“I’d like to dedicate this to the gorgeous redhead at the bar,” Jerry said straight off causing everyone to turn and stare at me. I covered my face with my hands as I blushed. Then the song started and I blushed even deeper, absolutely mortified that he would pick a Metallica song. As the guitar intro went on I shook my head and pulled a face at Jerry letting him know how cheesy I thought this was. 

_“So close no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters _

_Never opened myself this way  
Life is ours, we live it our way  
All these words I don't just say  
And nothing else matters _

_Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every day for us something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters _

_Never cared for what they do_  
Never cared for what they know  
But I know...” 

The whole time he was singing he kept his eyes on me and once again we became the focal point for the entire room. I wanted the ground to swallow me up I’d never been so embarrassed. There was nowhere to hide so I just had sit there grinning like an idiot. It was probably the longest six and a half minutes of my life. When the song was over, the whole place erupted, everyone was on their feet, except me who was rooted to my bar stool like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck. A woman a couple of stools down from me at the bar came over and said “You’re one lucky girl, honey!” 

“Yeah, I know... thanks,” I replied bashfully looking down at my feet, I couldn’t bear all this attention. It took Jerry twice as long to get back to me this time as it seemed everyone had something to say to him. I took a long gulp and drained my beer as I waited for him, desperately wanting to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. 

When he finally reached me he was grinning ear to ear and he brought his hands up to my face and kissed me hard, raising another cheer. 

“You bastard!” I said into his ear. 

“What, didn’t you like it?” Jerry said leaning back to look at me. 

“Yeah, it was lovely, thank you. But did you have to make everyone look at us?” my face was burning, but he just laughed and kissed me again. 

“C’mon then let’s get out of here, there’s things I wanna do to you,” he said taking my hand to help me off the stool. As we made our way to the door, people wished us goodnight and I shyly did the same in reply. I was so grateful to get outside and feel the fresh air on my cheeks, finally I began to relax. 

~*~

We walked back hand in hand in the direction of the hotel. Suddenly he stopped, swung me round and into a passionate kiss that probably shouldn’t have been for public consumption. He undid the button on my jacket and his hands went underneath stroking the satin and lace above my hips. He let his hands wander higher and I felt his thumbs brush over my nipples. In response I grabbed either side of his belt and yanked his hips into meet mine so that I could feel him swelling against me. I broke the kiss then and said

“You’d better stop fucking around and get me back to that hotel,” wiping my lip-gloss from around his mouth again with a thumb. He didn’t need telling twice and took my hand once more and pulled me down the street as fast as my stilettos would allow. 

I made him stop before we reached the door to catch my breath and do my jacket up. I ran a hand through his hair smoothing it down and he came in for another steamy kiss holding me tight and not allowing me to get away until he was ready to let go. Afterwards I needed to catch my breath again and we stood a moment nose to nose just looking into each other’s eyes. 

“You’re gonna have to walk in front me,” he said eventually breaking the spell. I looked down and sure enough there was his enormous erection for the entire world to see. I giggled and suggested he took his jacket off and carry it over his arm to cover it. “Smart as well as sexy.” he said nodding his approval and shrugging it off. We made our way into the hotel, through reception and into an open elevator trying to look as normal as possible. 

As soon as the doors closed Jerry pushed me back against the mirrored side wall and almost ripped my jacket from me, casting it to one side as his mouthed covered mine in a bruising kiss. His hands were on my breasts immediately kneading them through the basque, the length of his body was forced hard against mine. I heard the elevator panel pinging as we passed each floor. I could barely breathe, it felt as if his entire being was taking me over and suffocating me. 

It was difficult, but I pushed him back from me and gasped for air, then I reached over to the panel and hit the stop button. The car jolted to a halt between the 8th and 9th floors and I turned back to Jerry. He had a wild primal look in his eyes as he came close to me again, but I was no longer afraid. In that instant as he brushed back my hair from where it had fallen over one eye and reclaimed my mouth I felt a connection between us that was so powerful it was like being struck by lightning. 

We parted; both registering the knowledge of it in each other’s face. Immediately I was pulling my boots off and propelling my jeans floor-wards as fast as I could and he was there lifting me off the ground. He slammed into me so hard the elevator shook with the force of it and I screamed in a mixture of pleasure and pain. I caught sight of us in the mirror on the opposite wall and watched as he hammered himself into me again and again. It was all too much and I came quickly calling his name, Jerry was right behind me repaying me with the same compliment. 

He held me there against the wall as we returned to earth, our eyes met and we burst out laughing. 

“What the fuck...?” I asked running my fingers through his golden hair so I could his face properly. 

“I have no idea, but it was fucking amazing!” Jerry replied lowering me to the floor gently. 

I grabbed my jeans and put them back on as Jerry zipped himself back up and retrieved our discarded jackets from the floor. I was putting mine back on when I noticed the scratch marks along my breasts. 

“Jerry!” I exclaimed turning to him and holding my jacket open for him to see the long red wheals he’d left on my skin. “Fuck, I’m sorry Elle. I dunno what happened then,” he said punching the button to start the lift up again. 

I picked my boots and bag up and as I straightened up Jerry encircled me in his arms and kissed me softly “I’ll kiss ‘em all better as soon as we get to the room, I promise.” 

Once in our room, Jerry the charming romantic made a reappearance; taking my jacket and fixing me a drink. Then insisting on inspecting the scratches he’d inflicted on me very closely. “They don’t hurt,” I promised “I just have really sensitive skin. They’ll be gone by the morning.” 

“All the same, I feel bad,” he said keeping his word and kissing the length of each and every one of them as I giggled like a schoolgirl. 

We sat for a while wrapped around one and other filling out the room service breakfast menu and looking out across the bay at the twinkling lights in Oakland. Tomorrow, Jerry told me, we were going to Alcatraz so we really should be getting to bed as we had an early start. I wasn’t going to argue; I was knackered and happily went to brush my teeth and take off my makeup. 

I came back from the bathroom wearing the cream nightdress; it stayed on for all of about two minutes after I got into bed, so much for stressing about it! Needless to say we didn’t get to sleep for a long while after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Copyright for the following songs is owned by the artists 
> 
> How I Miss You - Foo Fighters  
> Love Me two time - The Doors  
> Wuthering Heights - Kate Bush  
> Nothing Else Matters - Metallica


	6. Chapter 6

I was awoken by the sound of knocking at the door. Jerry, who was already up and dressed, opened the door; it was our breakfast. 

“Why didn’t you wake me earlier?” I asked sitting up in bed and rubbing the sleep from eyes. “I thought you said we had an early start.” 

“I know, but you just looked so cute and peaceful, I couldn’t bring myself to,” he explained laying a kiss on my forehead and handing me a cup of coffee. 

I felt awful, I usually did when I slept in an air conditioned room, but I think the beer, tequila and wine mix I’d been drinking the night before was also clearly a factor. I sighed heavily as I stood up and pulled my nightdress back on. 

“Cute you say?” I asked Jerry as I lifted the various lids on the room service trolley. He nodded as he took a bite from a Danish pastry. “Then why do I feel like I’ve done ten rounds with a bag of angry badgers?” Jerry tried to laugh but began to choke so I handed him some orange juice and patted him on the back until it was over. Then I sat back on the bed and made to lie back down. 

“Oh no you don’t!” Jerry said grabbing my arm and pulling me back up to a sitting position. “C’mon eat and then have a shower, you’ll feel better afterwards.” 

I did as I was told and took a couple of aspirins before we left to catch our ferry to the island, wearing my Jackie O sunglasses against the brightness of the sky I almost felt human. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel once I was on a boat though. 

“You’ll be fine, it’s only a 10 minute ride.” Jerry reassured me as we walked up the ramp on to the boat. We found a seat in the open on the top deck and I complained about the smell from the Sea Lions. “For fucksake woman! Are you gonna bitch all day?” Jerry said pulling me down into a headlock, “’Cos if you are I’m just gonna throw you overboard now!” I squealed and thumped his leg hard so that he let go, then apologised for being grumpy. 

“It’s my own fault I know; I shouldn’t have had those tequilas. I’ll cheer up now I promise.” 

“Yeah well you’d better, I don’t wanna go back to L.A. the memory of you as a miserable whiner,” he laughed and pulled me up so I was sitting on his lap and began to tickle me. I resisted well and sat looking passively at him; disappointed that his ruse hadn’t worked, he just kissed me long and hard instead. That certainly did the trick and I was smiling broadly by the time we got off the boat at Alcatraz. 

We listened to the talk by the Ranger, bought our audio tours and made our way into the prison. It was fascinating; we saw the cells, the dining hall, the solitary block and listened to the stories of the many escape attempts, all the while taking pictures of each other being stupid with our phones; Jerry on the loo in a cell, me behind bars. We laughed a lot and my hangover was becoming a distant memory. When we finished our tour we went and bought some tat from the gift shop then sat outside to look at the view of the Bay Bridge as the sun danced on the water. 

Leaning my head against his shoulder I sighed deeply. “I can’t believe real life starts again tomorrow. I’ve had so much fun with you the last couple of days. Thank you for dinner last night and the hotel and today and well everything!” Jerry wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. 

“You know this ain’t the end of it don’tcha?” he said softly into my hair and kissed the top of my head. I sat up straight to look at him. 

“It’s a nice idea to think we could carry this on Jerry, but realistically when are we going to find time to even see each other?” Now Jerry sighed and reached for his cigarettes, I pinched one and we sat in silence for a few minutes. 

“What you doin’ on May 16th?” He asked. I shrugged; I didn’t even know what day of the week it was. 

“Come to Seattle. We’re playing a free show at The Moore, it’s not been announced yet, won’t be ‘til right before. Come and see us play and we can spend some time together afterwards.” 

I fished my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through the calendar. “That’s a Tuesday, I’ll be working.” 

“So get some time off, it’s not like Lars doesn’t owe you for Friday anyway. Or bring him with you. You can tell him I invited him and that you want to go too; sure he’ll be cool with that.” 

“No I don’t want him there!” I protested immediately, “We’ll have to sneak about and he won’t let me out of his sight. I’ll think of a story; I’ll say my cousin can get tickets or something. But do you really think we’ll be able to spend any time together? Everyone will want a piece of you, it’s a homecoming after all, you know how they go?” 

“Are you just looking for excuses?” Jerry asked moodily, stubbing his cigarette out with great fervour. 

“No. I’m just trying to be realistic. I’d love to come up to Seattle and see you. I can’t think of anything I’d like more,” I reached over and pulled his baseball cap down over his face, not wanting to let this conversation to get too serious. “I promise to do my best to get there ok?” He didn’t move or say anything, so I pushed his cap back up concerned that we were about to have an argument. As soon as I did he grabbed me and pulled me down so I was virtually lying across his lap and lowered his face really close to mine, to menacingly say 

“You’d better. Or I’ll tell Lars about us and he’ll make you!” I laughed and tried to sit back up but he held me there, “I won’t let you get away from me Elle,” I smirked up at him waiting for him to laugh and it felt like a whole minute passed until he did, for a moment, I’d actually thought he was serious!

“You’re a fucking weirdo Cantrell,” I commented as he finally loosened his grip on me. “I think that’s why I like you,” I laughed and jumped up pulling him onto his feet too. “Now let’s get off this island, my hangover wants food.” 

Once back in San Francisco we wandered along the waterfront and stopped for clam chowder and a beer to clear the final cobwebs from the night before, by which time it was getting late and I had to get some work done before tomorrow, which meant I had to get back home. 

“You gonna come back with me,” I asked swinging Jerry’s arm as we walked along the waterfront hand in hand to the hotel, “or stay in the five star luxury that you’re more accustomed to?” 

“Me?” Jerry laughed incredulously, “Listen honey, I know you’re used to the likes of Metallica’s millions, but five star luxury is not my usual style. I’m comin’ home with you sugar, that’s where the fun’s to be had right?” 

“Well I have an hour or so of work to do, but you can amuse yourself can’t you? Then we can have as much fun as you like. But...” I stopped dead, stood in front of him and put my hands on his chest in warning “...the last person to the next pier has to cook dinner!” I gave him a shove backwards and I was off as fast as my legs would carry me. 

Even with the head start I was surprised Jerry hadn’t whizzed past me and I jumped up and down in victory as I reached the finish point. He’d clearly let me win though. 

“You cheated!" Jerry shouted as he arrived right behind me. I pulled a sore loser face at him and laughed dodging his attempts to grab me. “You can think you’ve won for now Missy, but I’ll get ya back when you’re least expecting it,” he warned. 

~*~

Back home I beavered away in my spare room whilst Jerry watched sport downstairs. Thankfully I got everything out the way in record time and went down to join him, he was watching an English football match much to my delight. 

“Nice! Liverpool v Aston Villa. Good choice Jerry, Liverpool are my team. Wanna beer?” I asked opening up the fridge. “Who’s on top?” 

Jerry chuckled “If you mean what’s the score, then your guys are one nothing up. But if you’re asking about later, then I would definitely have to say you, at least once,” he looked pleased with himself as I flopped down next to him shaking my head. 

“Terrible, not even a smile here,” I pointed to my face, “Now quiet please, I’ve got nearly the whole second half that deserves my undivided attention.” 

After just a few minutes the other team scored, I was not happy and had a few choice words to say about the defending that had taken place. Then literally 2 minutes later, my boy Gerrard put us back in front. And five minutes after that he’d made it 3-2. Jerry was stunned into silence watching me watch my team. There are few things I am truly passionate about, but Liverpool FC is one of them and when the match ended I did a little victory dance to refrigerator and back to get more beers whilst Jerry laughed like a drain. 

“Are you laughing at me?” I demanded leaping on to his lap and pinning him back against the sofa. 

“I’ve never seen a woman so into a soccer game before, that’s all,” he countered. “It’s cool actually, most women hate sport.” 

“Firstly Jerry...” I reached back and picked up a cold beer from the table and took a swig “...it’s football! It’s our game, we invented it and named it before you lot had even picked up a rugby ball and totally bastardised that game. Secondly, it’s not a game, it’s a match and there is nothing more important than seeing my Scousers lift a trophy this year ok?” I was waving my finger and bottle quite pointedly in Jerry’s face as I ranted about the importance of English football and the passion that it instilled in its fans. When I stopped to take another swig of beer he finally managed to get a word in. 

“Are you done with the soccer lesson?” I widened my eyes in horror at his blatant defiance, but he spoke again before I had time to swallow. “Only you just spent the past 5 minutes turning me on and given half a chance, I thought I might screw you,” he added casually. 

I was taken aback, silent for the first time in an hour, but smiling at the thought that I had managed to turn him on by talking about football, and more than willing to let him do whatever he pleased. He unbuttoned my shirt and buried his faced between my breasts inhaling deeply as his hands roamed caressing my skin. 

“You feel hot, I think you might need coolin’ down some,” Jerry said with that glint in his eye that I was coming to know and love. He took the almost full bottle of beer from me, took a gulp then pressed it against my stomach causing me to gasp as the cold wet glass made contact with my apparently hot skin. 

“Take your shirt and bra off,” he instructed and I complied dropping them both onto the floor. Slowly he trailed the bottle up from my stomach between my breasts, the chill of it emanating far and wide throughout my body as I felt the hairs on my arms and neck rise in response. He deliberately inched the glass along the top of my left breast and a trickle of water ran down straight to my nipple. I gasped and arched my back as the icy feeling sent a wave of immeasurable pleasure straight down between my legs. 

Jerry, apparently encouraged by my reaction, leaned forward and took the wet tight nub into his mouth and sucked gently. I closed my eyes then and because I was paying so much attention to what his mouth was doing I didn’t realise that he’d moved the bottle from my skin until he slid it straight over my other nipple inducing an involuntary shudder and a loud moan from me. I didn’t want to take much more, so I took the beer from him and took a long slug, hoping he’d get the message and fuck my brains out. No such luck yet it seemed. He bit down lightly on my nipple, then released it to give me a chastising look, took the bottle from me and rolled it back across both breasts. Gasping again I rose up into more of a kneeling position as he began taking it south. I had to grip his shoulders to steady myself as my knees joined in with the uncontrollable quivering. With his free hand he pulled on the popper of my combat trousers and yanked open the zip revealing the top of my knickers, which he slowly trailed the bottle along. I was burning with anticipation by now, sure that any second now he was going to see how wet I was and not be able to hold back. Instead, he hooked one finger in my panties and pulled them away from my body, easing the bottle into the gap moving it slowly back and forth whilst inching it slightly lower each time. He looked up at me then and finally acknowledged my desire to have him inside me. 

“Not long now baby,” he whispered and with his eyes still on mine he pushed the bottle right down into my knickers parting my lips and slid it over my clit. That really was too much and I came almost immediately grabbing handfuls of his t-shirt as he continued rubbing the bottle against me. 

When it was over he brought the bottle to his lips, drained the rest of the beer then let it fall to the floor as he seemed to tug my panties down and sit me on the table simultaneously. I barely had a chance to catch my breath before he was on his knees in front of me pulling me down hard on to his waiting cock. At last he buried himself deep inside me time and again and despite the fact I’d just finished one orgasm another began to course through me as I felt the heat of his release. 

“That was fun,” I told him as we held on to each other in the afterglow. 

“Nowhere near enough though sugar,” he replied standing and pulling me up onto my feet and into a tight hug. “I’m taking you to bed now and I’m gonna make love to you all night. Then I’m gonna get up and go to the airport with your smell on me and not wash it off ‘til I get home.” 

I kissed him then, ecstatically happy that he didn’t want this to end either and he picked me up and carried me upstairs. 

“I suppose this is one way of getting out of the cooking,” I joked as we entered the bedroom to which Jerry threw me on the bed and pounced straight on top of me. 

~*~

Jerry’s flight was at 10.00 and I had to go into the office for a meeting mid-morning, so we were both up early and racing around trying to get organised. Jerry made coffee whilst I was in the shower, then we spent a long time stood in the kitchen just kissing and looking at each other until he had to leave. 

“It’s gonna be weird around here without you now,” I lamented as we walked to the front door. 

“I know, I’m gonna miss you babe. I’ll call you when I’m back in L.A. ‘k?” he brushed the hair out of my eyes and ran his hand down my face and around the back of my neck to pull me into our last kiss. I was already missing him. 

I stood on my porch and waved him off, not wanting to look like a crazy by watching him drive down the street until I could no longer see the car, even if that’s what I wanted to do. I picked up my car keys and went to work. 

I walked into HQ humming and smiling, clearly full of the joys of the spring. I passed one of my co-workers in the corridor “Hey Elle, There’s been a delivery for you this morning. I put it on your desk,” she said with a wry smile. 

I opened the door and there on my desk was a dozen white roses tied with a huge red satin ribbon. My jaw dropped and I nearly did the same with my latte. He’d sent me flowers! I put down my bag and coffee and picked up the card that was with the flowers. 

The card was white and had a single red heart on the front, when I opened it up the message read

_For My English Rose.  
Until Seattle...   
J xx_

My heart soared. He was serious! 

The rest of the day was pretty normal. I fobbed off everyone when they questioned me about the flowers. I’d texted to Jerry to say thank you, but he didn’t reply, so I guessed he’d switched his phone off before getting on the plane. Seeing as today was also supposed to be a day off, I left early and ran some errands on my way home, finally getting back around 4.00pm. 

Closing the front door behind me, I realised that something had changed. This had always been my space, my retreat from the outside world. I’d never shared it with anyone, but now it felt empty without Jerry. I leaned back against the door feeling a bit emotional, but shook my head as I refused to think about what could be happening. 

My phone sprang into life as I filled a vase for the roses. I reached into my bag and I held my breath hoping it was going to be Jerry, but it was Lars. ‘That’s ok,’ I thought, I can ask him for the time off to go to Seattle; he wouldn’t say no if he was relaxing on a beach sipping margarita. Luckily it was a quick call, he just wanted to know how the meeting had gone and was more than happy for me to take time off, he didn’t even ask what for, so no story required yet, that would give me time to concoct a good one. 

I hung up and noticed that I had 4 missed calls; my heart skipped a beat when I saw they were all from Jerry. Before I had a chance to call him back it rang again flashing JC as it did. I couldn’t be having his name in there, just in case. 

“Hey you,” I said into the receiver, “how was your flight?” 

“Elle! Where’ve you been? I’ve been trying to call you,” Jerry seemed a bit het up, which surprised me. 

“I’ve been driving with the stereo on loud, sorry I couldn’t’ve heard the phone. Is everything ok?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I just thought you were avoidin’ me that’s all.” 

“Seriously?” I laughed, “That doesn’t sound like the Jerry Cantrell I know. Thank you for the beautiful flowers, I’m just putting them into water.” 

“Yeah I saw your message, haven’t really worked out that function yet, so I didn’t reply. Glad you liked ‘em.” “Well I think you’d better get someone to show you how to text Jerry, it will come in very useful when we’re in different time zones and I need to tell you that I’m horny.” 

“Yeah I guess I should work this thing out. Fuck, I miss you already. What are you wearin’?” 

I laughed “The same thing I was when you left this morning. I just got in.” 

“Take your clothes off and tell me about your underwear then.” 

“Where are you? Somewhere that you can’t be interrupted I hope.” 

“Ah yeah, now that you mention it I’m outside the rehearsal room for a smoke.” He chuckled “I just wanna touch you so much right now. I’m getting a hard-on just thinkin’ about it.”

I knew what he meant; I’d felt the rush of desire in my knickers the second he mentioned touching me. But I guessed now wasn’t the time to be pursuing this line of conversation. 

“Hey I have some good news. I just spoke with Lars and he gave me time off to come to Seattle on the 16th.” 

“That’s great! What‘dya tell him?” 

“Nothing he didn’t even ask. I’ll think of something nearer the time. I would love to see my cousin whilst I’m there though, can I bring her and her husband to the show too? He’ll kill me if I go without him!” 

“’Course you can sugar. Am I allowed to meet them?” Jerry teased. 

“If you promise to behave...” “Baby, I gotta go,” Jerry cut in. “Sorry. Shall I call you later?” 

“No don’t worry, you should concentrate on rehearsing, I don’t want to see a train wreck in a couple of weeks!” 

“Miaow! I’ll talk to ya soon. Miss you.”  
“Bitch! I’ll talk to ya soon. Miss you.” 

“Yeah I miss you too.” 

Then he was gone. 

I called my cousin Kat next in Seattle to let her know I would be visiting and asked if she wanted to come along to the gig, which she did. I’d decided not to tell her about Jerry until I saw her, but the fact that I refused the offer of her spare room aroused her suspicion and I promised I’d fill her in as soon as we met. Jeez, why could I never keep a damn secret? I wondered then if Jerry had told anyone in L.A. and decided to text him to remind him not to. The reply I got made me smile, it simply read ‘K’.


	7. Chapter 7

The next two weeks dragged by despite the fact we were gearing up for a tour and I was in panic mode over various arrangements. Lars had bought my cock and bull story about my cousin getting the tickets for the gig, he was pretty distracted with rehearsals himself to worry too much about what I was up to. Jerry and I spoke every day even if it was just for a few minutes, his texting skills were coming on well, and he was getting more creative with the messages he was sending me. Nothing was a substitute for the real thing though. 

I’d booked myself a room at The Edgewater in Seattle. A bit expensive, but it was the most beautiful place to stay & looking out over the Puget Sound at sunset whilst dangling my legs out the window and sipping a cocktail was my all-time favourite thing to do when I was there. 

My flight was delayed and I didn’t check in to the hotel until gone 5.00pm on the day of the gig. Jerry was pissed off that he wouldn’t get to see me before the show as I was meeting Kat & Jack for an early dinner and drinks and we’d had our first row on the telephone as I sat in the back of a taxi from the airport. 

“I haven’t seen you for two fucking weeks Elle, can’t we just have an hour before you meet her?” 

I wasn’t going to budge on this, there was no way I’d let him think that I was at his beck and call. “No Jerry, I haven’t seen her since Christmas, she’s my cousin, I’m not blowing her out for you.” 

“What? ‘Blowing her out’? What the fuck are you talkin’ ‘bout, can’t you just speak in English!” 

“Jerry I’m not talking to you if you’re gonna behave like a child. I’m meeting my cousin at the hotel and that is that.” 

He hung up on me. I really wanted to call him back, tell him to fuck off and then hang up, but that would’ve been just as childish. So I took a deep breath and counted to 10. My phone rang almost immediately. 

“Sorry,” he said straight away. “I’m being a dick. Guess I’m nervous ‘bout tonight.” 

“Jerry, it’s going to be great tonight, you will be fine. You could come out and play nursery rhymes and the place would still go crazy for you guys. You’re home, they adore you. Don’t worry!” 

“Yeah I guess, but wow the pressure to be good here of all places is really fuckin’ on!” 

“I know babe, but you know that as soon as you step out there, it will all change and you’ll be lovin’ it!” finally he laughed and agreed with me. “So will you call me later or what?” I asked not wanting to mention going backstage, when he was clearly a bit volatile at the moment. 

“You definitely not coming back to see me afterwards then? You can bring your cousins y’know...” he didn’t sound pissed off, just disappointed. 

“Sorry Jer, we had deal though eh? It won’t stay a secret very long if I’m there ‘cos I won’t be able to keep my hands off you!” he sighed deeply and promised to get away as quickly as he could. I wished him luck and said goodbye as my cab pulled up outside the hotel. 

I had just enough time to freshen up and get changed before Kat arrived, we decided to have dinner in the hotel and I got to watch my sunset over The Sound drinking a Long Island Iced Tea, while we waited for her husband Jack to arrive. I had a good feeling about tonight despite the argument I’d had with Jerry and as always I was over the moon to be in Seattle.

Over dinner I filled them both in on the Jerry situation. Jack was quietly impressed, he’d always been and Alice fan, but he was gutted when I told him that we wouldn’t be going backstage. 

We were quite loose by the time we walked up to The Moore and it had gotten so late that we’d totally missed the support act. I was really nervous as we walked in, wondering how Jerry was I decided to send him a text. 

_‘Have fun baby, can’t wait to see you xx’._

I didn’t expect a reply, but almost immediately my phone buzzed with a new message. 

_‘I’m gonna blow u away 2nite in so many ways. Get ready! J xxx’._

We got our beers and made our way to the floor just in time for the lights to go down (none of that VIP area for me, the best time was always had in the pit as far as I was concerned!). The riff to ‘Godsmack’ started up and the audience went insane and stayed that way for the entire show. 

God what a rush it was to see these guys play at last, I’d never managed it back in the nineties, and despite the concerns that so many people had voiced about doing a tour without Layne, there was no trace of disappointment that I could see and William DuVall certainly proved his worth during the sixteen song set. They brought out a few of their Seattle friends on a few songs, which just made the night all the more special, most notable for me Duff McKagan and Kim Thayil. 

I was so totally floored by their performance that I often found that I was just stood still with my jaw wide open watching them slay the audience, happy in the knowledge that this was only the first time I was going to see these guys do it this year. 

It was all over far too fast for my liking and as the band left the stage after throwing picks and sticks into the ravenous crowd I felt an overwhelming urge to hug everybody. But I kept it just to Kat and Jack and we gradually made our way outside with the rest of the throng. 

“Nightcap at the hotel guys, or somewhere a little more salubrious?” I asked high as a kite and so wanting to party. 

“What about Jerry?” Kat asked looking puzzled, “Don’t you have to call him or something?” 

“C’mon Kat, do you really think he’s going to be thinking about me after that?” I almost guffawed at her. “I’ll text him, but I doubt if I’ll be seeing him for a while yet,” I pulled my phone out and sent off a message 

_‘You blew me away! Totally amazing show baby. Call me when you can xx’._

“I still think we should probably just go back to the hotel Elle, you wouldn’t wanna miss him.” Kat reasoned. “Besides, I love their cocktails!” she said linking her arm through mine and steering me in the right direction. 

My phone vibrated in my pocket as we settled in with our drinks and I was honestly surprised to see a message from Jerry so soon; 

_I'm not done yet, where r u? I’m comin 2 get u real soon x’._

__

__

“Oh, maybe you guys will get to meet him tonight,” I said replying that we would be in the bar at The Edgewater. This seemed to make Kat and Jack a bit nervous, which made me laugh. “Christ what would you be like if I took you into work to meet Lars & James?” 

“Be fair Elle, Metallica’s a bit different. I’d probably bow in James’ presence!” Jack quipped. 

We were on our third cocktails and Kat was in the middle of a funny story about one of her coworkers when she suddenly stopped mid-sentence and nodded towards the entrance of the bar. I turned around to see Jerry striding towards us with the biggest smile on his face I’d ever seen. I stood up to greet him and he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me up hugging me tightly. 

“I’ve missed you so much!” he murmured into my ear and kissed me quickly on the lips. Putting me back on my feet, he turned his attention to the table. 

“Hey, you must be Kat and Jack,” he said extending his hand to Jack and bending over to kiss Kat on the cheek. “Nice to meet you, Elle’s told me so much about you both.” 

“Great show man, thanks for the tickets. Definitely a night I’ll remember for along time. Can I get you a beer?” Jack said amiably. 

“That’d be great, thanks,” Jerry replied sitting down next to me and taking my hand in his and squeezing it tightly. God I was feeling smug, I could see the look of disbelief on Kat’s face as he did this, which she tried to cover up when she caught me looking at her. I didn’t care, so I gave her wink to let her know. 

We rained praise down on Jerry for a good twenty minutes talking about the show and he lapped it up obviously still riding high after the performance. The conversation turned back to family stuff during which Jerry & Jack discovered they’d both grown up in Tacoma and got heavily into a conversation about their old stomping grounds, so Kat and I slipped out for a cigarette. 

“He looks like the real deal to me honey,” she said the minute we were outside. “It was obvious how pleased he was to see you. He seems really nice too,” I grinned broadly back at her. 

“I know, but it seems too good to be true Kat!” I said being serious for a moment. 

“Oh stop looking for the cloud in every silver lining girl! Enjoy it whilst it lasts. If it fucks up then so be it. You are the happiest I’ve seen you in a long time, don’t spoil it by being so pessimistic all the time.” 

I pouted like a spoilt child at her, but I knew she was talking sense. “I guess. I’m glad I’ve got you to kick me in the arse when I need it cuz.” 

“Now, when we go back in, I’ll break up the Tacoma boys club and get Jack outta here so you two can get some quality time together ok?” 

“You’re the best you know that!” I said giving her a hug. 

~*~

I was surprised at how difficult it was to shut the two of them up, they clearly had a lot in common and also a similar sense of humour. I could see the four of us sitting there all night getting drunker and drunker and louder and louder. But thankfully Kat was true to her word and she literally hauled Jack out of his seat after 15 minutes and we said our goodbyes in the lobby, with much back slapping and handshaking going on between Jerry & Jack until I pulled Jerry into the lift and waved them off as the door closed. 

“I thought I’d never get you alone!” I breathed pulling Jerry to me by his belt loops and kissing him slowly. He drew me closer to him and returned my kiss hungrily. It didn’t last long, we reached our floor in a matter of seconds and I almost dragged him towards my room. 

At the door I opened my bag to find the key card as Jerry ground himself against me from behind and kissed my neck. After a minute I was still rummaging frantically, whilst Jerry’s hands had crept up under my bra. Between them and his mouth I was losing my concentration. 

“What’s taking so long?” Jerry demanded, pausing his heavenly assault on my earlobe. 

“I can’t find the fucking key!” I exclaimed completely exasperated, thinking I was going to have to break this up and go to reception to get another. 

“But, it’s right here,” he broke contact with my butt and slipped his hand into the back pocket of my jeans and waved it in front of me. I snatched it from him and slid it hastily into the reader eager to get him inside of the room and me. 

Closing the door behind us I managed to kick off my trainers as Jerry held me against the wall and continued to rain kisses upon my neck, moving upwards along my jaw to my mouth. I undid his shirt, peeled it off his shoulders & cast it to one side. Running my nails up his back and into his hair I pulled his lips away from mine. He looked a little bewildered. 

“You know, I was enjoying it rather a lot when you were behind me just now…” I prompted smiling seductively. 

“You did huh?” Jerry said cottoning on, I released the handfuls of his hair and ran my fingers through it to smooth it back down. Instantly Jerry spun me round and pushed me against the wall. I felt his breath hot against my ear as he slid his hands around my waist and unbuttoned my jeans in one swift movement. Dipping one hand inside my knickers he slid a couple of fingers into the wetness between my legs, I gasped, the other hand held me tight against his colossal hard-on. “How about now, you like that?” Jerry growled into my ear. I nodded, unable to form any coherent words, I was under his spell right then. I could feel his breathing getting heavier now as he brought his mouth to my neck, flicking his tongue against it & causing me to shiver. 

Suddenly he pulled me back from the wall and marched me into the dimly lit bathroom where we stopped in front of the sink looking at each other in the mirror. 

“Take your top off,” He ordered. I did as I was told and saw his reflection watching my heaving breasts lustily. “Now your bra,” as I let it drop he lowered his head again and sunk his teeth into my neck sucking hard, the pain was exquisite and I leaned back into him moaning loudly. Both his hands grabbed at my tits and his fingers dug in bringing me more pain tinged with pleasure. We never took our eyes from our reflections, this seemingly adding fuel to our passion. Jerry brought his lips up to my ear once again and sucked hard on its lobe before growling into it. “I’m gonna fuck you now up against this sink and you’re gonna watch me watching you while I do,” his words alone sent a contraction of an imagined orgasm where his fingers had just been. Then he pushed me forward so that I was leaning right over the sink supporting myself with my forearms along the cold porcelain. 

Jerry slid my jeans down my legs and I heard him unbuckle his belt and unzipper his jeans. We shared a look of complete wanton desire before he placed his hands on my hips and drove his cock into me so hard I had to grip the sides of the sink so as not smash my head against the mirror. Jerry moved his hands back up to my tits and kneaded them roughly as he drove himself into me hard and fast. With the mixture of the two week break we’d had from each other, the pain, the pleasure and show we were putting on for ourselves we climaxed quickly, both of us shouting loudly. Afterwards Jerry all but collapsed on top of me his cock still twitching inside me making my pussy contract again and again until I had another orgasm. Jerry straightened up and watched as I writhed against him, a smile dancing across his face as he reached around and rubbed my clit making me squirm all the more. When I was finally done he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek. I smiled at him and he withdrew from me giving me yet another quick thrill. 

I turned around to face him at last and wound my arms around his neck. 

“Do you know what?” I asked as I rubbed my nose against his affectionately. I felt him tense and wondered if he thought I was about to use the ‘L’ word, which made my smile even wider. 

“What?” he ventured tentatively. 

“I think that was the best fuck I’ve ever had!” he relaxed immediately and laughed. “I’m really looking forward to Europe if that’s what performing does to you!” 

We spent the rest of the night wound around each other in bed planning our escapes from the merry-go-round of the forthcoming festivals between shags. It seemed that our paths weren’t going to cross quite as much as we’d originally thought, but Alice were going to be playing their last show of the tour in London on my Dad’s birthday, which I was planning on being in town for. We decided to spend a couple of days there afterwards. 

There wasn’t really much time for us to be together the next day; Jerry had to go back to L.A. for the next show. But seeing as the sun was shining brightly on the Emerald City we took a walk along the waterfront and climbed up the hill into Pike Place Market to watch the fish guys doing their show for the tourists and wander around the craft stalls for a while. We got coffee and croissants from Starbucks and sat in the park looking out over The Sound feeding each other bits of pastry until it got to the point where he couldn’t be any later. 

The past eighteen hours in Seattle had been perfect and I really didn’t want to let him go. I held on to him tight as he kissed me goodbye for the eighth or ninth time and made him promise to send me a filthy text later on. This time I did watch him go and to my delight he turned back every few yards to smile at me, finally blowing me a kiss before he disappeared around the corner. I sighed turning to make my way back into the market and do bit of shopping. At least it was only going to be another couple of weeks until I could get my next fix.


	8. Chapter 8

Over the next few weeks I didn’t have a lot of time to miss Jerry, work was manic and I was going home to sleep and shower only. My sex life was being carried out over text message and voicemail, which was pretty disjointed and nowhere near as satisfying as the real thing. But we were working to different timetables and then in different time zones; there never seemed to be enough time for anything more than quick ‘hi, goodbye’. At HQ everyone’s stress levels were high, but there was a real buzz of excitement too and it was hard not to get caught up in it as we finalised the arrangements for Europe. 

I arrived in Germany on Wednesday with the road crew so that we could iron out any problems before the band arrived for their first show of the summer. I loved the crew guys; whilst they looked after me like a gang of older brothers, they didn’t give a shit about the fact that there was a woman around and behaved in exactly the same way that they would’ve had I not been there. Sometimes it was pretty shocking, even to a girl who’d spent two years working on a building site. The things some of them got groupies to do for and to them were pretty eye opening experiences and it amazed me the lengths that some girls will go to just to be in with a chance to fuck a band member. I tried not to think about what Jerry was getting up to with so much hot young ass throwing itself at him, but I wasn’t so stupid to think that he was saving himself for me. 

Right then Jerry was on his way from Spain having just played one of the wildest shows of his career to rampant Alice fans in Bilbao. We spoke on the phone and he couldn’t get over the fact that the audience wouldn’t leave until they did a second encore. We were both absolutely gagging to see each other, it wasn’t even impossible to have a decent conversation whilst he was on the bus, but I was getting used to that. 

Metallica sound checked for an hour on the Thursday evening dressed in sweatshirts, coats and hats to a few crew and the campsite, which was a strange sight to behold, but an absolute joy for all those who were lucky enough to catch it. After we were done at the site, I raced back to the hotel keen to get my hands on Mr. Cantrell before Mr. Ulrich could get me running around after him. I called Jerry as I parked the hire car and told him to meet me in my room, I’d left a key for him at reception. 

“I’m here waitin’ for ya sugar. So hurry up!” He told me.

I didn’t need any encouragement and sped up my walk through the lobby and repeatedly punched the button to call the lift until its doors opened. As the lift took me upwards and closer to the man who’d been driving me crazy with the promise of things he was going to do to me tonight, I ran a comb through my hair and touched up my lippy in the mirrored wall. I wasn’t dressed half as sexily as I’d have liked to be, but I would’ve looked a bit daft in stilettos when everyone else was dressed for warmth. I had gone out and bought some extremely sexy Victoria’s Secret underwear especially though. New boyfriends, if I could even call Jerry that, could be expensive! 

I stepped out of the lift and realised I was nervous so I took a few deep breaths and slowed my pace, I didn’t want to arrive breathless and flustered. 

I pushed open the door to my room and saw Jerry’s feet swing down off the bed, before the door had even closed, he’d literally swept me off my feet and was spinning me around. “You are real!” he exclaimed as I giggled at his affectionate greeting. “I was beginning to think I’d imagined you…” he lowered me to the floor carefully and kissed me deeply, his hands cradling my face as he did. I could’ve died happy right at that moment, all he had to do was kiss me and I was already floating up somewhere by the ceiling. 

He pulled back and smiled at me “It’s so fuckin’ good to see you Elle. I didn’t realise how much I missed you ‘til now,” then kissed me again, sliding his hands from my face down my arms and took both my hands into his. “I got us some champagne, you want some?” 

“Sure, let me take my boots off first though, my feet are killing me, oh and I’m gonna be a real daredevil and switch my phone off too,” I laughed. “Lars won’t call the room unless it’s really urgent, he’ll think I’m jetlagged.” 

Jerry handed me a glass, raising his and said, “To absence makin’ the heart grow fonder,” I smiled, but my heart had just literally somersaulted in my chest; that was a bit full on, did he really mean it?

My turn: “To European festivals and getting hot and sweaty,” I said with a seductive smile. We sipped our champagne and I was kind of surprised that he didn’t seem interested in getting into my knickers the way I’d expected. I sat down on the end of the bed and idly flicked through the channels on the TV, which was a bit pointless seeing as I didn’t speak any German. 

I felt rejected. 

Jerry was still standing, but came close to me and swept a lock of hair behind my ear that I had strategically placed over my face so that he wouldn’t see me brooding, I was getting pretty mixed messages and wondered if he’d fucked so many groupies in the past couple of weeks that the thought of me was now just plain boring. 

“How was it today up at the site?” he asked, “James called earlier and said he was gonna come down tomorrow and hang out, we thought it might be cool if he came up and sang a number with us.” 

I tried to push my feelings down inside and smiled up at him. “That, would rock. Which song?” 

Jerry laughed, “Would? actually.” 

“Cool,” I took a big gulp of champagne and decided to refill my glass standing up to get the bottle. I sidestepped Jerry clearly not doing a very good job at hiding how dejected I felt. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked grabbing my arm. 

“Nothing, I’m fine.” I replied breezily extracting myself from his hold and continuing on my way. 

“Oh fuck this shit!” Jerry said letting out a deep sigh. 

I ignored him and poured champagne into my glass. About to turn and ask him if wanted a top up I realised he was right behind me. “Look Elle, I know you expected me to rip your clothes off the minute you walked through the door and to be honest so did I. But when I saw you I kinda thought it would be nice if I didn’t for a change y’know?” 

“No Jerry, I don’t know,” I turned to face him. “You’ve been telling me for weeks what you want to do to me when you finally get your hands on me and now that you can, it seems you’d rather have a chat. I’m kind of getting mixed messages here and it’s a bit confusing,” I tried not to sound angry as I voiced my opinions; preferring not to start a fight. 

“Yeah I know, I just thought you might appreciate it if you knew that this ain’t just about the fucking. As great as the fucking is, I do actually want to be with you without having my dick in you the whole time. But I guess I got it wrong,” he shrugged. 

Immediately I felt bad. I was behaving like a spoilt little girl who wasn’t getting her own way to my horror. I put a reassuring hand on his arm. 

“No, you didn’t get it wrong,” I said softly squeezing his elbow “I do appreciate the sentiment, it’s me who’s getting it wrong. I’m sorry,” I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed him lightly on the lips. “Do you want to watch some German TV and tell me what you’ve been doing for the last two weeks? I’ll happily bore you to death with tales of tantrums and tears and that’s just me on the plane when they didn’t upgrade me to first class! Oh and the puking, my God I was so ill on the plane,” I grinned up at him. 

He actually cracked a smile then “Actually now you’ve put it like that, I think I’d rather put my dick in you after all!” 

We both laughed then as he wound his arms around my waist and I stretched up again and into a breath-taking kiss. 

We stood for an age, my arms around his neck, his hands travelling up and down my back, apparently turning kissing into an Olympic sport. When we finally pulled apart Jerry whispered “I’d forgotten how good you smell,” his fingers going straight to the zip of my hoodie to pull down on it slowly, revealing the larger than usual peaks of my breasts in the pink satin and lace of my balconette bra. I watched Jerry’s face as a smile crept across it. “New underwear?” he asked. 

I nodded, “Just for you.” 

“Well I guess I’d better make the most of it then.” He said removing my hoodie completely and lowered his head to kiss each breast in turn. I was glad now that he hadn’t jumped me straight away as his warm hands ran down my body with the lightest of touches to unbutton my combats and push them to the floor. I stepped out of them and Jerry stood back to get the full view of my sexy new lingerie and let out a whistle. “If I’d known you were wearin’ that darlin’ I woulda ripped your clothes off straight away!” 

We both laughed. 

I walked over to him and pulled his t-shirt up and over his head making a real mess of his hair. I reached my hands up to smooth it all back, but Jerry caught them both and shook his own hair back into place. He softly kissed each finger and each palm then one wrist and then the other, whilst peering deep into my eyes. ‘God you’re good at that’ I thought as I drowned myself in the intensity of stare. He smiled at me as if he was acknowledging my very thought and swept me up into his arms and laid me on the bed. 

“Wanna know something else I’m good at?” he asked straddling my hips and gently slid the straps of my bra from my shoulders. I pulled my arms through them, my eyes widening in surprise, was it that obvious what I’d been thinking? 

“How do you know what I was thinking?” I asked in utter disbelief. 

“Thinkin’? You said it out loud!” Jerry laughed. I reddened instantly; it seemed I really didn’t have any control over myself when he peered into my soul like that. Oh well I didn’t have anything to hide… well except perhaps the fact that I thought I was falling in love him. Now that was one thing I was determined to keep to myself. 

“So go on tell me, what else are you good at?” I asked huskily to disguise my embarrassment. Jerry looked at me, silent for a few seconds then leaned right over me his hair brushing over my torso as brought his mouth next to my ear. 

“Makin’ you come,” he drawled. Yes, he was very good at that! I felt that familiar pulse of energy shoot from his mouth to deep within me “I’m gonna make you come so hard and so long, you’re going to forget where you are.” 

Just the promise of it made me wet and my breath short. 

He didn’t move a muscle as my heart started pounding, his breath making me tingle with anticipation. He knew exactly what he was doing and I had no doubt that he meant what he said. “D’ya want me to make you come?” he whispered again. 

“Oh God yes!” 

I felt him smile, then he tilted my head away from his and licked my neck slowly and deliberately from the knape right up to my ear, where he stopped and breathed against it again, “How hard?” he demanded. 

“Really hard!” I replied almost gasping. 

He ran his tongue then around the outside of my ear and sucked on its lobe. Pausing once more to talk into my ear “How long?” “All fucking night.” I commanded him. He laughed softly and ran a hand down my face, along my jaw and turned my face back up, his lips close to mine. “Shall I start now?” He murmured. 

“I thought you already…” But he didn’t let me finish, my final word lost against his mouth as his tongue pushed inside seeking out mine to dance with. 

I felt him reach for his belt whilst we kissed and heard the unmistakable sound of leather being pulled through belt loops. He pulled away from me and looped it through the iron railings at the top of the bed. Taking both my hands he wrapped the belt around my wrists a couple times before securing them against the cold iron, I didn’t know how. 

Again he leaned over me and drew his face to mine so we were almost touching and spoke very softly, “How does it feel to be at my mercy?”   
“I trust you,” I whispered in reply. I didn’t think for a second that he would hurt me, I’m sure I would’ve sensed it if he had any other agenda than making me come. 

“Good,” he went straight back to my neck knowing how it drove me wild and licked and nipped and kissed every inch of it sensuously as I lay beneath him, my eyes closed slipping further under his spell. His fingers danced lightly across my skin and as I arched my back in a wave of ecstasy, he reached down and unhooked my bra spilling my breasts out for him to turn his attention to. Drawing one tight pink nub between his lips, he ran the palm of his hand over the other lightly, this twin assault brought forth a moan from my lips followed by a few choice swear words as I felt the flow of my juices dampening my knickers. I had no idea how he could do this to my body so readily and I honestly thought that I might come before he even got past my navel! 

There was no let up from his mouth as he licked his way downwards across my stomach I was beginning to writhe under him now wanting him so badly I nearly screamed it. When finally he reached the satin of my panties, he ran a hand straight over the top of them and between my legs. I swore and he looked up at me grinning. 

“You’re real wet ain’tcha?” I couldn’t speak, I just glared at him to let him know I was done with the foreplay, but typically he ignored me. He carried on rubbing me through the satin, and parted my folds to rub my clit with the silky material. That was it, he’d taken me too far then and I came instantly swearing all the while. 

Thinking he’d untie me then, I was more than a little surprised when I felt him pulling my knickers down my legs before the tremors of my orgasm had even finished. I tried to sit up, but didn’t get very far seeing as I was tied to the bed. Jerry ran his hands back up my legs to my knees and pushed them far apart. He crept back up the bed and lowered his head to my still soaking pussy and ran his tongue slowly along the whole length of my lips parting them as he went. The words that tumbled from my mouth then would’ve made a sailor blush. His mouth settled on my clit and began to suck softly, while he eased two fingers in and out of me slowly. I couldn’t keep still now and was thrashing against the restraint around my wrists uncontrollably, still swearing like a trooper. He picked up the pace with both his mouth and fingers and I felt it start from somewhere deep within me. 

It built slowly at first and I tried hard to still, but my whole body began to tense and I had to gasp for air. When it hit me it was so intense it was like being thrown into the deep end of a swimming pool. The noise in my ears was like water rushing past them, everything went dark and it was as if I was floating face down in warm pool of inky blackness. 

Never before had I felt anything like it! The next thing I was aware of was Jerry saying my name over and over into my ear. I opened my eyes and turned to look up at him, my hands had been untied and I was in his arms. 

“Fuck Elle are you ok?” Jerry looked worried as he hugged me closer. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Aren’t I?” I began wondering what the hell had happened and how I’d got where I was. 

“You fucking blacked out!” Jerry was frantic now, “I thought you were messin’ with me to start with, you scared the fucking shit outta me!” 

“Did I? Shit,” I said a smile starting to spread across my face. Fucking hell, he was that good! 

“It’s not funny Elle, what if you hadn’t woken up? Here drink some water,” I sat up and took the glass from him; yes I did feel a bit light-headed. 

“Ooh, I’d like to have seen you trying to explain that one to Lars. ‘Yeah sorry mate I made your assistant come so hard I knocked her out,’” I laughed. Finally Jerry saw the funny side of it and joined in with my laughter. 

“But you’re ok yeah?” He asked again. I nodded but noticed a burning sensation around my wrists and looked down to see that they were both bright red and bleeding a little. I held them up for Jerry to see. “Fuck I always end up hurting you don’t I?” He said guiltily. 

“Aww, don’t worry about it, I’m just a delicate little flower, it’s not your fault,” I said raining kisses down upon his cheeks. 

“Looks like I owe you again huh?” Jerry said getting off the bed and walking into the bathroom. 

“No way, are you kidding me? You did exactly what you said you were going to. I have never come that hard before; it was amazing; apart from the fainting bit obviously. That was just weird!” 

Jerry came back in with a wet facecloth and my robe and draped it around my shoulders. “Here hold this against your wrist,” he said delicately placing the cloth against my bright red skin, “it might soothe the pain a little. Can I get you anything else?” 

“You wanna be my bitch for the evening?” I laughed trying not wince as I moved the cloth over to the other wrist. “You can get me some tylenol from the dressing table. Thanks baby.” 

I knocked back the pills and settled back against the pillows wrapping my robe around me properly and patted the space next to me. We lay side by side and caught up properly, Jerry telling me his stories from the last two weeks and the buzz he was feeling from being back with his band was so obvious it was infectious. I was really happy for him. 

I crept under the covers after an hour or so as we got engrossed in a wildlife programme that was actually in English, my wrists no longer hurting thankfully. I could feel myself gradually dropping off; although I tried to fight it, I knew I’d be asleep in no time. 

I had no idea what the time was when I was gently roused from my sleep, but the room was dark and I was lying on my side. It’s not often I awake with a smile, but the sensations I was feeling left me with little choice, not that I was complaining. 

Jerry was laying behind me and I could tell he was naked by the huge erection that was pressing against back through my robe giving it a divine silky slippery feel as he moved against me. I could feel one hand smoothing my hair back from my face whilst the other slid idly in and out of my own silky wetness. I turned my head slightly to speak and let him know I was awake, but he already knew and kissed my neck telling me to hush. 

I lay there between sleep and wakefulness as he played my body as only he ever had. It was sublime. I let out a low moan and Jerry took this as a signal that I was ready for him. Raising the back of my robe up so that I felt his cock against my skin for a moment he guided himself into me slowly, pulling me back onto him as he did. Jerry began groaning low and long too now, matching my moans as we lazily screwed. It seemed to go on forever and with each and every stroke I woke up to the realisation that I’d never be able to give him up; I was in love with him. 

~*~

I threw poor Jerry out of my room early the next morning in the hope that no one would see him leave, issuing him with strict instructions not to get too close during the day. I was determined that no one would interfere in this and scupper any chance we might have of getting this relationship off the ground. 

It turned out to be quite easy to avoid each other, there was so much going on backstage with the press, record company people and competition winners all claiming their pound of flesh from the bands playing. I did make sure that I was stage side for Alice’s set; I wasn’t going to miss a single note for anyone! At least no one would find that odd. 

Their set was in the late afternoon, but they still went down a storm and the crowd surfer dressed in the pink bunny outfit had everyone in stitches. James went out and sang ‘Would?’ with Jerry sending the crowd wild and William once again proved that he was the perfect choice to be fronting the twenty first century Alice in Chains. As Jerry came off stage we shared a brief look and he slyly winked at me before walking on by as if we’d never met. Besides that, the only time we came anywhere near each other was when I stuck my head around the door of James’ dressing room and found the whole band in there with him. I couldn’t help but grin when I saw Jerry chatting away with James and they both stopped and looked at me. 

“Anyone seen Lars?” I chirped. ‘No’ was the general consensus, so I went on my way trying to disguise my smirk. 

The rest of the day we spent texting each other, I was going to have an enormous phone bill by the end of this tour! 

After Nürburgring, we’d have to wait until Donington before we could see each other again, but that night in Germany had just whet my appetite for him. 

It was four whole days later before we found the time to actually have more than a couple of minutes on the phone together. I was still in Germany; Berlin and Jerry was in the Czech Republic. I’d claimed tiredness and gone for an early night hoping that I’d be able to catch Jerry on some downtime too. My luck was in. 

“Hey baby I’ve escaped, can you talk?” I couldn’t keep the longing out of my voice. 

“Yeah, for once. Where are you?” 

“In my room, are you alone?” 

“Yep, what are you wearin’?” 

“Just a robe and knickers. You?” 

“Just combats. Tell me about your panties, what colour are they? 

“They’re red and they’re lacy, you can see straight through them,” I purred. 

“Uh huh and what about your tits, are your nipples hard?” 

“They are now, I’m rubbing one. Is your dick getting hard?” 

“Oh yeah. If you were here I’d be kissin’ your neck and pullin’ hard on that nipple to make you moan.” 

“Mmmm, I’d be unzipping your jeans and taking out your cock so I can stroke it and make it nice and hard. Do it, take it out for me,” I heard the sound of his zip. “Now close your eyes and imagine that I’ve got both my hands around it pumping it nice and slow,” his breaths started getting heavier. “Is that nice baby?” 

“Fuck yeah. I want you to think about me kissing you all the way down from your neck and sucking on one of those hard pink nipples,” I closed my eyes too now getting into the flow of things. “Is your pussy wet yet? I bet it is. Put your hand between your legs can you feel it through your panties?” I did as I was told, he was right. “Now put your hand inside, run a finger down and push it inside yourself,” I moaned as I followed his instructions, feeling myself getting wetter. “You wanna taste yourself? Go on take your finger and run it along your lips, then lick ‘em and tell me what it tastes like.” 

“Sweet,” I breathed. 

“Fuck Elle, I know how sweet taste and it’s just makin’ me harder! I want you to imagine that I’m running my hands down your body now. I’m pulling your panties off and spreadin’ your legs wide before I slide 2 fingers in and outta your wet hole. Then I’m gonna take my thumb and rub your clit whilst I finger fuck you.” 

“Mmmmmm, Jerry that feels so good. Your turn; I’m leaning over you now and licking the length of your shaft from the bottom to the top really slowly making sure that every inch of it is wet as I blow lightly on it making you gasp. Now I’m taking your hard shaft into my warm mouth, closing my lips around it and sucking. Slowly first and then harder and longer as I run my nails under your balls and squeeze them softly. I’ve got all of you in my mouth now and your fucking it just how you like.” 

“Oh Fuck! I’m pushin’ you back on the bed now so I can fill your pussy slowly inch by inch with my rock hard cock and pump it in and out of you.” 

“Oh… oh... Jerry!” I panted “Are you fucking me hard?” 

“Real hard and your screaming my name and… Oh Elle, Elle, Elle’’ 

Hearing him coming on the other end of the phone brought me to my own climax “Oh fuck Jerry!” I moaned. 

We didn’t speak for a moment just listening to the sound of each other’s deep breaths. 

“I wish you were here Elle. So I could hold you now.” 

“Yeah me too baby. I miss you. Only a couple of days now.”


	9. Chapter 9

Donington was the big one for Metallica and for me; we’d all been looking forward to it for months. No more so than Lars who had missed Metallica’s last scheduled performance due to illness. 

My friends from home were there; we’d gone together every year and camped alongside the other metal heads, so it was kind of weird staying in a hotel with my own shower and a comfy bed. 

I’d arrived on the Friday, so was able to hang out with them & catch a few of the bands in the evening. It was great to be back and I fell into my old patterns easily as we sat around drinking pints of cider. The boys teased me about not having a man in my life and decided that I must be having an affair with someone famous because when I lived in London, I was never without a man on the horizon, apparently. I laughed and played along, coyly suggesting that I might be, hoping it would throw them off the scent, it seemed to do the trick. 

As expected, the requests for backstage passes came thick and fast all night but I only had 3 passes available to me, and I’d already promised them to my 3 closest mates; Ben, Mark & Ryan. They were inundated with offers of vast amounts of cash, sex (from both girls and boys) and promises to do cleaning, shopping, washing… You name it and the others would probably have pledged it for a chance to hang out with Metallica for 15 minutes! 

I left them all still bartering when Tool finished their set so that I could get a ride back to the hotel. I fished my phone out of my bag and saw that I had 2 texts and 3 missed calls, all from Jerry. Shit I’d better call him. 

“Hello gorgeous. How are you?” I more than likely slurred into the receiver. 

“Elle, where are you?” I could tell he wasn’t in the happiest mood, but decided to overlook it and act normal. 

“I’m up at the festival site, been chillin’ with my homies.” I laughed, “Had a couple of drinks and a few laughs y’know…” 

“Glad you’re havin’ a good time.” 

Uh oh, I was getting a decidedly stony reception. I’d better start back pedalling. 

“Sorry I didn’t call earlier baby, the time just ran away from me and I didn’t realise how late it was until Tool finished. Can you forgive me?” 

“I don’t own you Elle, you can do as you please. It’s not really any’a my business is it?” Jerry sarcastically spat at me. 

I was quiet then, knowing that whatever I said would be wrong. We just hung on the line in silence. I decided I’d apologise again, but that was as far as I was willing to go. 

“Jer, I am really sorry, it wasn’t intentional. I’ve not seen my mates for ages; I s’pose I just got carried away. I don’t know what else I can say.” I heard him blowing cigarette smoke out furiously, but the silence told me he was beginning to realise that he was being unreasonable. 

“Yeah I know,” he finally conceded “I was just hopin’ you’d be in London tonight, so I could see you.” 

“Babe, why didn’t you say that earlier? I might’ve been able to change my plans.” 

“No, you’re right you should see your friends. I’m just being selfish. I shouldn’a snapped at you, sorry.”’ He sounded tired and I forgave him instantly, he had been on the road for nearly a month. 

“That’s ok hon. What time will you be here tomorrow, you know Down are playing at 11.30? The worst kept secret in Metal, everyone knows! ” I was so excited about the following day I couldn’t keep it in. 

“Yeah I wanna see ‘em too. We should be there by then. Can’t believe we’re gonna be on at the same time as England’s first Soccer World Cup game though, hope some people still wanna watch us.” 

“FOOTBALL Jerry! And of course they will, it’s only Paraguay, we’ll kick their arses! I’ll be watching you, and you know how I feel about football!” 

We finished the call on friendly terms and despite my excitement about the next day I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. 

Jesus it was hot on Saturday morning, it had to have been 85 degrees by 10.30! This was unusual for a British festival; we’re more used to rain and mud. Jerry called to tell me that they were stuck in traffic on the Motorway and stress levels were running high in the Alice camp as everyone worried about how much time they’d get on site before they were due to go on. 

Ben, Mark & Ryan watched Down with me from the side of the stage as Phil and the boys tore up the largest crowd I’ve ever seen for a first band in my life. It seemed everyone had made the effort to get up early for them and they were well rewarded. Phil was clearly wasted, but very funny and the crowd was eating out of his hand. Pepper stopped to say hello as they left the stage and told me to drop by later as they were gonna be hanging out all day. I didn’t imagine that I would, he’d probably forget anyway. 

Lars called me to say he’d arrived so I took them to meet him and as ever he was super friendly, making my boys feel like they were the most important people on the planet for 20 minutes. He was on top form today, clearly psyched to be back at Donington. 

Once we ran through his schedule for the day & I had him settled in an interview, I took the boys on a bit of a wander to see if they could spot anyone else they might want to meet. As luck would have it we bumped into Pepper and Phil. 

“Hey Elle, you comin’ by?” Pepper asked. “Sure, a bit later though I’m taking my mates on the grand tour at the moment.” 

“Well fellas you’re welcome too. Come ‘n have a beer?” I wasn’t so sure at that moment that it was a good idea, for me at least. 

“Yeah c’mon sweetheart, we could do with a pretty li’l thing like you to brighten up the place.” Phil drawled in that sexy deep Southern accent of his, sidling up to me and putting his arm around me. He was absolutely trashed. 

I laughed. “Well thank you, but I’m sure you can find some younger prettier models in no time. I’m supposed to be working & I’ll have to get back to Lars soon.” 

“Lars? Sure he won’t mind if we kidnap you for a while. Will he boys?” Phil turned to Ben, Mark & Ryan who far too readily jumped on his bandwagon. 

“Elle, don’t worry I’ll square it with Lars if he says anything. C’mon, you’re always workin’, time to have a little fun!” Pepper threw his ten cents in pulling me by the arm. 

I tried to protest again, but before I could even finish a sentence Phil had picked me up and flung me over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry as ‘my’ boys cheered and clapped following in his wake. 

“Phil put me down please.” I asked nicely not wanting to cause any offence. He paid no attention and cheekily slapped my bum. “Seriously Phil, PUT ME DOWN!” I shouted now and began to struggle, but I wasn’t any match for him and he just gripped my legs tighter so I couldn’t move them at all. Everyone laughed. I didn’t have much choice but to go along with it seeing as no one was going to stick up for me and I knew they were only having fun. 

He put me down once we reached their dressing room and I gave him a playful thump on the arm as he held the door open for me, but I was laughing now too as he draped an arm around my shoulders. I shook it off once we were inside and spent the next 10 minutes rejecting his advances then slipped away unnoticed at the first opportunity. I rushed back to Lars, but he was relaxed and jovial and told me I’d better hurry if I wanted to catch Alice, he’d be along soon. I checked my phone, but there were no missed calls. God I hope Jerry had arrived, it was only 15 minutes before they were due on stage. 

~*~

Jerry’s side of the stage was packed when I got there, and Mike’s seemed a bit clearer so I walked around there to get a better vantage point. Word had got to me that they’d arrived an hour before and I wondered why Jerry hadn’t called me, but realised that he was probably quite hassled with no time to chill out before the set, I’d catch him later. 

They needn’t have worried about the football, the crowd was huge and certainly well up for it which became apparent as soon as ‘Man In The Box’ began. The onslaught was relentless, their set was only 40 minutes long and they crammed 8 songs into it. Donington went mad for them and it was a fantastic sight to behold; 50,000+ people singing along with William and Jerry. It sent shivers up my spine despite the 90 degree heat! 

Ben joined me a couple of songs in giving me a massive hug and big wet kiss on my cheek, he’d been on the Jack with the Down guys and was pretty pissed and full of beans, making me bounce about with him. I wasn’t sure if Jerry had seen me, we didn’t make eye contact at all whilst he was on stage and when it was over he went straight off the other side. 

Ben and I wandered backstage and whilst he visited the loo, I sent Jerry a congratulatory text and told him I couldn’t wait to see him. Ben returned as I pressed send and caught the massive smile on my face. 

“So who is he?” He asked throwing his arm around my neck and rubbing his knuckles on my head in that annoying big brother way. “I know you too well, you weren’t kidding last night when you were trying to double bluff us were you? Do I know him?” I laughed but refused to make any comment. We found the other 2 so I left them all watching the football on a big screen and went back to work. 

A couple of hours later Peter Mensch, one of Metallica’s managers called me needing to speak with Lars, apparently his phone was going straight to voicemail. I knew Lars was writing the set list at the time and would be in his dressing room, so I chatted to Peter as I jogged along to Lars’ dressing room that was located quite a way back from the main throng in a port-a-cabin. 

I bounded up the steps and didn’t even think about knocking, I didn’t usually. I burst into the room all smiles, but was greeted with a scene that tore the breath from my chest. Lars, pen in hand was on one sofa scribbling away, on the other sat Jerry with a young girl on his lap, his hand up her non-existent skirt. 

Jailbait was the first word that came to mind, she looked about 20, so I figured she was probably only 17 or 18. She was everything that I wasn’t; young, brunette, tiny, cheap. 

“’Sup Elle?” Lars said. I looked at him blankly for a second trying to remember why I was there. “You know Jerry don’t you? And this is his friend Heather.” I looked back at them, and instinctively turned on my showbiz smile for their benefit. 

Jerry just nodded, no sign of emotion on his face at all, but Heather was grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Hi there, nice to meet you. It’s Hayley actually.” 

I heard Peter’s voice coming from my phone, which jogged my memory. 

“Lars, Peter needs to talk to you.” I thrust the phone towards him. 

“OK, I’ll take it outside.” He took the phone and closed the door behind him. Leaving me in the most awkward situation of my life. ‘The fucking bastard’ I thought, I wasn’t going to let him get the better of me though. 

“Great set Jerry. The crowd loved it! Did you see it Heather?” 

“Hayley. Yeah it was cool.” 

“Sorry, Hayley. So how are you enjoying Download? Have you been before?” I said being overly friendly, Jerry didn’t say a word he just sat there glaring at me. 

“No it’s my first festival actually. I met the boys last night in London and they invited me and my friend Lauren, I’ve lost her somewhere, so I thought it might be fun.” 

Woah! Last night? This shit was premeditated! I couldn’t believe it. 

“Really? Wow lucky you. I hope you are going to stay and see Metallica later?” 

“Metallica? I’ve heard of them, my friend Jess is really into them I think.” I had to laugh then, what was he thinking picking this girl up? 

“Well Heather you’ll be able to rub her nose in it at school on Monday then, when you tell her you were hanging out with their drummer today.” 

“Hayley.” She said good-naturedly for the third time. I knew damn well what her name was, but I was fucked if I was going give Jerry the satisfaction of appearing that I gave a shit. “Oh I’m not at school, I go to 6th form college. So who’s the drummer?” 

Yep, no more than 18! 

“Lars is Metallica’s drummer.” I laughed, “If you ask him nicely I’m sure he’ll give you an autograph for your friend.” T

he door opened and Lars stepped back in the room closing my phone and handed it back to me. “Right, well I’d better get back to work.” I said chirpily, “Have a great day Helen, maybe we’ll bump into each other later. Bye Jerry.” 

“Hayley… yeah I hope so, bye Elle.” I skipped back down the steps leaving the door wide open and stood to the side so they wouldn’t be able to see me put my head down towards my knees. I felt like I’d been punched. The sound of Lars chattering flowed through the door as I tried to regain my composure, but then I heard Jerry’s voice too… 

“I’ve just remembered something I need to do, you ok with Lars for a bit Heather?” 

“Yeah fine, and it’s Hayley!” Finally she sounded exasperated. I straightened up and began marching away as I heard him coming down the steps after me. 

“Elle!” He called. I just kept walking. “Elle, I want to talk to you.” He’d caught me up and grabbed my arm pulling me round to face him. 

“Yeah, and I’ve got something to say to you too Jerry.” I shouted pushing him back with my free arm and violently pulling my other arm from him. “I didn’t for one second imagine that we were exclusive. I know your track record. But I didn’t think that you’d be as cruel as to rub my face in it. You fucking bastard! You’re old enough to be her father, you make me sick!” I spat with as much venom as I had. 

“So you admit it then?” 

“Admit what?” I had no idea what he was talking about. 

“I fuckin’ saw you Elle!” He yelled at me accusingly. 

“What? When? Where?” 

“With Phil and Pepper and those other guys. Yeah, it’s all fallin’ into place now.” He said nodding his eyes full of contempt. “No wonder working for Lars is your dream job. What is it they call girls like you? Super groupies ain’t it?” 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I blinked hard my mouth falling open in total shock. 

“Yeah, working for the biggest rock group on the planet is a real nice in for a girl like you… get to meet all the big names, flirt a little, fuck as many of ‘em as you like. So where was I on your list? Seems like Pepper and Phil are there. I bet they shared you. Who else huh? That guy you were hugging and kissing at the stage earlier? I expect you’ve screwed half the bands on the bill. You’re just a fuckin’ whore!” 

I was devastated, how could he even think these things about me? I didn’t see the point in trying to defend myself, besides I’d done nothing wrong so why the hell should I? 

“Are you finished?” I asked quietly with as much control as I could manage when he finally stopped his rant. He just stood there his arms folded across his chest challenging me silently. I turned on my heel and walked away as the tears began spilling from eyes. 

“You not even gonna try n’ defend yourself?” He yelled after me. 

No I wasn’t. Fuck him.

~*~

I wanted to run, but where to? The tears were streaming down my face by now, as I looked for somewhere to hide. A voice called my name, but I didn’t turn to see who it was. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder and spun round in fright. It was Ben. 

“Elle, what the fuck’s happened?” He asked concerned when he saw that I was crying. I just sobbed hard and flung my arms around him. He held me close soothing me with soft words and waited for me to calm down before he lead me outside to sit on some grass by the security fence. He told me to wait whilst he got me some tissues and a drink. 

I adored Ben, we’d been mates for years, we thought the same, shared the same tastes and argued constantly, but of all my friends he was the most sensitive and I was glad that it was him who’d found me. It all came out when he sat down next to me handing me a beer and toilet roll. Everything. Even the fact that I was in love with Jerry, which was the first time I’d said it out loud, therefore making it real. I began to cry again. He put his arm around my shoulder and I leaned into him letting myself go. 

“I knew right from the start that something like this would happen eventually, but I really hoped for the best. Pessimism was always the best outlook to take; I shouldn’t have let him get so close!” I whimpered.

“Elle, you can’t help who you fall in love with. Look it’s just a knee jerk reaction from him. I can see how that scene earlier with Phil could’ve looked from the outside, if you were my bird, I’d probably be kicking off too. He’ll come to his senses and will be begging you for forgiveness by the end of the day. Trust me.” 

“He called me a whore Ben!” I said sitting up blowing my nose on the scratchy toilet paper. “How do you get over something like that?” “You have to remember he’s not led the same life that we have. It’s been sex, drugs and rock’n’roll for him for years. He’s seen it all and you know he’s had a lot of women who are groupies. I’m guessing he thinks you’re different and for whatever reason that episode with Anselmo has made him question his judgement, he’s hurt and he wants to hurt you too. They’re just words Elle said in the heat of the moment. Don’t take them to heart.” 

I sniffed and lit a cigarette thinking about what Ben had said. “But there’s no trust is there? I was ok about him being on tour, I mean of course deep down I knew he was fucking around, but it’s easy not to think about it, to pretend that he was only ever thinking of me. But he’s shattered that illusion by bringing that child here.” 

“Don’t go jumping to conclusions about the girl. You don’t know if she spent the night with him, it might have been with one of the road crew for all you know. And he might just be using her to get back at you.” 

“You’re so fucking rational Ben!” I managed a tight laugh. “Thank you.” 

“Any time babe. Now don’t look, but Jerry’s just walked outside.” Of course I looked up immediately and our eyes met. I saw a flicker of emotion in him, but it was so brief I didn’t have to time to register what it was. Then he just looked away as if I didn’t exist. Hayley wasn’t with him, so I supposed that was something. I stood up then, gutted that he’d seen me in this state, as I imagined black streaks of mascara staining my face. 

“I’m going to sort my face out Ben. I’ll come and find you at the bar later.” I walked the long way round not wanting to be anywhere near Jerry in case he was tempted to give me another mouthful of hatred. When I looked in the mirror, it was even worse than I thought, my eyes were bright red and swollen there was no mascara left on my lashes, it was all on my cheeks and my pink t-shirt. At least I had my shades and I could change my shirt and fling on a Metallica one. Ben was right, I could be blowing the whole thing out of proportion. I wasn’t going to cry about it anymore, but I was still really hurt and didn’t think that we’d be making up any time soon. 

Lars was strangely undemanding for the rest of the day and even told me I could spend the rest of the day with my friends, just as long as we were all back in time to see him, James, Kirk & Rob go on and kick Donington’s arse. Jerry must’ve left at some point in the early evening, he certainly wasn’t around for Metallica’s set. I was glad, I didn’t think I could bear to be the recipient of another one of those withering looks.


	10. Chapter 10

I felt and looked like utter shit the next day as I got on the redeye to Dublin, there’s nothing like a good cry and vast amounts of alcohol to do guarantee that living dead look. The last thing I wanted to do was be anywhere near Jerry Cantrell. The thought of having to spend the day trying to avoid him especially without having Ben to lean on filled me with dread. 

Going through the motions on autopilot, I made it through most of the day by hiding out in various places I knew Jerry wouldn’t be, until I got a text from him in the early afternoon. 

_‘I was so wrong. Real sorry I said those things. Can we talk?’_

I felt kind of numb when I read it but didn’t trust myself to reply, so I put my phone away deciding he could sweat. The next thing was a delivery for me in Lars’ dressing room of all places. 

“Hey Elle, you have some flowers here. You wanna come get them? Shall I open the card for you?” 

“No Lars, leave it for me.” 

“So who’s the lucky fella then?” 

“No one Lars, there is no fella.” I replied flatly. 

This time it was two dozen white roses. ‘Yeah why not spend twice the money Jerry, that’ll make it easier to forgive you’ I thought contemptuously. I opened the card as Lars remained uncharacteristically silent. 

_‘I am really really sorry!_  
I know I messed up big time - please forgive me   
J xxx’ 

I snorted and shoved the card into my bag. Lars finally spoke. 

“Elle I know who they’re from.” He spoke gently. 

“Did you read the card Lars?” I was in the mood for an argument and didn’t care if I was about to start it with my boss apparently. 

“No. I heard the shouting match you had with Jerry yesterday. He told me everything. Look I wasn’t gonna get involved Elle, you’re both really special to me, but I can’t bear to see you like this. He was a dick, he knows it too. He’s a lot like me y’know Elle, he can fly off the handle pretty quickly without thinking about the consequences. I put him straight, so did Pepper. Y’know he feels really bad, why don’t you go and talk to him?” 

“So if it wasn’t for you he’d still think I was a whore then Lars, is that what you’re saying.” I snapped angrily. 

“No Elle, he didn’t meant that, he was just lashing out. Like I said he’s impetuous sometimes. But I think that shows how much he cares about you. And that girl was purely for your benefit yesterday, he didn’t do anything with her. She was sent packing straight after you left.” 

“How mature!” I sat down hard on the sofa and lit a cigarette. “You’ve got a Meet & Greet now, you’d better get going.” I said sulkily. 

“Ok I’m going, but think about what I said Elle. Do you really want to throw this away?” Lars left me alone, his words ringing in my ears. Did I want this to be over? Of course I didn’t. Part of me wanted to run to him, but my pride was wounded and I was one stubborn son-of-abitch. A bunch of poxy flowers wasn’t enough to melt my heart. 

~*~

Not surprisingly, I didn’t watch Alice and I made damn sure that I was nowhere near Jerry when Metallica took to the stage. I was still brooding. Although I was pretty sure he’d be given a second chance, I couldn’t quite bring myself to make the final step, he’d have to work a little harder for that. We stood on opposite sides of the stage and I tried really hard not to look in his direction, but I could feel he’s eyes boring into me most of the time. 

James’ family was over so they could celebrate his eldest daughter’s birthday together. He called her onstage and got the Dublin audience to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to her. It was an extremely touching moment and I felt the tears pricking my eyes as I was overcome with emotion. The next song on the set list was ‘Nothing Else Matters’ and I had to really hold the tears back when it started as I remembered Jerry singing it to me back in the karaoke bar. I looked for him then, but I couldn’t see him. James announced that a friend of his was going to be helping him sing. And my heart leapt when he said Jerry’s name. 

At the very same time a voice said in my ear “For you baby.” I turned but Jerry had already walked past me on to the stage. I looked over at Lars; he was grinning and gave me a wink. 

The harmonies between James & Jerry were so beautiful that I did cry then, silently letting the tears fall down my face. He was completely forgiven and soon I was going to be in his arms where I hoped I belonged. 

As soon as the vocals finished Jerry bowed to James and headed straight back towards me, I almost ran into his arms and he gathered me up. Wrapping my legs around his waist I kissed him as he carried me backstage and I wasn’t sure if the round of applause that went up from the people stood in the wings was for us or the song. 

“I’m sorry Elle,” Jerry began lowering me to the ground when we were away from the stage, “I didn’t mean any of that shit I said, I am so sorry I hurt you.” He brought his hands to my face and brushed the remaining tears away with his thumbs. 

“I know baby. It’s ok.” I smiled up at him. 

“No it’s not. And I’m gonna make it up to you, but first I need to tell you somethin’ real important.” He said earnestly looking deep into my eyes. “I love you.” 

Wow, I was not expecting that! I felt my eyes widen as his words sunk into my consciousness causing every fibre of my being to buzz with happiness. The smile spread quickly across my face. 

“Oh! That’s… I love you too.” 

We stood grinning at each other like idiots, until finally he kissed me, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I never wanted him to let me go. 

“C’mon,” he said when we came up for air and took my hand, “we got some makin’ up to do.” 

“Where are we going?” I asked laughing trying not trip over my skirt as he pulled me along at speed. 

“Lars has given us his dressing room to ‘talk’ and you the rest of the night off. I need to get you alone right now!” 

Crashing into the room, we locked the door behind us and fell into each other’s arms as we rained a flurry of hungry kisses upon each other. It felt like the room was spinning around us and we tumbled back onto the sofa where I had sat earlier sulking. The length of Jerry’s body covered mine, his hard on digging into my thigh as we got reacquainted. 

I could feel his fingers searching for the hem of my gypsy skirt, filling handfuls with it as he went. Finally exasperated he pulled out of the kiss. 

“What the hella ya wearin’; a fuckin’ circus tent? I wanna feel your skin under my fingertips, but I think I’m gonna need a map!” We laughed and I grabbed hold of my skirt and hitched up around my waist. 

“That do ya?” 

“For now…” he replied trailing his fingers delicately along my thigh. “I’ve missed your soft skin against me,” He breathed “and your lips on mine.” He kissed me softly then leaned back to look into my soul as I was now used to. “I won’t ever hurt you again Elle, I promise.” 

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep Jerry,” I whispered, gently tucking a lock of blonde hair behind his ear. “I know you mean it, but neither of us know what the future holds.” 

“I do. You n’ me baby and happily ever after.” I smiled at his sweetness, surely he wasn’t that naïve, or was I just being overly cynical again? “Enough chat, back to the makin’ up, I need to be inside you like, yesterday!” He drawled bringing his mouth down to my neck and sucking hard. I closed my eyes, gasping as he set me on fire, my pussy aching for him. Reaching down between us I purposely undid the top button of his jeans and lowered the zip slowly and deliberately, before reaching inside and taking his cock into my hand. Now it was his turn to gasp. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you right now Elle.” He murmured intently, his eyes illuminating the emotion behind his words, I felt it too and needed him as much. 

“Then don’t wait, I don’t want you to.” I replied pushing his jeans further down his legs to speed things up. He sat back for a moment to swiftly remove my knickers. It all seemed so ethereal after that, like it was happening in slow motion. 

Jerry ran his hands from my knees up along my thighs pushing them apart; I could feel my heart beating throughout my entire body as he came back towards me. Kissing me, he leant his forearms either side of my shoulders and stroked my face as he entered me unhurriedly, pulling back out rather quickly and burying himself again slower still. It felt devastatingly wonderful, but as he kept it up I didn’t know how he could stand it. 

“I won’t last much longer…” I sighed as he withdrew from me. 

“Then come baby, I want you to. I’ll be right behind you.” 

“But I don’t want this to end.” I held back for as long as I could and when I came it was glorious. Jerry continued his leisurely thrusting, prolonging it I’m sure. As I began to calm he finally let go, a moan of pure ecstasy escaping from his lips. 

We laid still in each other’s arms basking in the afterglow of consummating our love until it became apparent that Metallica had finished their set. Even then we didn’t hurry, happy to be in our little bubble, where right then everything was perfect.


	11. Chapter 11

Following Dublin we got to spend some time together in Austria when Metallica and Alice shared the bill for the final time that summer, Jerry went out and sang ‘Nothing Else Matters’ again, it was getting beyond cheesy now and I made sure he knew it. I was expecting it to somehow feel different now that we didn’t have to sneak around, I was worried it would take away an element of excitement. But it did nothing to quell our passion; it did serve to piss Lars off though. I don’t think he was very happy that his Assistant was getting distracted by one of his mates. He obviously felt uncomfortable with it and was biting his tongue. I tried to make Jerry behave, but it was too difficult to stay away from each other. Surprisingly though he still took me along with him when Alice played in Denmark after Metallica had finished up with Europe. I flew to London the next day for a holiday whilst Lars kicked back in his home country too. 

It was great to be home with my Mum and Dad fussing over me, but after a few days, once I’d finally relaxed, the effects of the travelling and stress started to come out as they always did when I stopped for breath. I slept a lot, but was constantly tired and irritable. I was off my food too it seemed everything I tried to eat tasted weird and me feel sick. My Mum kept trying to make me go to a Doctor, she liked a good medical drama, but I knew I’d bounce back in a week or so; just in time to see Jerry. I still managed to squeeze in a few meetings in town along with a few day trips and lunch dates with old friends and colleagues, so I wasn’t completely incapacitated.

Extravagantly I checked into the County Hall Marriott the night before Jerry was due in town. I’d never stayed there before, it was so bloody expensive and I usually just crashed at a mates or my parents whenever I was in town. But it was worth it for the view of the river and the Houses of Parliament alone. 

I was on the phone to Rachael the PR exec at the record company going through the artwork mock ups on my laptop for the Metallica DVD that was due out in time for Christmas when Jerry arrived. 

“Hey honey, I’m home!” He shouted as soon as he walked through the door I spun around to see him smiling brightly, looking tanned and healthy with his hair tied back. Oh how he made me weak. What crappy timing! I got up and kissed him a quick hello before sitting back down on the edge of the sofa to carry on the conversation. Jerry jumped over the back and slid his legs either side of mine and pulled me back against him. Immediately his hands were on my breasts massaging them, his mouth closed around my free ear sucking lightly. I didn’t stop him happy to feel him so close to me. “Get off the phone,” he whispered “I got three weeks of lovin’ to give you.” I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on Rachael’s voice in my other ear. He reached a hand down to pull up my skirt and began to rub me through my knickers. I gasped before I knew what I was doing. 

“Are you ok?” Rachael asked concerned. 

“Yeah, sorry I thought I was about to sneeze, but it’s gone now.” I slapped his hand away and sat forward to click onto the next proof, Jerry moved forward too so that I could feel his hard on rubbing against my back. I got up then and moved my laptop so I could sit in the chair opposite. Looking back at him I saw the extent of his amour, all ten inches of it making an impressive struggle for freedom through his combats. I smiled cheekily at him and opened up a new email window on my laptop and typed ‘Is that a canoe in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?’ and turned it round for him to read. 

“What this?” he mouthed pointing down at it “This, is for you!” He began to unzip himself. My train of thought went completely then and I had no idea what Rachael had just said. “Two minutes!” I mouthed back. 

“Sorry Rachael, can you say that again?” I got up again and knelt on the armchair with my back to Jerry knowing I wouldn’t be able to finish the call if I carried on watching. I should’ve known that wouldn’t have stopped him. I leaned my elbows on the back of the chair whilst I instructed Rachael to get the proofs printed in San Francisco to be biked over to HQ for the boys to approve as Jerry climbed on the chair behind me and pinned me to it. His hands were straight under my skirt tugging my panties down to my knees, then one reached up under my vest top twisting a nipple as the other wound around me and found my clit. I was biting both my lips so I didn’t give the game away to Rachael. 

“I ain’t waitin’ any longer baby, I’ll just take you right here, right now.” Jerry murmured lustily in my ear. I knew he would so I cut Rachael off mid-sentence telling her that I had another important call coming through, I’d call her later if I needed to discuss anything else. I hung up without even saying goodbye and threw the phone on the floor. 

“What are you waiting for?” I demanded leaning back into him and twisting my head so I could kiss him. He bit my bottom lip and pulled it into his mouth sucking on it for a second then pushed me forwards and drove himself into me hard. The pain was immense not having had him in me for 3 weeks, but his second and third thrusts were exquisite and we both came almost instantly. 

He pulled out of me and stood back so I could turn around. I did so quickly and began undressing. “Take me to bed Cantrell or fuck me right here, I don’t care. Just do that to me again.” 

“I think that can be arranged.” Jerry laughed pulling his t-shirt off and grabbing me around the waist he kissed me properly for the first time in weeks. I felt him stirring against my thigh already as he backed me towards the bed. My legs hit it without warning and I sat down automatically and quite unceremoniously. “I feel like l should be layin’ you on a bed of roses not dumping you on your ass.” We both laughed. “Seriously, though, I’ve not been very romantic have I?” 

“I don’t care Jerry, you’re here that’s all that matters to me.” 

“Well then lemme make love to you, not just fuck your brains out... until later anyway.” He leaned over and kissed me again as we moved up the bed, never letting his lips leave mine. I laid my head back on the pillow as he propped himself up on one arm and laid next me, his fingers idly trailing across my skin. “Hello.” He said as we looked at each other properly. 

“Hello.” I replied smiling up at him. 

“Did I tell you that I love you?” He asked. The grin raced across my face, I was never going to tire of him saying that. 

I pretended to search my memory “No, I don’t think so.” I shook my head. 

“Oh ok, I’ll tell you now. I love you Eleanor and I’ve really missed you.” 

“I’ve missed you too Jerry. And I think it’s also safe to say that I love you as well.” 

We grinned again at one and other and slowly Jerry brought his lips lightly to mine. It reminded me of that kiss back in his car at the beach, it was so soft, but so powerful. I felt my heart soar as it began to quicken. Taking his hand I held against my chest and said “This is what you do to me.” 

He kissed me again slowly parting my lips with his tongue drawing mine out and into his own mouth. He pushed himself against the length of my body urgently, his fingers having fluttered back down across my stomach now moved deliberately inside of me. I reached down between us and leisurely caressed his ever hardening dick. Within moments we were both moaning with pleasure and Jerry rolled on top of me sliding between my legs and slipping himself into my wetness with ease. Nothing felt as good as this; it was as if we’d been made for each other, to be joined like this. I closed my eyes giving myself up to the long deep strokes Jerry was working into me. Putting my feet flat to the bed and lifting my hips I dug my nails into his arse, driving him deeper within me. Jerry picked up the pace as I called out his name feeling my orgasm rising. I tightened around him the waves of my orgasm racking my body as he pounded harder and harder into me, finally slowing and groaning his release deep within me. 

We laid not moving, just whispering sweet nothings to each other until I could no longer bear his weight and he rolled off me to lay propped up on one arm again. 

“You look tired baby. You still not feelin’ well?” Jerry asked running a finger down my cheek. 

I shrugged not wanting to make a big deal out of it, I just wanted to enjoy the short time we had together. “It’s not that bad, I just can’t seem to shake off whatever it is. I’m sure it will pass eventually. The worst part is I can’t even get past the first sip of alcohol! For me, that is weird!” 

“I think you should see a Doctor, get checked out. I’ll come with you if you want.” Jerry said with concern in his eyes. 

“Nah, I’ll be fine. God you’re starting to sound like my mother!” I laughed. 

“Ah, that reminds me,” A wry smile crept across Jerry’s face, “when do I get to meet your folks?” 

“What?” I asked shocked by his request, “It’s a bit soon for all that isn’t it?” 

“Well seeing as I’m here, you’re here and they live so close, it’d be rude not to huh? Besides I need to thank them for raising my perfect woman, and it’s only right to do that in person.” 

“You’re so corny, do you know that?” I pulled the pillow out from behind my head and hit him with it until he wrestled it out of my hands and pinned me down with it over my chest and turned all serious. 

“Ok, I don’t have to meet your parents this time if you don’t want me to. But, you have to promise me that if you don’t feel better in a coupla days you’ll let me take you to a Doctor. Yes?” 

I nodded reluctantly. “You can meet my parents if you really want you know, I just need to warn that you that they’re very English and very conservative. Not sure how you’re all gonna get on that’s all.” 

“Babe it’s fine, it’s your call. I’m happy doin’ whatever as long as it’s with you.” 

We spent the rest of the day making love and napping only venturing out of the room once it was dark to go in search of food and cigarettes. We walked past the London Eye all lit up with neon blue lights, it looked magical against the night sky. I promised we’d go on it the day after the gig and I’d take him to all my other favourite places around town if he was a good boy between now and then.


	12. Chapter 12

The following day was American Independence Day and also my Dad’s birthday. I’d promised to take him to Lords for the day to watch the cricket and suggested to Jerry that if he didn’t have plans to celebrate with the rest of the band he could come along for a couple hours before he needed to sound check at The Astoria. He seemed quite up for it until I told him he’d have to wear a shirt and proper trousers to be allowed into the Pavilion, where my Dad would be propping up the bar with his cronies. 

“I told you Jerry, my father is a typical English gentleman. He likes things done in the proper way and has never owned a pair of jeans in his life!” 

“You gotta be kiddin’ me?” Jerry asked incredulously. “Shit, we sure come from different worlds huh?” I nodded suddenly hit by a wave of nausea making it impossible to speak. “Babe, you ok? What’s wrong?” Jerry rushed over to me as I sat back on the bed feeling as though all the blood had just rushed out of my head. “You’ve gone real pale. I’m callin’ you a Doctor, I don’t care what you say.” He stood but I grabbed his wrist. 

“It’s fine Jerry, it’s passing. I just felt a bit sick that’s all. Don’t fuss.” 

“Elle, you’re not right you can’t just ignore it. Lemme call someone.” 

I sighed, he wasn’t going to let it lie. “Ok, I will call my old surgery at home and get an appointment for tomorrow, they probably still have my records. Happy?” 

“Not until you’ve made the appointment, no.” 

I got the number from Directory Enquiries and called them, they were happy to fit me in with my old GP the following afternoon. That done I finished getting ready, kissed Jerry goodbye and jumped on the Tube to meet my Dad at St John’s Wood station. The nausea was soon forgotten as Dad and I hugged hello and ambled to the cricket ground arm in arm. I was 64 determined to have a good day with him and even better night at The Astoria with Ben, Mark & Ryan. 

I put Dad on a train home at around 6.30pm and walked to The Intrepid Fox pub, the only decent metal pub in London, to meet my boys for a pre-gig drink. They’d been there for over any hour having come straight from work, and were already well on their way but the time I showed up. A vodka and tonic was put down in front of me and the usual round of abuse started when I told them I wasn’t really up for drink. “You a pussy now you live in The States and drink piss weak beer are ya Elle?” Ryan jibed. I glared at him. 

“No I’ll drink you girls under the table any day and you know it!” 

“Fightin’ words there Elle,” Mark said leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms across his chest, “You’d better be willing to back that up with some action or we just ain’t gonna believe ya!” 

Ben chucked his tuppence ha’penny too “Does Jerry know you’re a big wussy girl who can’t hold her drink anymore? Next you’ll be telling us that you’ve given up smoking and go jogging every day before work!” All three of them fell about laughing. 

“Fuck you guys!” I said picking up my drink and downing it. Why did I always have to be one of the lads? I was 30 for god sake, was I never gonna grow up? I slammed my glass on the table. “Tequila boys?” I challenged standing up and waving my purse at them. 

“Noooo way!” They said unison. Good that had got them off my back, now I could go and throw up. 

I carried on my charade whilst we were in the pub matching them drink for drink, it was hard work, but I kept half of them down. I even felt a bit drunk and ready to bounce my way through an hour and a half of Alice. 

As we left I called Jerry to tell him we were on our way over to the venue and asked him if we should go backstage to see him before the set, but I’d left it a bit too late. 

“I’ll see you afterwards then baby, have a good show. I’ll be in the crowd, so look for me.”

“I love you Elle. Be careful..”

“Oh shush the boys will look after me, they’ve been doing it for years! I love you.” This caused all three of them to start making puking noises as they pretended to stick their fingers down their throats. All three of them got a slap too. 

The show was great, hotter than hot, jam packed, but totally amazing! I’ve never seen the Astoria like that, the vibe was electric. I have also never sweated so much in my life, everything I was wearing was totally soaked. We were all literally sliding off each other in the crowd, no one seemed to care too much though in fact the whole place wore a smile for the entire set. 

Come the end, I’d been pushed right to the front by Mark and I could tell by the look on Jerry’s face when he saw me that I was going to be in trouble for not being a good little girl. The boys had to leave to get their train home but they waited with me until the place emptied out a bit. 

“Elle are you fuckin’ crazy?” Were Jerry’s first words to me. “Look at you!” I turned to look for mirror. Finding one I burst out laughing, my mascara had run down my cheeks and my hair was flat to my head with sweat. 

“That was insane! I loved the wigs, hilarious!” I said referring to the afros that Jerry, Sean & Mike had donned before coming back out for the encore in William’s honour. “I’ve never seen the place like that before or been that hot!” 

“It was fuckin’ awesome!” Jerry agreed coming to give me hug, but stopped when he realised exactly how hot I’d gotten seeing as he’d already showered and changed into clean clothes. “We need to get you out of those wet clothes Missy, you’re absolutely drenched.” 

“Yeah I bet,” I raised an eyebrow, “What do you have in mind?” 

Jerry laughed. “Let’s get the hell outta here!” 

I did change my t-shirt and remove my bra before we left, both of which I was able to wring out. As we sat in the back of the van the other guys were astonished at the state of me but impressed that I’d held my own in the pit. I neglected to mention the fact I had my human shield of 3 burly men looking out for me! 

Back in our room I stripped the second we walked through the door and turned on the shower climbing straight in and pulling the glass screen over behind me. I started by washing my hair and was rinsing the shampoo out when I became aware that Jerry was watching me from the doorway. I pretended that I hadn’t noticed him and began to hum as I ran conditioner through my hair, my head tilted back I let the shower pound water against my breasts. That done I squeezed some of the free expensive stuff you get in nice hotels onto my shower puff and decided I’d give him something to look at. Taking a step away from the water flow and starting with my arms I ran the puff deliberately along my skin leaving a thick foamy lather in its wake. I turned so the water was behind me and flicked my hair over one shoulder and lathered up the one Jerry could see, then slowly I brought it along my neck and over my collarbone, trailing it between my breasts. I really wanted to look and see Jerry’s reaction, but thought the charade would be spoilt if I did so I fought the temptation. In turn I soaped up both my tits using my free hand to pull on my nipples and let out a small moan. I covered my stomach next, then leaning forward I put one leg and then the other up in turn on the side of the bath and ran the puff the full length in long sensuous strokes. Finally, my hands both covered in creamy suds, I dropped the puff and slid both between my legs moaning as I ran one hand over my clit and the other between my swelling folds. I stepped back into the flow of water, closed my eyes then turned to face the door as I leaned back against the wall so that Jerry had no doubt that this show was for him. 

Within seconds I heard the screen opening and I opened my eyes once again to see Jerry, naked stepping into the bath in right front of me, water splashing against his tanned lithe body. He didn’t speak, just pulled me into a deep passionate kiss and ran his hands over my still soapy tits hungrily, pushing his erection against my mound. I ran my hands along his back and down to grab his butt and pulled him even tighter against me breaking the kiss. 

“Take me.” I demanded, “Make me yours.” Jerry looked at me, a heathen look in his eyes 

“You’re already mine.” He informed me gruffly. 

“Show me.” He pulled back from me slightly and pushed me hard against the tiles, I gasped as I felt the coldness along the length of my back then Jerry slid into me quickly. I wrapped a leg around him as he began to pound me hard against the wall, I could feel the grouting scratching against my spine, but I couldn’t think about that because with every thrust Jerry was talking to me, his words alone raising my temperature again. 

“You’re mine... you’ll always be mine... you were made for me... you’ll never have another... I will be fucking you for the rest of your life... You hear me? You are fucking mine!” 

I started to moan as I felt my orgasm begin to rise and my legs began to tremble, Jerry held me fast as I dug my nails into his back. “I might not let you come.” He said suddenly stopping. I knew what he wanted and I gave it to him immediately. 

“Please Jerry… don’t do this to me.” I begged. He thrust into me once more and stopped. “Please Jerry I’m begging you, don’t stop now!” Again he thrust into me, but slower and pulled out almost completely. 

“Who do you belong to?” He said holding me hard against the wall, his dick threatening to leave me empty. 

“You Jerry.” I whimpered. He smiled then, victorious and allowed me to slide half way down his cock before pushing me away again. “Fuck. Jerry please!” I begged again. 

“You wanna come?” He taunted me. 

“Please.” I whispered nodding frantically. This was like torture, so I tightened my muscles around him hoping to make him need to fuck me hard. Seeing the effect that had on him I immediately realised I shouldn’t of done it. He shook his head at me and tutted, but didn’t move at all. The water was beginning to sting my eyes and I began blinking heavily to try and clear them, it was whilst they were closed that he finally drove himself into me really hard and fast, shouting at me as my eyes snapped back open, a scream forming in my throat. 

“I own you! 

I love you! 

I fuck you! 

Just ME geddit?” 

I could only nod in reply, my orgasm finally crashing over me, bringing with it tears of relief, Jerry finally screaming “Fuck!” as he came hard pulling me tight against him. He kept me against the wall watching me cry. I couldn’t read him at all for a few seconds as he regained his composure, but finally I saw concern in his eyes and he spoke softly. “What’s wrong Elle, did I scare you baby?” 

I shook my head “No, of course not. I don’t really know why I’m crying!” I half sobbed/half laughed. Jerry put a comforting hand to my face and noticed I still had conditioner in my hair. 

“Let me get that out for you baby.” He pulled out of me then and my tears ran more readily than before and I had no idea why. Jerry took the shower head from the wall and moved me so I was stood with my back to him facing away from the shower and began to rinse my hair, hushing me all the while, his fingers gently following behind the water. 

“Thank you.” I said when he was done, turning so I could kiss him. “I’m not sure what that was all about. Sorry.” He smiled lovingly at me, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my shoulders before getting one for himself. 

“You’re probably over-did it today young lady.” Jerry gently chastised me. “I don’t what you were thinkin’ goin’ in that pit when you’re not well. That Doc’ll sort you out tomorrow.” 

I groaned “Do I really have to go?” Jerry just shot me a look that told me it wasn’t up for debate and helped me out of the bath. 

Once we’d dried our hair I looked at the time, it was only 4.45pm in San Francisco, I could check my emails. I opened the safe and got my laptop out, but Jerry was right behind me and took from me immediately. 

“Bed, now!” I tried to protest, but he really was owning my arse tonight so I crawled into bed realising as my eyes fell shut immediately that I was exhausted.


	13. Chapter 13

“C’mon baby wake up.” I stirred and opened an eye to see Jerry sat next to me on the bed, the sun was pouring into the room; looked like another scorcher in London town. 

“What’s the time?” I asked sitting up and squinting against the brightness. 

“Nearly Eleven. C’mon we got somewhere to be. I got you a Starbucks and a croissant. You want it now?” I shook my head and swung my legs around him to go to the bathroom. I felt like crap again. Locking the door behind me I looked at myself long and hard in the mirror. I was deathly pale and had big dark circles under my eyes. Maybe I was sick with something, I’d probably picked up a virus somewhere along the line. I splashed some water on my face and brushed my teeth steeling myself for the day. 

I walked back into the bedroom smiling. Jerry was sitting on the sofa watching the TV and drinking his coffee, looking pretty damned gorgeous as ever. I plonked myself down on his lap to kiss him good morning. He tasted of black coffee and cigarettes, nothing new about that but it turned my stomach and I shot straight off his lap and ran back to the bathroom retching into the toilet bowl. 

“Elle? Oh baby...” Jerry was right by me, pulling my hair back from my face as I hugged the loo wondering if I was actually going to puke or not. 

“God that wasn’t a very pleasant greeting baby, sorry!” I laughed weakly when I was finally sure it had passed. 

“You’re scaring me now Elle. The sooner we get you to that Doctor the better.” Jerry helped me up and held me close stroking my hair gently. “Do you feel well enough to get dressed and come out with me for a while? I got a bit of a surprise that might cheer you up.” 

I didn’t at all. I wanted to get straight back into bed and watch daytime TV, but I wasn’t going to let Jerry know that. “’Course I do. Just let me get dressed and get some slap on this old face and I’ll be right with you.” 

Fifteen minutes later we were walking along the Southbank towards the London Eye once more, Jerry holding my hand tightly. 

“We should get tickets for that today and go up later on.” I said nodding up at it. 

“No need, that’s what we’re doing now. I hired us a whole pod to ourselves.” 

“Jer, that’s so sweet. It’s gonna be so much fun, I can show you everything!” I tried really hard to get excited it was going to be fun, but all I could think about was what if I needed to puke whilst I was up there? “Can I just get a green tea for the ride?” 

“Yeah course, we got time.” Jerry soothed and steered me towards the coffee booth. I got one whiff of the coffee beans and turned and walked away. “Is it the coffee that makes you feel sick?” Jerry asked sitting opposite me on a table far away from the booth when he had turned to see I was no longer next to him. I nodded. He looked thoughtfully at me for a few seconds then went back and got my tea. 

Once we were inside our pod I really did get excited as we moved slowly skywards and began chattering incessantly. 

“You see that building there?” I said pointing to the tallest building on the Southbank across the park by the Eye. “I used to work there. Insane place, it’s like being in a time warp. Once you’re in, it’s really hard to get out. Some people start there when they’re 16 and never leave! I was lucky, I got out before I was completely institutionalised” I giggled. 

As we got higher I pointed out the City and Docklands and other places I’d worked over the years. I told him about the Great Fire of London and how an American had paid millions of dollars for London Bridge and had it transported brick by brick to The States only to realise once he’d got it there, it was the wrong one. He’d thought it was Tower Bridge, which was far more impressive. When we reached the top I showed him Buckingham Palace, Battersea Power Station and the Palaces of Westminster, giving him the history I knew about them all. “We should really go to The Abbey, there are loads of really cool people entombed in there, Shall we do that tomorrow?” 

Jerry smiled and agreed somewhat distractedly and I felt he was just humouring me, which I found quite annoying. It dawned on me then that he’d hardly said a word since we’d boarded. “Have I done something wrong Jerry?” I asked puzzled by his mood. 

“No. Why’d ya say that?” He replied. I chewed the inside of my cheek wondering whether to push it or not. 

“Well you’ve barely spoken since we got in the capsule, I wasn’t sure if it was something I’d said.” 

“Of course not!” Jerry smiled pulling me to him and kissing the end of my nose lightly. “I’ve just been listening to my knowledgeable tour guide. There may be a test later and I don’t want to screw up.” He laughed and I melted, as usual. 

When our ride was over, we walked east along The Thames and I laid with my head in Jerry’s lap under a tree near Gabriel’s Wharf. By two o’clock the office workers who been grabbing an hour of sunlight had begun to return to their air conditioned offices for the rest of the afternoon. I would’ve quite happily stayed there all day, it was idyllic, there was a light breeze coming of the river which was the only respite I’d felt from the heat in days. But Jerry was keen that I make it home for my Doctor’s appointment with plenty of time to spare, so we carried on our walk along the river past a few more sights and took a train from London Bridge. 

~*~

My appointment was for 4.00pm and typically they were running late. Usually I didn’t mind, it meant that the Doctor was thorough and gave each patient the time they needed rather than fobbing them off and kicking them out as quickly as possible. However this time with Jerry sitting holding my hand in the waiting room I felt really nervous and glanced at my watch every 30 seconds. 

Finally at 4.25pm I was called. “Do you want me to come in with you?” Jerry asked as I stood up. 

“Nah, I’ll be alright, he’s really nice.” I smiled as reassuringly as possible. 

It was like greeting an old friend as I walked into Doctor Malone’s office and once we got the pleasantries out of the way I described my symptoms and apologised for having to make an emergency appointment, but my boyfriend and parents had been bugging me for days about it so I thought I should get checked out. 

His first question took me by surprise “When was your last period?” 

“Err, I’ve been on the pill for years though.” I said looking at him as if he was crazy. 

“It happens you know, there is a 2% chance of getting pregnant whilst you’re on the pill. It can be even higher if you’ve had a tummy bug or something similar. How regular is your cycle usually?” He said placing his desk calendar in front of me to look at. 

“Umm, it’s pretty erratic actually.” I looked down at the dates but they just seemed to swim in front of me, my head was all over the place as the fear took hold of me. I couldn’t be pregnant, that would be my worst nightmare! 

“Think back, was it in June?” I’d been out on tour for the whole of June and I’d definitely not had one at all whilst I’d been in Europe. Shit! 

“No.” 

“Ok can you remember what you did in the last week of May?” He asked me putting a comforting hand over mine as it began to shake on his desk. 

“Yeah, I flew to Germany that week, nothing then. I think it was the Friday after I got back from Seattle.” I said aloud as I pieced together the puzzle in my mind, tracing my finger over the calendar “So it would’ve been the 19th May. Oh my God!” I exclaimed, the penny dropping I put my head in my hands, not wanting it to be true. “I was sick on the plane to Germany. Shit!” 

“It’s ok.” Dr Malone soothed. “Let’s do a test, we’ll know in a few minutes.” 

Five minutes later I sat crying as he told me it was positive and I was probably about 6 weeks pregnant. What the fuck was I going to do now? How was I going to tell Jerry, my parents, Lars? I couldn’t have a baby, I wasn’t ready. Dr Malone was talking me through my options, but I wasn’t listening to a word he said, I took the leaflets he gave me in stunned silence and left his room in a complete daze. 

‘Fuck!’ Was my only coherent thought as I walked into the waiting room. I folded the leaflets and shoved them quickly into my bag. Jerry was out of his seat in a heartbeat to shepherd me outside, I was clearly not in any state to think for myself. 

He sat me down on the wall outside and crouched down in front of me his eyes full of concern. I couldn’t look at him, I felt like I was just about to destroy everything we had. 

“Baby, tell me what happened.” He said softly. I shook my head slowly as I looked down at my hands, they were still shaking. “Is it serious? Did he tell you what could be wrong?” I nodded. “You know it’s ok, whatever it is you can tell me. I’ll do anything I can to help, you know that right?” I wanted to laugh manically then, he had no idea! I knew I had to tell him, but I just couldn’t find my voice. Finally I met his gaze and began to cry again. 

“I’m so sorry.” I sobbed. 

“What baby, what is it?” He took my hands and gave them a squeeze. 

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, took another one and opened them again. “I’m pregnant.” 

“Oh thank God!” Jerry said standing up and pulling me with him. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. I was seriously confused. 

“What?” I asked pushing him away. 

“I thought you were gonna to tell me you had 6 months to live or something awful. You’ve got to admit it’s better than that?” 

“Well, yeah. When you put it like that. But Jerry this is a big fucking nightmare! Aren’t you freaked out?” He looked at me then and I saw complete honesty on his face. “No, I’ve been preparing myself for it since this morning. So I guess I’m a few hours ahead of you.” I didn’t understand. “The coffee,” He explained, “some women have strong reactions to certain smells & foods in the first trimester. Coffee is a common one.” 

I shook my head in disbelief. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“I didn’t wanna jump to any conclusions, it might’ve just been a virus like you thought.” He tried to hug me again, but I wasn’t really in the mood to be tactile. I needed to sort my head out and pushed him back again. 

“So you’re ok with this?” I tried to put that one thing in perspective first. 

“Yeah. I’m not getting any younger and I love you, so what’s the problem?” 

“Erm, Jerry this is my body. This is my life that is being turned upside down. What changes for you huh? Fuck all, that’s what! You can carry on with your rock star lifestyle, but I have a job and a house that I love and if I have a baby, what is gonna happen to them?” 

Clearly Jerry hadn’t thought about my position in all this when he’d decided he was cool with it. I was seeing red and needed to put some space between us. “I’ve gotta get out of here.” I said flinging my arms in the air in exasperation. I turned around and began storming down the road. 

“Where are you goin’ Elle? There’s nowhere to run to. We need to talk about this. It’s not just about you.” Jerry called after me. 

He had a nerve. I spun back round to face him “Of course, how could I forget?” I began icily “The great Jerry Cantrell and his amazingly large ego is involved, so it all has to be about you doesn’t it? Well not this time mate. You’re not screwing up my life on a whim.” I was off again, but he caught up to me and grabbed my arm forcing me to stop and pushed me against a wooden fence. 

“Look. I understand you’re in shock at the moment and your hormones are all over the place, so I’m not gonna hold that against you. But Elle I’m fucking crazy about you and if you’re carrying my kid I want us to make any decisions together...” 

“Did you just say ‘if’ Jerry?” I could feel my pulse quicken as my temper flared way beyond it’s usual danger level. 

“What? No I didn’t mean it like that. I know it’s my baby. Elle why are you tryin’a pick a fight with me?” 

I opened my mouth to hurl another tirade of abuse at Jerry but I was halted by the fence rattling as the garden gate opened up just to my right. 

“Is everything ok?” An elderly gentlemen asked us eyeing Jerry suspiciously. 

“Yes sir, I’m sorry if we disturbed you.” Jerry said politely. The old man clearly didn’t trust Jerry’s word and looked to where he was still pinning me against the fence. 

“Miss, are you alright? Would you like to me call someone?” Immediately Jerry let me go and began explaining that he was worried about me as I was very upset and he was trying to calm me down. I saw my opportunity to get away then as Jerry turned to give the old man his full attention and took a few tentative steps away then quickly walked around the corner onto the main road and away from Jerry’s clutches. 

I crossed the road and when I was over the brow of the hill, I turned down another side street. I’d grown up around here so I knew where I was going, Jerry wouldn’t know where to look. I snuck down the alley that lead to the train station and stopped wondering what I should do next, the tears came almost immediately. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me, I just wanted to run and run until it had all gone away, but that wasn’t going to happen. Instead I walked over the railway bridge, bought a packet of cigarettes and went into the pub that had been my local for over ten years before I moved to California. 

~*~

My first port of call was the ladies loo where I tried to compose myself and tidy up my face then I walked into the bar. 

“Elle? What are you doin’ in ‘ere?” It was Carol the landlady. “You back to visit yer Mum n Dad love? Oh it’s lovely to see ya, you look great!” Lying cow. 

“Hi Carol. Yeah just back for a couple of days. How are you?” We chatted for a few minutes, then it seemed to dawn on her that she was supposed to be running a pub. 

“What can I get yer, the usual love?” 

“Yeah. No! Sorry Carol, I’ve got to drive later, I’ll just have a diet coke.” ‘Great another thing that would have to change if I kept this baby.’ I thought with contempt. 

I picked up an abandoned Evening Standard once I had my drink and sat at a table in the corner. Flicking through it mindlessly I lit a cigarette and pretended to read. I was still filled with panic, I had no idea what I needed to do to make sense of this. I was totally engrossed in my thoughts when I became aware of a presence in front of me. Looking up I saw Jerry stood over me his hands on his hips as he caught his breath. Clearly he knew me better than I realised or had I just told him the amount of time I’d spent in here over the years? 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doin’?” He challenged. 

“Fuck off Jerry. Is it not obvious that I need to be on my own right now?” I kept my voice low knowing full well that everyone in this place loved a juicy bit of gossip and I didn’t really want to be the subject of the next game of Chinese whispers. 

“I mean smoking Elle.” I looked at my cigarette; another pastime bit the dust. 

“It’s one cigarette Jerry, I think I need it right now, I’m pretty fucking stressed out.” He moved to take it out of my hand. “Don’t you dare.” I warned him, but he took it from me anyway and stubbed it out in the ashtray. I could see how this was going to go and it was immature, but Jerry picked the box up before me, put it in his pocket and sat down opposite me. “Jerry please leave me alone, you’re not helping by being here.” I was getting agitated and could feel myself losing my cool. 

“Elle, I just had to stop that guy from calling the cops, he thought I was a fuckin’ rapist. I had to tell him everything or I woulda been arrested.” 

“Well maybe that will teach you that you can’t manhandle women Jerry.” I spat. 

“When are you gonna stop behaving like spoilt little brat and grow up Elle?” Jerry threw back at me with just as much venom. “You can’t run away this time. This ain’t just gonna disappear y’know.” 

“Who the fuck are you to tell me how to behave? You’re hardly Mr Maturity yourself and you’ve got nearly 10 years on me.” I picked up my drink, but he had that out my hand too before I could get it anywhere my mouth. I lost my temper completely then. “For fucksake Jerry it’s diet fucking coke!” I shouted at him. “Taste it if you don’t believe me.” 

The pub was pretty empty, but those who were there all stopped their conversations and looked us. Jerry put the glass back down in front of me and very quietly but very forcefully said 

“We’re not doing this here. Let’s go.” It wasn’t a request, it was clearly a command and I was not having it. 

“No.” I crossed my arms over my chest in defiance. Ok I realised that I was being childish now, but I took orders from no one, except maybe Lars. 

Jerry stood then and grabbed my wrist to pull me out of my chair. 

“Take. Your. Fucking. Hands OFF ME!” 

“Ellie? Is that my little Ellie?” A voice I instantly recognised called from the bar. 

Oh shit! Mickey. 

Mickey had been drinking in The Red Barn far longer than I had and knew everybody. We’d gotten friendly when we used to work for the same company and he’d always given any bloke I was seeing serious grief. I knew he would not approve of this scene. 

Jerry let go of me and told me once again that we were leaving. I didn’t move as Mickey made his way over, pint in hand. “’Ow’s my girl?” 

I grinned up at Mickey. “’Ello darlin’, ‘ow are ya?” Mickey put his pint down reaching between Jerry and me to do it, but completely ignored him. 

“You not even gonna get up and give ol’ Mick a hug you rude cow?” I laughed, I’d forgotten how straight talking everyone was in here. 

“’Course I am, come ‘ere you!” I said getting up and allowing myself to be enfolded in a massive bear hug as Mickey lifted me off my feet. I saw Jerry’s face over his shoulder and he was far from impressed. I stayed standing and took a sip of coke as Mickey did the same with his pint. 

“So who’s the Yank Elle?” Mickey asked finally acknowledging Jerry, 

“This is Jerry Mickey. He’s my boyfriend.” Mickey nodded towards Jerry, but he didn’t offer him his hand. 

“Right. And what the fuck is ‘e playin’ at puttin’ ‘is ‘ands on you like that eh?” 

“Listen man, it’s not what you think...” Jerry began. 

“I wasn’t talkin’ to you. Mate.” Mickey said cutting him off. Jerry was seriously pissed off now and I didn’t want this to end up in a fight so I agreed with him. 

“It’s not Mick,” I reassured him, resting my hand on his bicep to let him know it was all ok, “if anything I’m being a bitch. Some things don’t change y’know!” I laughed trying to break the tension and Mickey turned back to me regarding me closely for any sign that I might be lying. “Honest Mick, would I lie to you?” 

“Ok Elle, I’ll leave you to it. But I’ll only be over there with Little Jim and Big ‘ands Ron if you need me.” I looked over and waved hello to the other two. Yeah we’d have to leave now, unless we wanted our every move scrutinised, with the three of them just waiting to pounce. 

“Thanks Mickey, but we’ve gotta go now anyway. You take care of yourself alright? I’ll give you a call next time I come home ok?” I kissed him on the cheek and walked out the nearest door. 

Once we were out of sight of the bar. I stopped and turned to Jerry. “I can’t be around you right now Jerry. I need to get my head together and I won’t be able to do that with you breathing down my neck. I’ll stay at my Mum’s tonight and call you tomorrow. Ok?” 

The look on Jerry’s face said it all; no it wasn’t ok. I could see him struggling to keep his temper as he clenched his jaw and rammed his fists in his pockets. “I’m sorry that I’m not over the moon Jerry, but that’s just the way it is. I’ll call you tomorrow and we can talk then.” I stretched up and kissed him on the lips, then walked away. 

I didn’t tell my parents what was going on I just said that we’d had a row and I needed to cool off. Mum clearly couldn’t bear the intrigue, but she knew better than to push me, she’d had 20 years living with my fiery redhead’s temper and she knew full well I’d say something we’d all regret. 

I sat for hours on the floor in my room, listening to my old vinyl, and reading through my journals. The latter made me laugh; I’d thought my life was so tough when I was 17. Fourteen years later I could finally see that most of it had been a breeze up to this point. My decision was made laying in my childhood bed at 2.30am. I knew that I had to tell Jerry as soon as possible, I’d get up early and get the train straight to him.


	14. Chapter 14

Not surprisingly I slept fitfully and I was up and on the train with the early morning commuters at 06.30. It felt I’d been transported back 2 years as a sweaty guy smelling of stale alcohol sat next me on the train, I nearly vomited on him and had to move seats. No wonder I’d left the rat race, it was so bloody soul destroying. 

I let myself into the room and waited as my eyes adjusted to the half-light. I made out Jerry’s sleeping figure on the bed, his beautiful blonde hair spread across the pillow. Silently I undressed, butterflies fluttering in my stomach, and got in beside him curving my body to fit snugly next to his. Gently I laid an arm across him, not wanting to wake him, but needing so much to hear him breathe and feel his heart beating. He stirred though and when he realised he was no longer alone, I saw him smile his eyes half open. 

“You came back,” he said sleepily turning over and wrapping his arms around me “I knew you would.” 

“Ssshh,” I put my fingers to his lips. His eyes had closed again, but I kissed him anyway and he responded in kind. I felt him stirring between my thighs as our kiss became more passionate. He placed a hand in the small of my back pushing me against his morning glory. As it slid up between my legs and then between the folds of my pussy he moaned into my mouth and rolled on top of me. I didn’t want this to be quick, I wanted to make it last, so when I felt him pressing at my entrance, I pushed back and rolled him over quickly straddling him and taking control. 

He smiled up at me lazily and ran his hands up my thighs to my hips trying to manoeuvre me so that I would take him inside. Snatching them away I held his wrists and leaned over him holding his arms above his head, he seemed too sleepy to resist. I kissed his eyelashes softly, his nose, then his mouth hard. Keeping one hand up on his wrists I used the other to tilt his head to one side and kissed along his jawline, tilting it back the other way to kiss along the other side. I ran my tongue in one long powerful stroke right up to his ear and around it’s lobe. He bucked his hips up to meet me I allowed him to rub his dick between my pussy lips again as he moaned. I nibbled at his lobe and turned his head yet again and held my mouth against his ear letting my hot breath do to him as he had to me so many times before whispering “Lay back and enjoy the ride my love.” 

He simply sighed in response. I licked his neck again and again with the same assured strokes, each time he rose up to meet me sliding along my now soaking pussy. Trusting him not to move his hands I ran my fingertips down his arms and followed them with butterfly kisses as he wriggled beneath me. It felt strange, but very satisfying to be the one in control of him for a change and as I watched him curl his fingers under the headboard I knew he was definitely along for the ride. 

Slowly and seemingly with no agenda, I kissed, licked, sucked and rubbed my way down his body, finding sensitive places that I hadn’t known of before and revelling in his reactions to them. I was driving him wild, and I could hear him swearing under his breath between gasps and moans but that just made me slow it down all the more. I completely bypassed his dick, only running my fingers softly along his groin and between his thighs. He called out then as his cock twitched and swelled just a little bit more. 

I licked in short little bursts from his knees gradually drawing them out the closer I got to his balls stopping just an inch from them and doing nothing more than breathing gently on them. I looked up and saw Jerry almost panting as he gripped the headboard, I smiled to myself never enjoying turning on a man so much in my life. 

Keeping with my previous tone I took his scrotum into my hand and licked with the same assuredness that I had at his neck. I think he nearly hit the ceiling then as the obscenities tumbled from his mouth, I was having a distinct sense of de ja vu only this time the boot was on the other foot! When I was happy that he could take no more of that I ran the fingernails of both hands down his shaft and followed them up with my tongue in the opposite direction until he begged to fuck me. 

“Not yet, I’m not finished here,” I smiled up at him wickedly and flicked my tongue around the sensitive under part of his head. A salty taste hit my tongue and I knew then I’d better not wait much longer, so I wrapped my lips around him and sucked it hard as he pushed into my mouth as far back as he could. After just a few seconds he shouted at me to stop and sat up. 

“I want to be in you when I come, I want to be looking into your eyes when we come together.” 

‘Oh God!’ I thought as I let him move me back up to straddle his hips once more. ‘This is heaven and hell all at the same time.’ He lay back against the pillows and I leaned over him so that my hair and breasts trailed along his chest and whispered into his ear “I love you so much it hurts.” 

“I love you too Elle,” he replied turning his head to draw me into a deep kiss. I lifted myself up and slid slowly down his waiting cock both of us moaning as I took him all the way inside me. Leaning back I slowly rocked back and forth, my hands on his chest, my head thrown back, tears falling from eyes. Jerry drove himself into me leisurely but purposely, his hands moving up from hips to my waist trying to pull me down to him. I wouldn’t succumb; he couldn’t know I was crying. I held back wanting to wait for Jerry so we’d come together and when it happened I was so sad that I began to sob. 

He sat forward again immediately and enfolded me in his arms. We both knew then what had just happened and neither of us wanted to break the spell of that precious moment. But it had to end and I was going to be the one to shatter it, although I didn’t even have to speak. 

“Don’t do this Elle, we can work this out, I know we can,” I climbed off Jerry’s lap then and sat hugging my knees so we could talk. 

I sighed deeply and began my speech “I’m sorry, really I am, but I can’t do this; us. It’s too hard. I don’t want to be left at home with a baby, in fact I don’t want to be left behind at all. I won’t do part time Jerry and that’s all we can be. We’re both too bloody selfish to compromise on shit like that so the last thing we should do is bring a child into this world, it would be wrong.” 

Jerry remained silent for a long time and I wondered what he was thinking, the room was still quite dark and he was resting his chin against his knees so I couldn’t see his face. 

Finally he lifted his head and spoke “I hear what you’re sayin’ Elle and I know it won’t be easy, but you need to know that when we’re apart all I think about is you. What you’re wearin’. What you’re doin’. What you’re thinkin’. ‘Bout the way you laugh. How your face looks when you come. I won’t let you walk away. This is too fucking precious!” 

With every word he said I felt my heartbreak. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is Jerry. I know this is the right thing to do, for everyone,” the tears flowed freely now. He slid closer to me and took me in his arms and kissed me tenderly. 

“I can’t force you to have this baby, but I think you’ll regret it if you don’t,” he spoke softly as he wiped the tears from my face. “I love you and we can do this any way you want to.” 

“No we can’t Jerry. One of us, if not both of us will have to give up so much and we’ll only end up resenting and hating each other. Why destroy three people’s lives?” 

His frustration became apparent as I felt him tense and he raised his voice. 

“You’re being way too logical Elle. This ain’t a fuckin’ problem at work, this decision will affect us forever. Why the fuck are you givin’ up before we’ve even given us a chance? Think about it some more, please! Fuck!” 

I shook my head, “My mind is made up Jerry. I can’t have this baby right now. Christ we’ve only known each a couple of months if this was a year down the line it would be different, but it’s not. We’re never going to last a year, a baby would force us to and I don’t want it to be like that. It’s best that we just walk away now rather than dragging out the inevitable pain” 

“What the fuck do you know about the future and who the fuck are you to tell me how I’m gonna feel about somethin’ that I actually want?” he raged standing up and pulling on some shorts. “You say you love me, but how can you if you’re prepared to just throw it all away at the first sign of trouble?” 

“I do love you!” I cried, clambering off the bed to try and reason with him, but he just carried on with his rant. 

“Fuckin’ hell Elle I’m layin’ it all out here for you and you ain’t even willin’ to listen. It took two of us to get into this; don’t you think it’s up to both of us to decide what happens next? Sure it may be your body, but it’s my fuckin’ life too!” 

He marched to the window to draw back the curtains, sunshine flooded into the room illuminating our cold reality. I wasn’t going to argue any more though, my mind was made up and there was nothing he could say that was going to change it. Regardless of how much I loved him I was leaving. 

He lit a cigarette and sat in an armchair watching me through thunderous eyes as I dressed. After a minute or two he spoke with a discernible conviction: “You can leave here Elle, go back to San Francisco and carry on as if none o’ this ever happened if you want. But we won’t ever be over.” 

It wasn’t a threat; it was a statement of fact. I smiled ruefully at the thought, but knew he would soon tire of chasing me and we’d be old friends who caught up once in a while; been there done that, got a ton of ‘old friends’. 

He remained in the chair whilst I packed, chain smoking and not speaking. I’d expected him to carry on shouting at me and was surprised by his silence, perhaps he didn’t believe me. I held my own emotions in check; whilst this was killing me I knew I could show no sign of weakness lest he seize upon it and start raging at me once more. 

When I was ready to leave I sat down on the table in front of him putting both my hands on his knees forcing him to acknowledge me. 

“Are you going to say goodbye?” I asked. He didn’t respond, just stared straight at me searching my eyes for a glimpse of my soul, but my guard was well and truly up, he wouldn’t read me this time. “Ok then. Goodbye Jerry,” I kissed him on the lips then moved to stand up. He grabbed me, pulled me on to his lap and into a bruising kiss. His arms were under mine holding me tightly to him, his hands in my hair as I succumbed to him for what would be our last kiss. 

At least it was one I wouldn’t forget. 

When he’d succeeded in raising my temperature and turning my legs to jelly, he let go. “I’ll see you soon Elle,” I smiled sadly at him, ran a hand along his cheek and brushed his lips with my thumb, so committing this final touch to memory and left without looking back.


	15. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> San Francisco, November 2006

Jerry had meant what he said when he told me that I wouldn’t be walking out of his life. Jeez I thought I was stubborn, but he did not let up for a single day. Every day I had at least one phone call & numerous text messages. There were flowers, chocolates and other often silly or bizarre gifts. When Alice went out on tour he sent a postcard from every city, always with the same message scrawled on the back ‘WISH U WERE HERE. LUV J XXX’. 

I’d tried to ignore him in the beginning, but it just became pointless, the more I resisted the more persistent he became. In the end I looked forward to the messages and especially the calls. We talked so much that there wasn’t a single thing that we didn’t know about each other’s day, but I wouldn’t be drawn into a conversation the baby. He asked me often if I still loved him to which my reply was always “Do bears shit in the woods Jerry?” 

Arguments about him coming to visit were numerous and I somehow managed to win each and every time. I couldn’t have him messing with my emotions; I needed to stay on an even keel. But after Thanksgiving Alice were coming to town and there was no way I’d be able to avoid him without doing a runner, which whilst tempting was a bit immature. He made me swear that I’d be at the gig or he was going to come and find me. 

The day rolled around quickly with James and Lars both getting to The Warfield well before the show to hang out. James was going to join Alice for ‘Would?’ again. Jerry was straight on the phone demanding to know where I was, but I really couldn’t get out of an important appointment and promised I’d be there as soon as possible. I’d left with enough time to see the start, but there was an accident on the freeway and I got caught in the resulting tailback for well over an hour – typical! I called to apologise, but he didn’t believe me and got really angry telling me he’d be around to my house as soon as the show was over. Honestly, he could be as melodramatic as a teenage girl sometimes! I refused to bite, that was my new thing; serenity. I’d been going to Pilates and Yoga classes, which really helped keep my stress levels down and I felt great for it. Jerry was in for a real surprise, I’d made some changes in my life, I just hoped he’d be happy about them. 

I finally arrived towards the end of ‘Sludge Factory’, which was the first song of the second electric set. I found Lars and got comfy, wedging myself between two packing cases. I received a few funny looks from the crew, but no one said or did anything untoward. I gave Jerry a wave when he came back to change guitars and he scowled and wagged a finger at me before laughing. Pheew, one less thing to worry about. 

Lars was really supportive as he had been since I’d gotten back from London; nothing was too much trouble as long as I was happy. I was really grateful that he’d been so understanding, he’d been my rock back then as I tried not to fall apart. Sometimes I wondered who was working for whom, he’d become more like an older brother than a boss. 

During the encore break Jerry leaned over one of the cases to kiss me hello and apologised for being angry earlier. 

“Ten minutes and we can catch up properly,” he said strapping his guitar on and striding back out to announce James. I’m sure the roof was actually raised at that point. I looked at Lars and let him see how nervous I was, he put a comforting arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. 

“It’s all gonna be fine Elle. Mark my words,” I hoped to God he was right. 

Ten minutes turned into twenty as the band did they’re usual thing with the fans. Lars extracted me from my little cocoon and the gawping started anew. I had no idea how to play this, it all depended on Jerry. I’d run through all the scenarios in my head a thousand times or more, but I still didn’t feel prepared. I clung to Lars like a limpet, but he kept peeling my fingers from his arm and told me I had to do this without him. I was so scared that I didn’t even know that Jerry was behind me until his arms went around me. My heart stopped, I daren’t even breathe as his hands came to an abrupt halt on my stomach. It seemed that everything, even time stopped in that moment and an eerie silence fell backstage. 

Fuck! I was frozen to the spot just wishing I could see his face. 

“Elle?” Jerry spoke at last, no hint of anger in his voice, I hoped that I was a smile I could detect. I let myself take a breath. “Is there something you forgot to tell me?” I nodded as my heart hammered in my chest. His hands moved back to my hips and he turned me around to face him. I felt myself trembling as we came face to face properly for the first time in over four months. He was smiling. Then he began to laugh. 

That wasn’t one of the scenarios I’d considered and I felt a little freaked out. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me Elle?” he said through his laughter bringing his hands up to my face. He tilted my head up and kissed me long and hard. Oh God I’d forgotten what he could do to me with a kiss. 

Finally I relaxed and smiled into our kiss. The onlookers breathed a collective sigh of relief and everyone went back about their business. Breaking the kiss I took Jerry’s hands from my face and placed them on my stomach. 

“Someone wants to say hello to their Dad,” I said as the baby went on one its kicking sprees. “I think I’ve got the next David Beckham in here!” I laughed. 

Jerry was actually speechless as Junior showed off his or her moves. After a minute or so it stopped and Jerry brought his eyes back to mine. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

I shrugged. “I kept meaning to go to a clinic, but I couldn’t ever bring myself to do it and then it got to the point where I wouldn’t even entertain the idea and it was too late anyway. I had to do it like this Jerry, it was the only way I could my head around it. And I didn’t want to put any pressure on you. You had your own shit going on. I’m sorry, I know I should’ve told you, but it just didn’t seem right to do it on the phone.” 

He shook his head then in total disbelief. “I can’t believe you kept something this big from me. You know as I walked up behind you tonight I thought ‘fuck her ass is huge, she’s let herself go some!’” 

“You cheeky git!” I shrieked slapping his arm. I dipped my hand into the pocket of my combats “Do you want to see your son or daughter?” pulling out the scan I gave it to him. 

“Fuck Elle, if I wasn’t so happy I’d be kickin’ your ass right now. What stuff have I missed?” he couldn’t take his eyes from the picture. 

“All the crap stuff Jerry and the worst part is still to come. In three months this bump becomes a screaming, shitting, sleep depriver. You up for it?” 

“Hell yeah!” he bent his head and kissed my stomach then pulled me to him and held me tightly. “If you’re up for that happy ever after now?”


End file.
